Bridge banner
Fuller Life Family Therapy Institute
  • Home
    • Our Story
    • Our Core Values
    • Partner with Us
    • Our Training
    • Donate
  • Info
    • Our Locations
    • New Client Forms
    • Therapy Fees
    • Information for New clients
    • Secure Inquiry Form
    • Initial Session Form
    • Telemental Health Consent Form
  • Services
    • Individual Counseling
    • Couples Counseling
    • Family Counseling
    • Counseling Kids
    • Counseling with Teens
    • Speaking Engagements
  • Team
    • Harold Gibson, Student Therapist
    • Lindsay Perry, Resident Therapist, Loop
    • Stephanie Jordan, Resident Therapist, Loop
    • Chantail Green, Resident Therapist
    • Dormetra Henry, Resident Therapist
    • Riya Roney, Resident Therapist
    • Dr. Amy Fuller, Clinical Director
  • Resources
    • Houston Sliding-Scale Therapy Agencies
    • Mental Health Resources
      • Depression
      • Anxiety
    • Local Houston Resources
      • Helpful Books
      • Personal Bill of Rights
    • Healing Practices
      • Benefits of Self-Compassion
      • Self-Care Practices
      • Self-Compassion
  • Blog
    • Blog Grid
    • Resilient Relationships
    • Befriending Anxiety
    • Dancing Through Depression
    • Growing Kids and Teens
    • Healing Practices
    • Healing Trauma and Loss
    • Living Free from Addiction
    • Managing Anger and Stress
    • Sex Therapy
    • Navigating Separation, Divorce and Blended Families
    • Mindful Eating
    • Practicing Faith
  • New Year New You Challenge

Archive for connection

How to Connect with Your Child When You Swear He’s Lost it

Posted by Angela Blocker on
 August 18, 2016
  · 1 Comment

“‘Mom, you never leave me a note in the middle of the night and I hate homework!’ ‘What are you doing out of your bed? Go back to your room, and I don’t want to see you again until morning?'”

If any of this sounds familiar, you aren’t alone. This is an excerpt is from The Whole Brained Child  written by world renowned  neuropsychiatrist Dr. Daniel Siegal and inspiring speaker and author Dr. Tina Payne Bryson. In this best-selling book Dr.Siegal says the goal is to simply survive through the screaming in the grocery store moments  but you can use these moments to connect and THRIVE. Dr. Siegel coaches parents to teach their children 12 self-regulatory techniques to use during a  high intensity meltdown. One of the techniques is fueled by  an understanding of a child’s left and right brain.

Left and Right Brain Integration

It is probably familiar knowledge that the brain consists of two hemispheres that function differently. The left brain is the literal and rational side. It values organization, lists, and problem-solving. The right brain is its opposite. It plays a part in emotional processing, facial recognition, tone, context, and alerts us to feeling sensations in our body. The integration of both hemispheres trains a child or teen to value their reasoning side and also their creative feeling side.

However, human brains do not fully develop until the mid-twenties so children are often dysregulated. Picture a teenager who says everything is fine but you hear sobbing at night or a 3 yr old screaming because his toy doesn’t fly like it does on the commercial. A parent who has tools to teach them to integrate earlier will help them learn to surf through big right brained waves of emotions and problem solve their way out of them in an understanding way

Here’s one way method to try:

Connect and Redirect

When Tina’s son was upset because he couldn’t climb on the walls like Spiderman, she explains that would not have been the best time to explain the laws of physics because he was acting out of his right brain and any left brain information like logic would be counterproductive. In children, especially young children, the emotions of the right brain often take over the logic of the left brain. Parents connect with the emotional side of their child by interacting right brain to right brain. After connecting, the parents appeal to the logical and reasoning side of the child by connecting left brain to left brain through problem solving.

What It Looks Like

Step 1: Connect with the feeling side of your child’s right brain. Attempting to connect with them from a logical perspective by asking questions and seeking explanation can prove ineffective. Recognize that the feelings are real and important to your child.  Connect through the use nonverbal signs such as eye contact, lowering yourself to the height of the child, physical touch and warm facial expressions. Alter your tone of voice to be nurturing and listen without judgment.

Step 2: Redirect with the logical, linguistic and literal left brain. Sometimes the emotional waves just need to crash until the storm passes. After it passes, you can address your child’s left brain. He may simply need to eat or get some sleep. All the rules about respect and behavior still apply in moments of high emotion and inappropriate behavior (as defined by your family) remains off-limits. It may be a good idea to discuss misbehavior and its consequences after  he has calmed down.

In the scenario described above, Dr. Siegal and Dr.Payne give an example of the mother’s response using connect and redirect:

“Mom you never leave me a note in the middle of the night and I hate homework!” “I get frustrated about things like that too. Want me to leave you a note, tonight? And I’ve got some ideas for homework, but it’s late now, so let’s talk more tomorrow.”

FullerLife is here to help you and your child face fewer crises and live more integrated lives.

 

Are you more Left-brained or Right-brained?  What about your child? Using these tools could bring insight into you and your child’s interactions.

Dr. Siegal explains, “Connect and Redirect”

 

For the other 11 Strategies from The Whole Brained Child, go to http://www.drdansiegel.com/books/the_whole_brain_child/

 

Contributed by

Angela Blocker , M.A, LMFT Associate

Clinical Supervision by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT, LPC

 

References

  • Melina, R. (2011, January 12). What’s the Difference Between the Right Brain and Left Brain? Retrieved July 18, 2016, from http://www.livescience.com/32935-whats-the-difference-between-the-right-brain-and-left-brain.html
  • McClellan, A. (2012, May 29). Tapestry Adoption & Foster Care Ministry. Retrieved August 18, 2016, from http://tapestryministry.org/whole-brain-strategy-1-connect-and-redirect/
Categories : Adolescents & Children, Parenting
Tags : adolescents, behavior, children, connection, neurobiology, parenting, parenting strategy, temper tantrums

Loving the Lonely You

Posted by Angela Blocker on
 March 7, 2016
  · No Comments

Loneliness affects everyone at some point in their lives. Studies show that married, single, young, old, employed and unemployed – all of us experience bouts of loneliness. Loneliness is the gap between the perception we have of our relationships and the ones we would like to have. Loneliness is inevitable to some degree.

What do you do when you feel alone?

  1. Take a break from the Internet. Researchers have found that higher internet usage leads to a decrease in communication with family members and a decrease in social circle size. It has also been shown to increase depression and feelings of loneliness. This is especially true with social media outlets. Choose a day this week to be free from social media.
  1. Hug it Out. Hugging has been proven to increase the social bonding and trust chemical oxytocin and also stimulates dopamine, a chemical positively linked to higher self-esteem and self-confidence.  Hugging also increases serotonin, a chemical lower, or absent, in those who are depressed or chronically lonely.
    1. Hug a friend or loved one
    2. Hug an object – Hugging an inanimate object has been shown to reduce fears of mortality. In fact, a “hugging chair” exists in Japan, a country with high suicide rates, created for the sole purpose of curbing loneliness. For those of us without access to that chair, grab a pillow or stuffed toy.
    3. Hug yourself – A research team in the UK has found that crossing your arms around yourself confuses the brain and relieves physical pain. Kelly McGonigal, health psychologist and Stanford University professor states, “A self-hug should reduce pain in other ways, too, providing contact comfort and a feeling of safety and self-compassion that reduces the nervous system’s reactivity to pain and threat.” Go ahead. Give yourself a big hug.
  1. Get lost in a joyful memory. Spend five minutes reflecting on the best social interaction you’ve had. Who were you with? What were you doing? Consider the things you saw, smelled, felt, tasted and heard. Reflecting back helps to improve mood and increase life satisfaction.
  1. Embrace the solitude. Mindful solitude for the sole purpose of enjoying your own company can have positive benefits. These include, uplifted mood and increased self-confidence. Learn to cherish being alone by watching this inspiring four-minute video.

If you are in the Houston area, our team of therapists at Fuller Life offer professional therapy for all persons regardless of income and assist in helping individuals build genuine connections.

Note: If you are experiencing persistent feelings of sadness, loss of interest in activities and/or suicidal thoughts, seek out a licensed mental health professional or call 911 to receive assistance.

 

References

Dorfman, A. (2010). How To Be Alone. Retrieved February 17, 2016, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs

Gallace A, Torta DM, Moseley GL, & Iannetti  (2011). The analgesic effect of crossing the arms. Pain 152(6):1418-23.

Halvorson, H. G. (2010). The Cure for Loneliness. Retrieved February 17, 2016, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-success/201010/the-cure-loneliness

Kraut, R., Patterson, M., Lundmark, V., Kiesler, S., Mukophadhyay, T., & Scherlis, W. (1998). Internet paradox: A social technology that reduces social involvement and psychological well-being?. American psychologist,53(9), 1017.

McGonigal, K. (2014). Hugging Yourself Reduces Physical Pain. Retrieved February 17, 2016, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-willpower/201105/hugging-yourself-reduces-physical-pain

Moye, D. (2014). ‘Hugging Chair’ Invented To Cure Loneliness. Retrieved February 17, 2016, from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/04/japanese-hugging-chair_n_5930264.html

Peplau, L., & Perlman, D. (1982). Perspectives on loneliness. In L. Peplau & D. Perlman (Eds.), Loneliness: A sourcebook of current theory, research and therapy (pp. 1-20). New York, NY: John Wiley and Sons.

Categories : Compassion, Counseling, Covid-19, Self-Care Practices, Self-Validation (affirmations)
Tags : acceptance, compassion, connection, loneliness, self-care, social media, solitude

How to Strengthen Our Bonds

Posted by Lesley Anne Mendonça on
 May 27, 2014

canstockphoto19810356As human beings, there are certain things that we require in order to live healthy, happy lives.  We require food and drink for sustenance, sleep and exercise for physical stamina, and daily commitments for a healthy mind.  It does not end there, however.  We are hard-wired to crave emotional connection with others, and to belong to one another.  Emotional connection is a basic human need.  Our need for belonging can often go unnoticed or minimized in comparison to our day-to-day responsibilities.  And in stressful times, our bonds can be the first thing to go!  However, keeping strong bonds with one another is essential to living out healthy and happy lives.

In psychology, the term ‘attachment’ often causes us to think of the bonds formed between babies and caregivers, as defined by John Bowlby decades ago.  However, our need to attach to others remains throughout our lifetime.  In modern psychology, adult attachment refers to emotional engagement, attention and responsiveness (Johnson, 2004, p. 33).  Our need to reach out to others and feel connection and belonging remains well into adulthood, and our sense of well-being is intertwined with the strength of our bonds.  The following tips can give us the help we sometimes need to keep our bonds strong and our connections open and flowing.

[Incorporate vulnerability.]  Vulnerability is one of the least pleasant feelings to experience, and yet it can do the most good for our relationships. Ten Guideposts One easy tip to practice more vulnerability in our relationships is to simply change the type of conversations we have.  When we spend a little more time admitting the honesty of our feelings with those we love, it often engages others and draws them in closer.  It is possible, however, that some of our loved ones are not yet equipped to respond well to our vulnerable moments.  If we choose to risk vulnerability with someone who responds poorly, we might begin to build even more walls.  Therefore, it can help to notice those who respond to our feelings with empathy and care.  We can then choose who we want to risk vulnerability with. Vulnerability researcher Brene Brown has written countless books on this very subject, and offers guideposts on how to embrace vulnerability daily.  Finally, we must learn to recognize when others are risking vulnerability and work to be emotionally accessible and responsive.  This is equally as important in strengthening bonds.

[Gain insight into the self.]  Practicing self-awareness will always be an asset to emotional health.  To know oneself means to know ones strengths and limitations, and to know ones potential woundedness, as well.  Our limitations, though uncomfortable to experience, serve as a beautiful access point for others to connect with us.  We can also practice mindfulness of our moment-to-moment emotional state, and use our insight for more guided navigation in our relationships.  Attachment theorist, Sue Johnson, points out that fear and uncertainty activate attachment needs.  What this means is that when we are under duress, our need for connection grows even stronger.  We can use this knowledge to our benefit by working to skillfully reach for support when we are most in need of it.  Finally, we must not forget to love ourselves and others, even when the going gets rough.  Brene Brown shares, “How much we know and understand ourselves is critically important, but there is something that is even more essential…: loving ourselves.”

[Lean into discomfort.]  When we are able to find comfort in one another, it feeds our need for connection beautifully.  In moments such as these, we can build on our experience.  For example, we can notice when someone responds to us with empathy and intentionally thank them for their support.  When we tell others how much their support means, we increase the likelihood for connection to occur again – thus strengthening the bond.  We can also experience great discomfort in reaching out – especially if we are not responded to well.  However, never fear the discomfort! It is in our least comfortable moments that we can do the most growing.  The most important thing to realize is that our goal is to be connected, which might sometimes not involve instant comfort.  However, comfort will grow with practice in the presence of empathy and compassion!  Brown says that “vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage.  Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”

In the process of strengthening our ties to one another, it is imperative to see the work we do through the lens of love.  When our bonds are stressed, when we feel the pangs of disappointment, when our efforts towards vulnerability are thwarted – we need not be distracted from our purpose – love.  We are not pursuing just any type of connection, we are pursuing loving connection.  And we are fighting for the love in our lives, which will inevitably involve struggle, discomfort and frustration.  We can thank these growing pains for the loving ties we have!

Johnson, S. M.  (2004).  Creating connection: The practice of emotionally focused couple therapy.  New York, NY: Routledge.

Lesley Anne Mendonça

Lesley Anne Mendonça,

M.A., LMFT-Associate, LPC-Intern

Supervised by Dr. Amy Fuller, LMFT-S, LPC-S

Categories : Compassion, Relationships, Self-Care Practices, Sticky
Tags : bonding, Communication, connection, Empathy, relationships, self-awareness, self-compassion
 FULLER LIFE LOOP
4545 Bissonnet, Suite 289, Bellaire, Texas 77401
FULLER LIFE WEST
10333 Harwin Drive Suite 375D Houston TX 77036
info@ FullerLifeFamilyTherapy.org

CALL TODAY! 

(855) 245-5433

Submit a confidential request on our HIPAA Compliant form

Scoop It
Facebook
Twitter
Linked In
Instagram
Google plus

Complete our Secure Inquiry Form:

Tags

2017 abuse acceptance ADD/ADHD Addiction addictions adolescents adolescents and children adult children adultery affair African Americans anger anger management anxiety anxiety & panic anxiety and panic anxiety issues ASD Assertiveness Attention disorders autism spectrum disorder Awareness baby baby blues behavior bipolar disorder Black in America blended families blended family body body-oriented therapy body image bonding borderline personality disorder boundaries Bowen breath work breathwork burnout burnout prevention CBT centering prayer child development children children of divorce child therapy choicemaking Christmas cognitive distortions cognitive reframing cognitive therapy Communication communications communication skills compassion conflict conflict resolution conform conformity connection core beliefs counseling counseling for couples couples Couples counseling Couples exercises creativity Critical Thinking Cultural Differences culture Curiosity death decisions defensiveness depression difference disappointment discipline diversity divorce Domestic Violence eating disorders Emotional Abuse emotional intelligence emotional regulation emotions emotions and relationships Empathy energy engaged couple engagement executive functioning expression failure faith families family family stress family therapy fear forgiveness Foster Cline George Floyd graduation gratitude grief Grief Models growth growth mindset guilt versus shame guilt vs shame habit forming habits happiness healing healthy living holiday blahs holiday blues holiday season human brain I-statements Infidelity insomnia intimacy intimacy & sex intimate partner violence Jim Fay Job Stress John Gottman kids laughter learning disabilities leisure lifestyle listening loneliness loss love major depression manipulation Marital Satisfaction marriage marriage counseling marriage expectations Marriage therapy meaning of the Holiday mental health mental health service providers mindfulness mindfulness practice misconceptions motherhood motivation Negative Sentiment Override neurobiology New Year online therapy overthink panic parental conflict parenting parenting strategy Parenting with Love and Logic patience peace perfectionism personal narrative personal power Physical Abuse physical health physical well-being Play Therapy positive engagement positive self talk Positive Sentiment Override post partum depression powerful powerlessness pregnancy Premarital Premarital counseling premarital therapy prepare/enrich presence Problem Solving procrastination productivity psychological help Racism and Grief relationship relationships relationships. couples resilience resolutions rest Romance Romantic ideas rumination school seeking treatment self-assertion self-awareness self-care Self-Care Practice self-care practices self-compassion self-control self-esteem SELF-VALIDATION (AFFIRMATIONS) self care separation sex sexual desire sexual education shame shame versus guilt shame vs guilt skills sleep sleeping disorders social media social networking social skills solitude special needs children Spiritual Abuse spirituality stepfamilies stepfamily stepparenting stress stress manage stress management success support technology teen acting out teenagers teen anger teens telehealth teletherapy temper tantrums The Human Brain therapist therapy thought paralysis time management Transitions trauma trauma and loss trust uncertainty Unemployment universal statements Valentines Day values vulnerability wait waiting wedding preparations wellness women women's anger work-life balance

Optin Form

Scoop It
Facebook
Twitter
Linked In
Instagram
Google plus

DONATE

Fuller Life Family Therapy Institute
  • Home
    • Our Story
    • Our Core Values
    • Partner with Us
    • Our Training
    • Donate
  • Info
    • Our Locations
    • New Client Forms
    • Therapy Fees
    • Information for New clients
    • Secure Inquiry Form
    • Initial Session Form
    • Telemental Health Consent Form
  • Services
    • Individual Counseling
    • Couples Counseling
    • Family Counseling
    • Counseling Kids
    • Counseling with Teens
    • Speaking Engagements
  • Team
    • Harold Gibson, Student Therapist
    • Lindsay Perry, Resident Therapist, Loop
    • Stephanie Jordan, Resident Therapist, Loop
    • Chantail Green, Resident Therapist
    • Dormetra Henry, Resident Therapist
    • Riya Roney, Resident Therapist
    • Dr. Amy Fuller, Clinical Director
  • Resources
    • Houston Sliding-Scale Therapy Agencies
    • Mental Health Resources
      • Depression
      • Anxiety
    • Local Houston Resources
      • Helpful Books
      • Personal Bill of Rights
    • Healing Practices
      • Benefits of Self-Compassion
      • Self-Care Practices
      • Self-Compassion
  • Blog
    • Blog Grid
    • Resilient Relationships
    • Befriending Anxiety
    • Dancing Through Depression
    • Growing Kids and Teens
    • Healing Practices
    • Healing Trauma and Loss
    • Living Free from Addiction
    • Managing Anger and Stress
    • Sex Therapy
    • Navigating Separation, Divorce and Blended Families
    • Mindful Eating
    • Practicing Faith
  • New Year New You Challenge
Fuller Life Family Therapy Institute | Copyright © 2021 All Rights Reserved
iThemes Builder by iThemes | Powered by WordPress