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Archive for family

Unlocking the Signs and Secrets to the Baby Blues

Posted by 1-Elisa Squier on
 March 20, 2019
  · No Comments

A woman’s identity changes when she becomes a mother. She starts to become known as so-and-so’s mom. People want to see the baby, not her. Priorities shift as she considers the needs of this helpless human, who demands her time and attention. When all is well, she is happy and eager to pour out love and affection. But what happens when that happiness wanes? When everything feels like a chore or a burden? When helplessness or resentment take over?

“Baby Blues” vs Postpartum Depression

There comes a time in a mother’s life, especially a new mother, when she feels overwhelmed. Housework is mounting, sleep is lacking, hormones are temperamental. The good news is that these feelings and stresses are normal. About 80 percent of all new mothers’ experience feelings of helplessness or anxiety.  And yet these are experiences that are rarely talked about. These experiences can include thoughts and feelings that women feel ashamed of, but that are normal. When those negative feelings linger more than the first few weeks after giving birth, that may be a sign of something bigger.  This is called postpartum depression.

Many women experience some depressive symptoms within the first week of giving birth: crying, low motivation, feeling sad, high stress levels, exhaustion. These “baby blues” as some call them, affect nearly 4 in 5 women, but usually disappear after the first few weeks. This is a natural reaction to the influx of hormones, physical strain of birth, and overall change of having a baby in the home. When those feelings persist for weeks on end, that is a sign of something more serious: postpartum depression.

Postpartum depression (PPD) is a condition that affects up to 1 in 5 women who have given birth. It includes all the same feelings as regular depression, but they last longer or may be intensified. These include feelings of helplessness or worthlessness and can even lead to thoughts of harming yourself or your child. PPD can be debilitating or lead to feelings of being incapable as a mother, but it doesn’t last forever.

Tips for Dealing with Postpartum Depression

Breastfeed

If you can, breastfeed. New research has shown that breastfeeding has a strong connection with postpartum depression. Women who breastfeed tend to have a decreased risk for developing or sustaining postpartum depression. Not all women are physically able to breastfeed for a variety of reasons, and if you can’t, there’s no need to feel bad about it. But if you can, breastfeeding provides great benefits for both the mother and child.

Prioritize Sleep

Obviously, this can be hard with a newborn baby, but sleep has profound effects on how you feel on a day-to-day basis. Try to sleep when the baby when sleeps as often as you can. Ask a friend or relative to come watch the baby while you sleep.

Seek help

Women who experience PPD are at a higher risk for experiencing other issues, such as suicidal thoughts and increased anxiety. If left untreated, these can have major consequences for you and your family. Talk to a health care professional  or seek therapy. Seeking professional help can help alleviate these issues and lead to a much more satisfying life for you and your family.

Medication options

In some cases, medication can be a helpful option for women struggling with PPD. Talk to your doctor and be open about your symptoms. Be sure to learn about medication side effects before adding anything new, especially if you are breastfeeding or taking any other medication. Your doctor or pharmacist can help with any questions you may have.

Remember, you’re not alone and you don’t have to live with these feelings! You don’t have to carry any shame for feeling down or struggling. You can reach out for help and find a way through with patience, self-kindness and support.

Read more about PPD:

Baby Blues Gone Bad
https://www.postpartumdepression.org/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4842365/

Contributed by Elisa Squier, M.MFT, LMFT Associate

Clinical Supervision by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S, LPC-S

Categories : Counseling
Tags : anxiety, baby blues, depression, family, mental health, motherhood, pregnancy, shame, wellness

Baby Makes Three: Moving from Couple to Family

Posted by 1-Elisa Squier on
 July 17, 2018
  · No Comments

A new baby can be a time for great celebration, but it can also be a terrifying and stressful experience. The first night – and many afterwards – can create anxiety as the new parents try to figure out how to take care of this fragile new human. Unfortunately, this anxiety that comes with inexperience and uncertainty doesn’t stay contained in the role as a parent – it affects how people behave in their role as spouse. It’s no wonder that marital tensions skyrocket during the first three years of parenthood. The bad news is that there’s no way to keep stress from your marriage and from your new family. The good news is this doesn’t mean resentment and distance have to become the new normal.

Here are a few guidelines adapted from John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman’s book, And Baby Makes Three – an easy read about their years of research on first-time families. These will help you and your spouse – and the baby – stay connected and loving through the good – and the stressful – days ahead.

PRIORITIZE YOUR MARRIAGE

  • Remember that you have a partner, not just a baby

A huge source of tension comes from one partner feeling that he or she has been replaced by a newborn. It is important to continue to have joint time with the baby, as well as one-on-one time with your partner to keep the intimacy going.

  • Appreciate your partner

When you feel like there is so much to do, remember that you and your partner are a team. Both of you have responsibilities. Both of you participate in the never-ending list of chores. Be sure to tell your spouse what you appreciate about her. Tell him you love him. Let her know you see what she is doing and thank her for it.

  • Keep communication open about desires

Things are different now. What may have been pleasurable earlier in the relationship may no longer be pleasurable. Remember that the female body has just gone through a natural, but still traumatic, experience. Her body is initially keyed to the baby, whether breastfeeding or not. She may not be ready for sex. And when she is, she may not like the same things. Whether sexual or non-sexual attention, it is important for both to express their readiness and desires.

CHANGE THE WAY YOU FIGHT

  • Approach topics gently

Remember that both of you are tired and stressed with all the extra work and all the sleepless nights both of you have endured. Even though it will be one of the hardest times to do it, have patience with each other and present your needs or desires in noncritical ways.

  • Apologize when you mess up

Nobody is perfect all the time. Again, remember that both of you are under a lot of pressure. You’re going to say things you don’t mean. Or use a harsh tone. Or forget to do something. The important thing is that when you do let the stress get the better of you, just apologize. Making things right in the moment helps to keep the tension between the two of you from building.

  • Don’t argue in front of your baby

This is actually a crucial piece to keeping your baby healthy, especially in the early months.* It doesn’t mean that you can’t argue. In fact, it would be unrealistic and detrimental to the relationship to hold things back. However, babies pick up on the emotional atmosphere, and it is important for them to maintain a calm and happy environment. Pick a time and a place where you and your partner can go to discuss whatever may be bothering you, and then come back together with the baby once neither of you feels agitated anymore.

*This will begin to change once the baby gets to be a year or older and they have stronger cognitive abilities to understand arguments

Remember that this is a time of transition for both of you. No relationship is the same forever. There will be trial and error for both of you. But in the end, your family will thank you.

For other daily marriage tips, you can subscribe to the Gottman Marriage Minute newsletter here.

For more parenting tips, check out our other posts here.

Reference:

Gottman, J. M. & J. S. Gottman (2007). And baby makes three. New York: Three Rivers Press.

Contributed by Elisa Squier, M.MFT, LMFT Associate

Clinical Supervision by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S, LPC-S

 

Categories : Adolescents & Children, Couples, Marriage, Parenting, Parenting, Relationships
Tags : baby, conflict, couples, family, marriage, parenting

Healing Practices: Creating Technology Balance

Posted by JenniferChristian on
 May 9, 2013

This is our third post in a series where we explore daily practices that nurture and encourage healing. Our last post discussed “The Importance of Play.” This post explores how we can create balance and boundaries with our digital devices in ways that honor our relationship with ourselves, as well as our relationships with others.

Benefits of Technology

Video ChatMost of us enjoy our digital devices. They enable us to express ourselves via blogs, tweets, facebook, and forums that connect ideas globally. We have the ability to speak face-to-face with loved ones even if they live across the world. We are no longer confined to our desks and offices, and can connect easily with groups in order to accomplish work and study tasks. Favorite movies, videos, and games are available on demand wherever we are. Shopping needs are satisfied instantly with just a click.

Challenges of Technology

While we may enjoy our devices, it may be helpful to reflect on how technologies impact the ways we relate to ourselves and others. Over the past two decades, digital devices have changed what we do with our time and how we connect with others. Cell phones, iPads, minis, laptops, and video games are constant companions. How and when did this happen? The New York Times article, Silicon Valley Says Step Away from the Device, used this metaphor:

“If you put a frog in cold water and slowly turn up the heat, it’ll boil to death — it’s a nice analogy,” said Mr. Crabb, who oversees learning and development at facebook. People “need to notice the effect that time online has on your performance and relationships.”

The constant pull of these devices makes it difficult to be fully present with the people around us. We might have lunch with a friend when our phone beeps to alert us of a text or facebook message. How do we decide what is most important for this moment? Do we notice that our attention has shifted and that we are no longer engaged in the original conversation? How do we balance the ever-increasing demands of our devices so that we continue to stay connected with the people right in front of us?

To make our life livable, we have to have spaces where we are fully present to each other or to ourselves, where we are not competing with the roar of the Internet and the people around us are not competing with the latest news off the facebook status update. They may not have anything new. They may just be there being in a way that needs attention. Sherry Turkle, On Being

Find a Balance

Sherry Turkle suggests creating time in our day that she calls “sacred spaces.” These are times when we set aside digital devices in order to be present with ourselves and the people around us. These intentional sacred spaces might include:

  • Family at dinnerDropping off and picking up kids from school.
  • Dinner time as a family or couple.
  • Time with oneself, such as a walk around the neighborhood.

Brené Brown suggests creating what she calls “white space” in the day. When we stop at a red light, many of us automatically check texts or facebook. This constant need to stay plugged in does not allow our mind space to slow down and rest. Brown suggests noticing this compulsive tendency and letting it go.What if we took the moment to just be? We could connect with our breathing, notice the surroundings, and reengage with the present moment? S.T.O.P. is an example of a mindfulness exercise that may assist us in learning to be present in the little tiny white spaces of our day.

S.T.O.P.

S – Stop or pause.

T – Take a deep breath and relax.

O – Observe in the present moment: What sounds do I notice? Where is my breath? How does my body feel? What am I saying in my mind? What is one way I can respond to myself with compassion in this moment?

P – Proceed – Where was my attention before S.T.O.P.? Did it match my intention? Do I want to continue or attend to something else? (Zylowska, 2012)

Some people take an opposite approach and set certain times of the day to plug in. This may mean limiting email, Twitter, and facebook to certain times of the day. Since they have specific time set aside for digital management, they are able to be more fully present with children, spouses, or family members.

Begin a Conversation

ConversationMany large companies related to the digital industry are joining the conversation on the benefits of unplugging for a little while every day. The executives at Google brought in Jon Kabat-Zinn to train their employees on how to practice mindfulness in order to decrease stress and become more present in their own lives. What if we begin a conversation with the important people in our lives about where technology fits and does not fit in our daily routines?

Take time to talk with family members about how digital devices enhance and detract from relationships. As we talk, we can begin to create boundaries that balance our significant relationships with the powerful benefits the digital world has to offer.

TED: Connected, but Also Alone

Sherry Turkle studies how our devices and online personas are redefining human connection and communication -- and asks us to think deeply about the new kinds of connection we want to have.

Contributed by:

Jennifer Christian, M.A., LPC

Categories : Boundaries, Counseling, Couples, Marriage, Relationships, Sticky, Stress Management, Time Management
Tags : family, marriage, relationships. couples, self-care, stress management, time management
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  • Home
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  • Info
    • Our Locations
    • New Client Forms
    • Therapy Fees
    • Information for New clients
    • Secure Inquiry Form
    • Initial Session Form
    • Telemental Health Consent Form
  • Services
    • Individual Counseling
    • Couples Counseling
    • Family Counseling
    • Counseling Kids
    • Counseling with Teens
    • Speaking Engagements
  • Team
    • Harold Gibson, Student Therapist
    • Lindsay Perry, Resident Therapist, Loop
    • Stephanie Jordan, Resident Therapist, Loop
    • Chantail Green, Resident Therapist
    • Dormetra Henry, Resident Therapist
    • Riya Roney, Resident Therapist
    • Dr. Amy Fuller, Clinical Director
  • Resources
    • Houston Sliding-Scale Therapy Agencies
    • Mental Health Resources
      • Depression
      • Anxiety
    • Local Houston Resources
      • Helpful Books
      • Personal Bill of Rights
    • Healing Practices
      • Benefits of Self-Compassion
      • Self-Care Practices
      • Self-Compassion
  • Blog
    • Blog Grid
    • Resilient Relationships
    • Befriending Anxiety
    • Dancing Through Depression
    • Growing Kids and Teens
    • Healing Practices
    • Healing Trauma and Loss
    • Living Free from Addiction
    • Managing Anger and Stress
    • Sex Therapy
    • Navigating Separation, Divorce and Blended Families
    • Mindful Eating
    • Practicing Faith
  • New Year New You Challenge
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