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Weighing In: Shame vs the Scale

March 14, 2019

Everyday we can look around and see signs, commercials, and ads for the latest fad diets, extreme workouts, and weight-loss quick fixes. These diets label some specific food as “the fat maker”. The workouts make big promises but are too extreme to stick with long term. The weight-loss quick fix guarantees “this pill will melt fat away.” What are these ads really saying? They say that we need to change ourselves to achieve the “perfect body”. These messages look helpful from the outside. Yet, the more probable picture is not helpful at all. How much harm are these messages doing, and what does it mean for you?

What’s really being said?

On the surface, this message implies that we need to take better care of our physical health to look better and feel better, but sometimes that’s not all we receive. Sometimes we hear that we’re not good enough as we are. We start to believe that we need that slim physique to be happy and feel as though we’re worth something. Sometimes, we even start to believe that we are shameful for not matching that ideal body seen in the media. The danger of shame is the lengths we take to achieve the perfect body and what it really means about the way we view ourselves.

What messages are you receiving: motivation or shame?

You may be wondering what’s wrong with wanting to better yourself? On the outside, someone may have started eating healthier foods and working out every day, but what motivations lie underneath this lifestyle change? Someone taking steps towards making better eating choices for a healthier life is different from someone cutting out food groups out of fear and shame for being the size they are. Someone going for a walk or run more often to feel better is different from taking on an extreme workout program out of a desire to hurt and tear down the body to force it to change.

Shame is not only mentally and emotionally exhausting, but also physically taxing when it manifests into the way we treat ourselves daily. For some, behaviors fueled by shame can become unhealthy habits or obsessions attempting to achieve or maintain the social construct of the “perfect” body. For others, the feelings of worthlessness and shame can be so strong that they immobilize them from even attempting to take care of themselves.

The weight of shame

In most experiences of shame, we isolate ourselves from those around us. We feel disconnected from the people in our lives and disconnected from ourselves. The weight of shame can be heavy and fuel our own form of self-abuse as we try to change ourselves. This self-abusing cycle of shame can lead to a deterioration of our mental, emotional, and physical health.

What is a healthier approach?

We can start to uncover an expose our shame by becoming aware of it. Taking a moment of pause and being curious about what is driving us to change ourselves is a first step in becoming more aware. We notice our motivations and what our inner voices are telling us about the changes we feel we need to make to our bodies. When we become more aware, we give more power to ourselves. In our awareness, we can start to show ourselves kindness and compassion through the things we tell ourselves and combat the heaviness of shame.

Beauty in diversity

If we all looked the same, the world would be a boring place. We are all beautiful in our own way and change in various and unique ways throughout our lives. Our differences make the world a more interesting and beautiful place, so why are we fighting so hard to look the same? We are all deserving of loving ourselves as we are. We are also deserving of wanting to do better for ourselves, but where does your motivation come from? Is our motivation a desire to be and feel healthier? Or is our need to change based on fear and shame for being the way we are? Knowing what drives us gives us new opportunities to show ourselves kindness.

Resources

Are you struggling with the weight of shame? Our therapists at Fuller Life Family Therapy provide a kind and compassionate space to help people work through shame, self-esteem, and a variety of other challenges. Call us today at (855) 245-5433 to schedule an appointment.

Body Positivity or Body Obsession? Learning to See More & Be More – TED Talk by Lindsay Kite

Shame, Body Image, and Weight Loss: Shame, the Master Emotion, Part 2 – David Bedrick J.D., Dipl PW

Contributed by:

Lindsay Perry, M.Ed, LPC Intern #79863

Clinical Supervision by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S, LPC-S

Categories : Counseling, Self-Awareness, Self-Esteem, Sticky

Tags : body, body image, mental health, physical health, self-esteem, shame, wellness

The Body and Trauma: From Frozen to Fully Living

Posted by Tamara Tatum on

July 27, 2017

· No Comments

An Impala and A Cheetah

Imagine yourself as an impala grazing along a lush plain. You hear rustling in a nearby brush. Your body tenses and your senses become alert. You see nothing and then suddenly, out of the brush, a cheetah lunges. You begin running as fast as possible, about seventy miles per hour. The cheetah begins closing in. Finally, he pounces and makes contact. Your body freezes. You collapse and appear immobile, though on the inside, energy is coursing through your body still at seventy miles per hour (adapted from Levine, 1997).

After an overwhelming situation has occurred, it is not uncommon for our bodies to react as though the stress is still present – feeling agitated, shaky, breathing heavily, etc. In most circumstances, our bodies are able to relax and return to a normal state after a relatively brief period of time. Unfortunately, this is often not the case for people who have endured trauma.

The Experience of Trauma

While traumatic experiences vary along a wide spectrum, a common thread can be found in its expression. Experiencing fight, flight or freeze responses are our bodies natural and good reactions to stressful and scary circumstances. However, for some of those who have experienced trauma, the brain keeps telling the body to escape a threat that no longer exists (Van Der Kolk, 2014). Many people who have experienced trauma live as though they have been imprisoned by fear and are unable to re-engage in present life (Levine, 1997).

In his book, Waking the Tiger, Levine describes post-traumatic stress disorder as, “incomplete physiological responses suspended in fear.” Going back to your experience as an impala, your body froze when the cheetah finally pounced. Yet, there was heightened energy from the terrifying chase that remained stuck inside your immobile body. A similar thing happens for those who have post-traumatic stress disorder. The body remains hypervigilant, prepared to be assaulted or violated again, and the survivor’s energy now becomes focused on suppressing this inner chaos (Van Der Kolk, 2014). This suppression has been shown to take a toll on the body and can lead to fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue and autoimmune disorders (Van Der Kolk, 2014).

Healing the Body, Mind and Spirit

In order to experience healing, the body needs to learn that the danger has passed and begin living fully in the present (Van Der Kolk, 2014). It is not enough to tell and re-tell the story of the trauma. Change needs to happen at the physical level as well (Van der Kolk, 2014). According to Levine (1997), trauma survivors need to pass through the state of immobility and liberate the suppressed energy.

Reconnecting mind, body and spirit is an important step to recovering from trauma. “Trauma robs you of the feeling that you are in charge of yourself…. The challenge of recovery is to reestablish ownership of your body and your mind – of your self” (Van Der Kolk, 2014).

A Few Exercises

The following exercise by Peter Levine (1997) is to welcome your mind and spirit back to your body:

For ten minutes each day, take a gentle, pulsing shower in the following way: at a cool or slightly warm temperature setting, expose your entire body to the pulsing water, one part at a time.

Put your full awareness into the region of your body where the rhythmical stimulation is focused. Let your consciousness move to each part of your body as you rotate. Hold the backs of your hands to the shower head; then the palms and wrists; then both sides of your face, shoulders, underarms, etc. Be sure to include every part of your body. Pay attention to the sensation in each area, even if it feels blank, numb, or painful. While you are doing this say, “This is my head. This is my neck. This is my hand.” etc. “I welcome you back.”

Below is an exercise by Levine (1997) designed to begin accessing the body’s natural wisdom:

As you read this, make yourself as comfortable as possible. Feel the way your body makes contact with the surface that is supporting you.

Sense into your skin and notice the way your clothes feel.

Sense underneath your skin – what sensations are there?

Now, gently remembering these sensations, how do you know that you feel comfortable?

What physical sensations contribute to the overall feeling of comfort?

Does becoming more aware of these sensations make you feel more or less comfortable?

Does this change over time?

Sit for a moment and enjoy the felt sense of feeling comfortable!

Using these exercises can help you to become more grounded and connected to your body.

For other body-oriented therapeutic trauma treatments, read this blog from our archives. At Fuller Life Family Therapy, we offer trauma-informed care to help you move from frozen in a traumatic past to living fully in the present.

Resources

https://fullerlifefamilytherapy.org/yoga-and-trauma/

Levine, P. (1997). Waking the Tiger.

Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score.

Contributed by

Tamara Tatum, LMFT-Associate