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Archive for Adolescents & Children

Self-Care in the Time of Corona

Posted by Manet Castaneda on
 June 22, 2020
  · No Comments

Difficult Times

As our nation and world around us is surrounded by news of the COVID 19 epidemic, it can be very easy to neglect self-care due to the different struggles that can arise from this unique situation. It is not uncommon to experience feelings of anxiety, depression, loneliness, confusion, and even anger during this difficult time. Because of this, it is important to deal with these emotions in ways that are helpful and healing. Self- care is one way in which we can deal with difficult emotions and situations. Keep in mind that self-care is what we do (or stop doing) to take care of and improve our mental, physical and spiritual lives. Below are a few ways in which you can practice self-care during this particular situation that we are all facing as a community.

Practice Gratitude

Practicing gratitude has been found to have a positive impact on how our bodies and minds feel. When we practice gratitude, this stimulates oxytocin in our brains, and this helps relax the nervous system. There are two ways in which we can practice gratitude. The first is to practice gratitude for within, that is to say, being grateful for your life, body, breath, mind, strengths, etc. The second way we can practice gratitude is outwardly by being grateful for others, our pets, nature, resources, and other elements outside of us.

Seek Social Connections

During the quarantine, it can be difficult to maintain in touch with others, however it is still important to seek out those connections for support. Having a community or a tribe of people that you can count on can help reduce the feelings of loneliness and isolation. Some ways we can keep in touch during this time is via video phone calls, writing text messages, writing letters, or social media. With any relationship, it is important to be intentional about the type of communication you have, so find ways to be creative with your communication during the time of Corona.

Stay Active

Keeping an active lifestyle can keep improve your mood and boost your energy levels. During the quarantine it can be hard to find ways to exercise, so take some time to research various at home workouts that are available on the internet. Find ways to be creative with your workouts, try new forms of exercise that perhaps you have always been interested in. Make it a social activity by including your family members or roommates. Consider making a schedule that fits your daily activities so that you are more likely to stick with it.

Seek Help

Lastly, if you find yourself having a hard time with the isolation and the issues that have come up as a result of the quarantine, it is highly encouraged to seek professional help. Many organizations including our own (Fuller Life Family Therapy Institute) are offering telemental health services. If talking to someone about your struggles is something you are considering, now might be a good time.

Categories : Anxiety & Panic, Anxiety Issues, Covid-19, Depression, Gratitude, Lifestyle, Mental Health, Mindfulness Practice, Parenting, Relationships, Self-Care Practices, Stress Management
Tags : anxiety, depression, gratitude, physical well-being, self care

When Grief and Spirituality Intersect

Posted by 1-Stephanie Jordan on
 March 30, 2020
  · No Comments

In light of the recent global novel Coronavirus pandemic that spread and claimed the lives of hundreds of thousands of people in local communities, cities, states, and countries around the world, many individuals are experiencing grief in the midst of this calamity. Some have lost loved ones due to the virus, are unable to have or attend funerals for the deceased loved one, are personally suffering from or know someone suffering from the virus, are dealing with the psychological and emotional effects of “social (physical) distancing,” and are worried about meeting the most basic needs for their family’s survival and livelihood. These concerns, among others, have caused many to experience some form of personal grief, or an existential crisis in spirituality.

Death itself, whether untimely or anticipated, sometimes leaves unanswered questions. Dr. Mark Kellenman, author of the book, “God’s Healing For Life’s Losses” examines the complexities of life’s unanswered questions; in the midst of death and in the midst of human suffering. His book offers readers a perspective on grief, spirituality, and hope through the Divine Redeemer. Although the book is specifically written for individuals of Christian faith, the concepts and perspectives shared may be applicable to other religious faiths as well. This blog will share grief perspectives from the book on how to move from depression to hope on one’s grief journey.

Traditional Perspectives on Processing Grief

Many people are familiar with the five stages of grief model first introduced by psychiatrist Elizabeth Kübler-Ross. She speculated that an individual experiences denial (stage one), anger (stage two), bargaining (stage three), and depression (stage four), before coming to acceptance (stage five). The model suggested that grief occurs in a sequential process until they reach the final stage.

Dr. Kelleman, however, viewed the five stages of grief model as too one-dimensional. Noting that individuals tend to deal with their grief in separation from others which leads to feelings of spiritual abandonment, social betrayal, and feelings of shame and self-contempt. Dr. Kelleman believes this causes spiritual depression.

Spirituality Perspectives on Processing Grief

Dr. Kellenman’s grief model, which he describes as God’s Positioning System (GPS), explains grief as a multi-dimensional process, where individuals respond to grief by integrating spirituality into their grief process. The model introduces eight stages. Four stages address hurt and four stages address hope.

Four Stages of Hurt Four Stages of Hope
Candor: Practice honesty with myself. Waiting: Groaning with Hope.
Complaint: Honesty with God. Wailing: Trusting with Faith.
Cry: Ask God for help. Weaving: Perceiving with Grace.
Comfort: Receive God’s help. Worshiping: Engaging with Love.

The eight stages describe how grievers can suffer a loss and come face-to-face with God. The traditional grief responses, introduced by Kübler Ross, are not to be minimized. Dr. Kellenman encourages grievers to learn how to move from denial to personal honesty, from anger to honesty with God, from bargaining to asking God for help, and from depression to receiving God’s help.

Moreover, the four stages of hope describe how grievers can take God’s hand and journey forward in life (acceptance) while facing the realities of their loss. Dr. Kelleman, calls this “creative suffering.” That is, creative suffering converts the suffering that batters and causes depression, into hope that, The Redeemer can bring healing to hurting hearts.

Journeying in Hope: An Alternative Perspective

Dr. Kelleman, explains the journey of grief can be emotional, complicated, and messy. It comes with hills and valleys and good days and bad days. It is normal to feel hurt and it is necessary to grieve. Remember that taking the journey with God places one’s trust and faith in His good character and his good heart that better days will come. Likewise, contemplating suffering from a grace perspective nurtures alternative ways to view life’s losses where hope can flourish, and spiritual growth can mature.

Reference:

Kellemen, R. W. (2010). God’s healing for life’s losses: How to find hope when you’re hurting.  Winona Lake, IN: BMH Books.

Categories : Anxiety Issues, Counseling, Covid-19, Depression, Depression, Bipolar, Mental Health, Spirituality, Trauma and Loss, Unemployment
Tags : anxiety, death, depression, grief, Grief Models, healing, loss, mental health, spirituality, trauma and loss

Fa-la-la-la-blah! Beating the Holiday Blues

Posted by 1-Stephanie Jordan on
 December 17, 2019
  · No Comments

The holiday season taunts itself as “the most wonderous time of the year,” but is it really? For some, the holidays are not always joyous and festive; rather, they are a challenging and emotional time of year for various reasons. An array of stressors, such as lack of time, financial worries, over-commercialization, and gift giving, along with the demands of parties, shopping, entertaining, and family get-togethers, may cause a wide range of emotions. These demands and stressors may produce feelings of sadness, depression, anxiety, loneliness, and grief during this time of year, commonly referred to as the “holiday blues.”

Below are a few questions for personal reflection with suggestions to help combat and balance the effects of “holiday blues.”

Gratitude or Grievance?

It depends on a person’s feelings and what they dread or welcome. On the one hand, feeling grateful, appreciating others, or showing kindness to one another seems easy and natural during this time of year. However, on the other hand, complaints, resentments, and gripes are also a real possibility. Consider these two questions:

  • What is one thing you are feeling in anticipation of the holiday?
  • What are you most/least looking forward to about this holiday?

Tip: One’s state of mind determines whether they feel gratitude or aggrieved. How a person makes meaning from what they anticipate will happen during the holiday season, whether positive or negative, can affect how they identify with and experience the holidays. Stay calm, gather your thoughts, and make a plan that will help minimize foreseeable challenges.

Dealing with disappointments

Alas, the best laid plans… Everyone has their own idea about what they want to happen during the holidays. Therefore, when things do not go as expected, misunderstandings and disappointment can result. Then what? Ponder this question:

  • What is one thing that you always hoped would happen but never does, and how are you going to handle it this year?

Tip: It is important to choose the right attitude and understand that, unfortunately, life is not perfect, and neither are the holidays. Try managing expectations to avoid feeling overly disappointed. Recognize mistakes are bound to happen, regardless of how well things are planned. Try not to expect people to change. Seek compromise whenever possible, find forgiveness, and simply let things be.

The true meaning of the holiday season

Over-commercialism tends to undermine the meaning of the holiday season. Year-after-year sensationalized Christmas TV commercials, along with Black Friday and Cyber Monday sales, can diminish the true spirit of Christmas. To keep perspective this Holiday season, reflect on this question:

  • This year I will remind myself the importance of ______.

Tip: Excessive commercialism can often spoil the true meaning of Christmas. Take time out to personally reflect on why Christmas is celebrated. Remember what is most important. Choose to hold on to these things during this holiday season.

While the holiday blues are a real phenomenon, remember these feelings are temporary. Take meaningful action to move through whatever emotions, attitude, and state-of-mind the season brings. Find ways to make Christmas a special day for the right reasons. Keeping context in perspective will help with finding gratitude and hope. Holding on to these things can help make the holiday’s the most wonderous time of the year.

Happy Holidays from the Fuller Life family!

Stephanie Jordan, LPC-Intern, Resident Therapist, Supervised by Amy Fuller PhD, LPC

Categories : Anxiety Issues, Emotions and Relationships, Family Therapy, Gratitude, Grief, Lifestyle, Mental Health, Self-Care Practices, Stress Management
Tags : Christmas, holiday blahs, holiday blues, holiday season, meaning of the Holiday, self care

Real Talk: Should you Talk with Your Partner about Porn?

Posted by Manet Castaneda on
 August 28, 2019
  · No Comments

Real Talk: Should You Talk with Your Partner about Porn?

One of the most challenging conversations you can have with your partner is about pornography. While some consider it adultery to watch porn, others consider it a normal part of sexuality. Regardless where you stand, talking with your partner about porn can open doors to strengthen and develop your relationship.

Here are a few things to keep in mind when talking about porn with your partner.

Know Yourself

First, know where you stand on the issue. If you are uncomfortable with this topic, consider asking yourself what is uncomfortable. Explore what feels uncomfortable, so you can have more insight into yourself. If you are not uncomfortable, consider what draws you toward the use of porn and why. Knowing your comfort level helps you be clear about your preferences as you discuss this with your partner.

Studies show that couples who are open to discussing their porn usage are more satisfied in their relationship than those who do not. Chances are you will have different things to say about the issue, so it is important to know where you stand first.

Invite a Conversation

Second, invite a conversation with your significant other. Once you know where you stand on the role of pornography, you can then seek to understand your partners position.  From this place you can discuss together if porn is something you would like to incorporate into your relationship or if it is something you definitely do not want to incorporate.

Knowing your boundaries helps with this, and can help guide your conversation with your partner. Remember your partner mayhave a different opinion than yours, so seek to ask and learn before making assumptions.

Remain Open

Keep in mind that your partner may or may not be open to having this conversation, so remain open to the possibility of your partner NOT wanting to talk about the topic. If your partner IS willing to sit down and discuss this topic with you, remain open to hearing what they have to say.

Remember this: talking about pornography in your relationship is better than the alternative of not talking about it. Many couples avoid the topic or make assumptions which can lead to misunderstanding, feelings of betrayal and hurt.  If you avoid difficult topics in your relationship, you also avoid growing in your relationship.

 

For more tips on having conversations about  pornography with your partner take a look at the following Articles:

  • Having the Talk about Pornography
  • How to Talk to Your Significant Other about Pornography
  • Challenging Conversations with Your Partner.

 

Categories : Addiction & Recovery, Boundaries, Communication, Counseling, Intimacy & Sex Therapy, Lifestyle, Marriage, Sexual Education
Tags : Addiction, boundaries, communications, counseling, intimacy, lifestyle, marriage, sexual education

5 Discipline Strategies Your Kids Want You to Know – Disciplining Your Kids Well, Part 2

Posted by Tamara Tatum on
 August 15, 2019
  · No Comments
In the first part of this blog series, we discussed some common misconceptions about discipline. We learned that discipline is not about punishment, demanding respect or shaming, but rather about teaching. In this blog, we will go over five strategies to implement when disciplining your children.

1. Catch your kids doing good.

(Canadian PaediatricSociety, 2004; Byrne Biancardi, 2014) We all respond well to positive reinforcement. In the workplace you would  probably have a hard time wanting to learn from a supervisor who was always  scolding you about what you’re doing wrong and never encouraged you in the ways you were doing your job well. With your children, pay attention not only when things are not going well, but when they are. Be specific with what you observe.    

2. Model how you would like your children to behave.

The old saying “do as I say, not as I do” is never effective. Your kids are watching you and learning from you, perhaps more than you’d like!    

3. Connect with your child.

This simply means to empathize with and validate your child’s experience (i.e., “I see that you are very upset/angry/frustrated right now”).  Connection helps to move your child’s brain from a “reactive” emotion-driven state to a more receptive state in which they are ready to learn. It can also help to shift your brain from a reactive state to a state where you are able to teach. Connection has the longer-term impacts of deepening your relationship with your children as well as helping to develop the connections in their brains between the lower, more primitive and reactive, parts of the brain to the higher parts of the brain capable of self-regulation (Siegel and Payne, 2014).    

4. Address the behavior together.

Once you have connected with your child, talk with them about the impact of his or her behavior and ask him or her what they would like to do to make it better. Involve them in the process of being accountable for their actions. For example, if your daughter had broken one of her brother’s toys, she might suggest giving one of her toys to him.    

5. Remind your child of your love for them. 

At the end of the day, it is important to reinforce for your child, “Even at your absolute worst, I am still with you and still love you.” Just like you would like to be thought of as more than just the sum totalof your good or bad actions, so would your child. We can inadvertently send the message to our children that they are only loveable when they are behaving well as opposed to being loveable just for who they are. We hope this series has been helpful for you as you do the hard, but rewarding, task of parenting your children well.    

Resources:

Canadian Paediatric Society. Effective Discipline for Children. Paediatr Child Health. 2004 Jan; 9(1): 37–41. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2719514/ 

Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2014). No-drama discipline: The whole-brain way to calm the chaos and nurture your child’s developing mind (First edition.). New York: Bantam.

Byrne-Biancardi, S. (2014). 6 Secrets of Highly Effective Discipline From a Seasoned Teacher. https://afineparent.com/be-positive/effective-discipline.html   Contributed by Tamara Tatum, LMFT-Associate
Tamara Tatum, Resident Therapist
Supervised by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S
Categories : Communication, Empathy, Family Therapy, Parenting, Parenting, Relationships, Sticky
Tags : discipline, parenting

3 Common Misconceptions About Discipline You Need to Know – Disciplining Your Kids Well, Part 1

Posted by Tamara Tatum on
 May 6, 2019
  · No Comments
Disciplining your kids is a necessary part of parenting. While it is essential, discipline can often be misunderstood. In this two-part series, we will look at some of  common misconceptions and some helpful tips for effective discipline. First, some common misconceptions…

Discipline is NOT about

1. Punishment

Punishment does not build skills. It often has the reverse effect of teaching children what to do to avoid getting caught next time. Punishment tends to erode relationships and does not make children want to learn from the person who is punishing them. (Siegel and Payne, 2014; Byrne Biancardi, 2014)

2.Demanding respect and obedience

Sure, you want your kids to respect you, as their parent. But, a good question to ask yourself is, “Am I acting in a manner that is worthy of respect?” meaning, “Am I responding calmly, being curious about my child’s experience or am I reacting out of anger or frustration by yelling, nagging or insulting” (Canadian Paediatric Society, 2004). Treating your children like they are worthy of respect is one sure way to teach them to treat others with respect.

3. Shaming

We all make mistakes. Giving your children the impression that they are “bad” because of their errors or poor choices is harmful and can have a long-lasting impact. While you may not approve of your children’s behavior in the moment, make it clear that you still love and value them.

If discipline is not any of the above, then what is it really about?

  • Discipline is first and foremost about teaching and guiding our children’s behavior (Siegel and Payne, 2014; Byrne Biancardi, 2014). Teaching about acceptable, appropriate and kind behavior may seem like a lot of time and effort at the outset. However, if discipline is done well, you will have to discipline less over time because skill-building helps children to become self-disciplined, with the ultimate goal of them developing into healthy, well adjusted, and considerate adults.
Next up, in Part 2 of this blog series, we will explore some useful tips to consider and implement when disciplining your children. At Fuller Life, we are here to provide resources and assistance to support your journey in teaching and guiding your children.   Resources: Canadian Paediatric Society. Effective Discipline for Children. Paediatr Child Health. 2004 Jan; 9(1): 37–41. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2719514/ 

Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2014). No-drama discipline: The whole-brain way to calm the chaos and nurture your child’s developing mind (First edition.). New York: Bantam.

Byrne-Biancardi, S. (2014). 6 Secrets of Highly Effective Discipline From a Seasoned Teacher. https://afineparent.com/be-positive/effective-discipline.html   Contributed by Tamara Tatum, LMFT-Associate
Tamara Tatum, Resident Therapist
Supervised by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S  
Categories : Adolescents & Children, Communication, Counseling, Parenting, Relationships
Tags : discipline, misconceptions, parenting

Weighing In: Shame vs the Scale

Posted by 1-Lindsay Perry on
 March 14, 2019
  · No Comments

Everyday we can look around and see signs, commercials, and ads for the latest fad diets, extreme workouts, and weight-loss quick fixes. These diets label some specific food as “the fat maker”. The workouts make big promises but are too extreme to stick with long term. The weight-loss quick fix guarantees “this pill will melt fat away.” What are these ads really saying? They say that we need to change ourselves to achieve the “perfect body”. These messages look helpful from the outside. Yet, the more probable picture is not helpful at all. How much harm are these messages doing, and what does it mean for you?

What’s really being said?

On the surface, this message implies that we need to take better care of our physical health to look better and feel better, but sometimes that’s not all we receive. Sometimes we hear that we’re not good enough as we are. We start to believe that we need that slim physique to be happy and feel as though we’re worth something. Sometimes, we even start to believe that we are shameful for not matching that ideal body seen in the media. The danger of shame is the lengths we take to achieve the perfect body and what it really means about the way we view ourselves.

What messages are you receiving: motivation or shame?

You may be wondering what’s wrong with wanting to better yourself? On the outside, someone may have started eating healthier foods and working out every day, but what motivations lie underneath this lifestyle change? Someone taking steps towards making better eating choices for a healthier life is different from someone cutting out food groups out of fear and shame for being the size they are. Someone going for a walk or run more often to feel better is different from taking on an extreme workout program out of a desire to hurt and tear down the body to force it to change.

 Shame is not only mentally and emotionally exhausting, but also physically taxing when it manifests into the way we treat ourselves daily. For some, behaviors fueled by shame can become unhealthy habits or obsessions attempting to achieve or maintain the social construct of the “perfect” body. For others, the feelings of worthlessness and shame can be so strong that they immobilize them from even attempting to take care of themselves.

The weight of shame

In most experiences of shame, we isolate ourselves from those around us. We feel disconnected from the people in our lives and disconnected from ourselves. The weight of shame can be heavy and fuel our own form of self-abuse as we try to change ourselves. This self-abusing cycle of shame can lead to a deterioration of our mental, emotional, and physical health.

What is a healthier approach?

We can start to uncover an expose our shame by becoming aware of it. Taking a moment of pause and being curious about what is driving us to change ourselves is a first step in becoming more aware. We notice our motivations and what our inner voices are telling us about the changes we feel we need to make to our bodies. When we become more aware, we give more power to ourselves. In our awareness, we can start to show ourselves kindness and compassion through the things we tell ourselves and combat the heaviness of shame.

Beauty in diversity

If we all looked the same, the world would be a boring place. We are all beautiful in our own way and change in various and unique ways throughout our lives. Our differences make the world a more interesting and beautiful place, so why are we fighting so hard to look the same? We are all deserving of loving ourselves as we are. We are also deserving of wanting to do better for ourselves, but where does your motivation come from? Is our motivation a desire to be and feel healthier? Or is our need to change based on fear and shame for being the way we are? Knowing what drives us gives us new opportunities to show ourselves kindness.

Resources

Are you struggling with the weight of shame? Our therapists at Fuller Life Family Therapy provide a kind and compassionate space to help people work through shame, self-esteem, and a variety of other challenges. Call us today at (855) 245-5433 to schedule an appointment.

Body Positivity or Body Obsession? Learning to See More & Be More – TED Talk by Lindsay Kite

Shame, Body Image, and Weight Loss: Shame, the Master Emotion, Part 2 – David Bedrick J.D., Dipl PW

Contributed by:

Lindsay Perry, M.Ed, LPC Intern #79863

Clinical Supervision by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S, LPC-S

Categories : Counseling, Self-Awareness, Self-Esteem, Sticky
Tags : body, body image, mental health, physical health, self-esteem, shame, wellness

How Often do you Care for Yourself?

Posted by Manet Castaneda on
 January 31, 2019
  · 1 Comment

Self-Care Sunday

The phrase self-care is becoming more and more popular. It is a phrase we hear all over social media or in conversations with friend, and it has even become its own hashtag, ex: #selfcaresunday on Instagram.  However, sometimes it is used more as an excuse to self-indulge and less as a practice of *self-compassion. So, what does actual self-care look like?

From a therapeutic stand point, it looks like taking care of yourself in multiple ways. It can look like eating well, exercising, practicing mindfulness or even engaging in spiritual practices. It can involve making space to spend time with loved ones. In addition to taking care of your physical and emotional health, it is equally important to attend to the mental aspect of self-care.The mental aspect of self-care is an area of ourselves that we can often neglected if we are not being intentional. How often do you take time to sit with yourself to see where your mind is and what is going on? Do you find yourself constantly trying to keep busy or distracted so you don’t have to think? If this at all sounds familiar, then you may want to keep reading to find some ways you can take time to care about yourself on the inside. 

What does your self-talk sound like?

It is important to make note of how your self-talk impacts your self-care. Consider the following, how kind are you being to yourself as you go about your daily routine? How easy or challenging is it for you to say compassionate things to yourself when you make mistakes? In the wise words for Ru Paul, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” Often times we do not want to take time to notice how damaging a lack of self-kindness can be to our mind. Consider the R.A.I.N. exercise which can be used as a way of exploring yourself and what you are feeling in a compassionate and non-judgmental way. Self-care is a choice that has to be made on a daily basis. In this life you will constantly face situations in which you will have to choose between being kind to yourself or negate yourself the opportunity to experience kindness in that moment. 

How do you take care of yourself through adversity?

Part of life includes dealing with the consequences of our choices. We also cannot avoid life’s random accidents which can  bring adversity. During these times, how do you deal with yourself and others? How do you respond? Do you engage in self-care or is that the first thing to go out of the window? In the Bible, the author of Colossians 3:12 invites the reader to consider clothing themselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Regardless of your spiritual beliefs, there is value in noting that the author is asking the audience to consider choosing to live in a compassionate way through all that life can bring.  

Life is all about how we chose to face it. So reader, I challenge you to choose to respond to yourself with  kindness and compassion on a daily basis, because you already know what the alternative is. If you find yourself at a place where you are already working on these issues, then I commend you for having the courage and strength to practice self-care. However, if you are at a place where you are uncertain about what steps to take, then perhaps consider visiting a counselor who can help you in your journey towards greater self-care.

* Self-Compassion: Recognizing your own pain, suffering or discomfort and then choosing to respond with kindness. 

Other resources to consider:

Self-Care for the Real World

The Practice of Resilience

Create & Grow Healthy

Manet Castaneda, Resident Therapist, Fuller Life LOOP and WEST

Manet Castaneda, LPC-InternResident Therapist

Supervised by Amy Fuller PhD, LPC-S, LMFT-S

To schedule an appointment please contact me by email at Manet@FullerLifeFamilyTherapy.org, by phone at (832) 981-7690, or through our webform. 

Categories : Cognitive Reframing, Counseling, Covid-19, Emotional Intelligence, Lifestyle, Mental Health, Mindfulness Practice, Self-Awareness, Self-Care Practices, Self-Esteem
Tags : cognitive reframing, emotional intelligence, emotions, lifestyle, mental health, self care, self-awareness, self-care practices, self-esteem

Simple Skills for School Success

Posted by 1-Elisa Squier on
 September 4, 2018
  · No Comments

Summer is coming to a close, which for families means one thing: school is back in session. No more sleeping in until noon, spending the day playing outside or lounging around watching TV. Now it’s time for waking up early, spending all day inside a classroom, coming home to do homework, to go to sleep early to do it all over again the next day. In other words, it’s time for routine again.

Many things can make this transition difficult, but there are also ways to help make it easier for kids, teenagers, and even adults. By honing executive functioning skills, everyone can become more organized inside and out, ready to take on the day.

What are executive functioning skills?

Executive functioning skills are those skills necessary for everyday functioning. There are two main categories: behavioral and thinking skills. They are things such as the ability to complete tasks (behavioral), make decisions (thinking), and stay in control of emotions (behavioral). Both are equally important in helping a child make progress towards being an independent, fully-functioning adult.

School strategies

There are a variety of ways to establish routine and begin honing these skills. Start with the ones that need strengthening first. When it comes to school, planning and time management are crucial skills, along with task initiation and persistence (not procrastinating). Teenagers may be able to do many of these things on their own, but if you have younger children, feel free to help them out.

  • Buy a calendar – or if you’re crafty, make one. Find ways of organizing deadlines, appointments, and events in one location that’s easy to see.
  • Set a specific time and place to do homework – preferably free from distractions like TV or cell phones. Consistency will train the brain to get into “work” mode before sitting down to tackle another math problem.
  • Create a reward system – that will help motivate you to get things done. Instead of punishing yourself for not doing something, treat yourself when you finish a goal.

Start young

The earlier you start training the brain, the easier it is to form good, lasting habits. But don’t freak out if this is the first time hearing about these skills! Brains are resilient and maintain plasticity throughout a person’s entire lifetime. That’s a fancy way of saying that brains can be trained to learn new habits at any age, though it does take less time at a younger age.

Be age appropriate

Executive functioning skills are naturally honed over time, which means that as a child’s brain grows, so will its ability to function well. As a parent helping to train a young one’s mind, it is important to remember that a 6-year-old will not have the same abilities as a 16-year-old, no matter how much they practice.

Helpful Tips:

  • Modify chores or to-do lists to keep in mind a child’s ability
  • Keep in mind the child’s attention span

Check out Harvard’s free activity guide for help finding activities for the right age group.

Adults can do it too!

It’s important that parents play an active role in developing their child’s skills, since environment plays as big of a role as biology. However, you can only teach as much as you know. Try keeping a consistent schedule for yourself or creating your own reward system for goals you want to reach. It’ll help you stay on track, and you’ll be setting a great example for your kids.

Reference:

Dawson, P. and R. Guare (2009). Smart but scattered. New York: Guilford Press.

For more information:

Understanding Executive Functioning

Executive Function Is Key to Student Achievement

What is Executive Functioning? Video

Contributed by Elisa Squier, M.MFT, LMFT Associate

Clinical Supervision by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S, LPC-S

Categories : Adolescents & Children, The Human Brain
Tags : executive functioning, kids, school, success
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