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Archive for lifestyle

Real Talk: Should you Talk with Your Partner about Porn?

Posted by Manet Castaneda on
 August 28, 2019
  · No Comments

Real Talk: Should You Talk with Your Partner about Porn?

One of the most challenging conversations you can have with your partner is about pornography. While some consider it adultery to watch porn, others consider it a normal part of sexuality. Regardless where you stand, talking with your partner about porn can open doors to strengthen and develop your relationship.

Here are a few things to keep in mind when talking about porn with your partner.

Know Yourself

First, know where you stand on the issue. If you are uncomfortable with this topic, consider asking yourself what is uncomfortable. Explore what feels uncomfortable, so you can have more insight into yourself. If you are not uncomfortable, consider what draws you toward the use of porn and why. Knowing your comfort level helps you be clear about your preferences as you discuss this with your partner.

Studies show that couples who are open to discussing their porn usage are more satisfied in their relationship than those who do not. Chances are you will have different things to say about the issue, so it is important to know where you stand first.

Invite a Conversation

Second, invite a conversation with your significant other. Once you know where you stand on the role of pornography, you can then seek to understand your partners position.  From this place you can discuss together if porn is something you would like to incorporate into your relationship or if it is something you definitely do not want to incorporate.

Knowing your boundaries helps with this, and can help guide your conversation with your partner. Remember your partner mayhave a different opinion than yours, so seek to ask and learn before making assumptions.

Remain Open

Keep in mind that your partner may or may not be open to having this conversation, so remain open to the possibility of your partner NOT wanting to talk about the topic. If your partner IS willing to sit down and discuss this topic with you, remain open to hearing what they have to say.

Remember this: talking about pornography in your relationship is better than the alternative of not talking about it. Many couples avoid the topic or make assumptions which can lead to misunderstanding, feelings of betrayal and hurt.  If you avoid difficult topics in your relationship, you also avoid growing in your relationship.

 

For more tips on having conversations about  pornography with your partner take a look at the following Articles:

  • Having the Talk about Pornography
  • How to Talk to Your Significant Other about Pornography
  • Challenging Conversations with Your Partner.

 

Categories : Addiction & Recovery, Boundaries, Communication, Counseling, Intimacy & Sex Therapy, Lifestyle, Marriage, Sexual Education
Tags : Addiction, boundaries, communications, counseling, intimacy, lifestyle, marriage, sexual education

How Often do you Care for Yourself?

Posted by Manet Castaneda on
 January 31, 2019
  · 1 Comment

Self-Care Sunday

The phrase self-care is becoming more and more popular. It is a phrase we hear all over social media or in conversations with friend, and it has even become its own hashtag, ex: #selfcaresunday on Instagram.  However, sometimes it is used more as an excuse to self-indulge and less as a practice of *self-compassion. So, what does actual self-care look like?

From a therapeutic stand point, it looks like taking care of yourself in multiple ways. It can look like eating well, exercising, practicing mindfulness or even engaging in spiritual practices. It can involve making space to spend time with loved ones. In addition to taking care of your physical and emotional health, it is equally important to attend to the mental aspect of self-care.The mental aspect of self-care is an area of ourselves that we can often neglected if we are not being intentional. How often do you take time to sit with yourself to see where your mind is and what is going on? Do you find yourself constantly trying to keep busy or distracted so you don’t have to think? If this at all sounds familiar, then you may want to keep reading to find some ways you can take time to care about yourself on the inside. 

What does your self-talk sound like?

It is important to make note of how your self-talk impacts your self-care. Consider the following, how kind are you being to yourself as you go about your daily routine? How easy or challenging is it for you to say compassionate things to yourself when you make mistakes? In the wise words for Ru Paul, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” Often times we do not want to take time to notice how damaging a lack of self-kindness can be to our mind. Consider the R.A.I.N. exercise which can be used as a way of exploring yourself and what you are feeling in a compassionate and non-judgmental way. Self-care is a choice that has to be made on a daily basis. In this life you will constantly face situations in which you will have to choose between being kind to yourself or negate yourself the opportunity to experience kindness in that moment. 

How do you take care of yourself through adversity?

Part of life includes dealing with the consequences of our choices. We also cannot avoid life’s random accidents which can  bring adversity. During these times, how do you deal with yourself and others? How do you respond? Do you engage in self-care or is that the first thing to go out of the window? In the Bible, the author of Colossians 3:12 invites the reader to consider clothing themselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Regardless of your spiritual beliefs, there is value in noting that the author is asking the audience to consider choosing to live in a compassionate way through all that life can bring.  

Life is all about how we chose to face it. So reader, I challenge you to choose to respond to yourself with  kindness and compassion on a daily basis, because you already know what the alternative is. If you find yourself at a place where you are already working on these issues, then I commend you for having the courage and strength to practice self-care. However, if you are at a place where you are uncertain about what steps to take, then perhaps consider visiting a counselor who can help you in your journey towards greater self-care.

* Self-Compassion: Recognizing your own pain, suffering or discomfort and then choosing to respond with kindness. 

Other resources to consider:

Self-Care for the Real World

The Practice of Resilience

Create & Grow Healthy

Manet Castaneda, Resident Therapist, Fuller Life LOOP and WEST

Manet Castaneda, LPC-InternResident Therapist

Supervised by Amy Fuller PhD, LPC-S, LMFT-S

To schedule an appointment please contact me by email at Manet@FullerLifeFamilyTherapy.org, by phone at (832) 981-7690, or through our webform. 

Categories : Cognitive Reframing, Counseling, Covid-19, Emotional Intelligence, Lifestyle, Mental Health, Mindfulness Practice, Self-Awareness, Self-Care Practices, Self-Esteem
Tags : cognitive reframing, emotional intelligence, emotions, lifestyle, mental health, self care, self-awareness, self-care practices, self-esteem
Person in silence and quiet

The Science of Quiet

Posted by Shani Bell on
 May 3, 2018
  · No Comments

The Method of Madness

Imagine the days before the internet, before television, even before radio. Imagine a time when the senses were not constantly inundated with competing sources of sound and imagery. That, my friend, is quiet. Our world is bombarded with all kinds of sensory information—music, video, talking, billboards, the noise of the city, laughter, alarms. But our brains need a break from even the most enjoyable stimuli. Studies indicate that even low levels of constant noise increase stress levels and impair our ability to function properly. A growing body of research also highlights the impact that too much visual input from sources like the internet has on problems like anxiety. It also disrupts our attention and learning ability.

Experiment with Quiet

Silence, however has been found to have a greater impact on relaxation than even listening to relaxing music.  Authors, artists, and many great thinkers have used the discipline of quiet time to develop ideas. Quiet time has actually been found to improve brain circulation and help grow new brain cells. Similarly, decreasing visual “noise” contributes to greater concentration

Finding quiet might seem impossible in a society where the advancement of sales, popularity and political agendas seems hinged on how much information can be pumped into our systems. But there are tools to help give your brain a break.

  1. Plan and prioritize. Put quiet time in your schedule. Prioritize it as an appointment and do not allow others to intrude upon it. Would you brush off a doctor’s appointment to have a last-minute lunch date? Then try giving your personal time the same importance. It’s for your own good.
  2. Do it naturally. Sometimes removing yourself from your typical environment surrounded by modern technology is your best bet. Reconnect with the outdoors. Head to a park or spend a little time in the backyard. Sit and focus on one leaf or close your eyes and listen to the simple sound around you.
  3. Do it spiritually. Your quiet time is your sacred space. You can view as a time to just listen inwardly, contemplate and reconnect spiritually. Find that higher focus to help you stay in tune.
  4. Take what you can get. Locate the unused moments in your life where you could be quiet. Use your ride to and from work to disconnect from the noise. Find an unoccupied space at work and sit for 5 minutes with your eyes closed. The little moments can add up.

Healthy Results

Getting the quiet that your brain craves is more about a change in perspective. Modern society can make you feel that every free moment must be occupied with getting or disseminating information. We think we will fall behind or miss the next important thing if we do not constantly stay connected.

Sometimes we can grow so used to the noise around us that we no longer realize what we are constantly taking in. Begin by changing your mind about the importance of quiet. Then shhhhhh….

 

Contributed by  Shani Bell, MAAT, LPC-Intern

Supervised by Dr. Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S, LPC-S

 

 

Categories : Anxiety & Panic, Anxiety Issues, Counseling, Lifestyle, Mental Health, Mindfulness Practice, Self-Awareness, Self-Care Practices, Sticky, Stress Management, Time Management
Tags : anxiety and panic, anxiety issues, counseling, lifestyle, mental health, mindfulness practice, self-care practices, stress management, time management

The Value of Your Values

Posted by Shani Bell on
 March 4, 2017
  · No Comments

Values?

Let’s start with what it means to have values. Values are the direction in which we live our lives. Clinician, Steve Hayes, calls values “intentional qualities of action that join together a string of moments into a meaningful path. When Hayes talks of values, he’s referring to qualities like education, compassion, charity, creativity, etc.

Values are not Goals

Unlike goals, values are not specific achievable activities. They are more like the concepts in life that we find to be important. For example, you might have a goal of becoming a social worker. Yet, that achievable goal comes from your value of helping others.

Another important difference is that values can be lived daily. If you think it is important to help others, you don’t have to wait until you achieve your goal of becoming a social worker to do it. You can help an elderly lady cross the street or mow your neighbor’s lawn. You can find something to do every day that fulfills your values

Finding Values

We begin developing our sense of values when we enter the world. Our families and the way that we were raised heavily influence what we consider important. People often find that they have a moral code that is similar to that of their The same may be true of our spiritual beliefs. We do not always just absorb the values of our family. We filter them through our experiences, which can alter our values from those of our family. Say your mom put pressure on you to perform well in athletics because she valued achievement. You may adopt that same value or you may want to avoid pressuring your children by encouraging more curiosity and fun instead.

Many people also develop values that were absent in their childhood. For example, a man who grew up in poverty may be likely to value financial security. A woman who grew up in a foster care home may deeply value family connection.

Your Daily Values

Sometimes we do so without realizing it. We might think that acting towards our values only leads to the enjoyment of life. But look more deeply. While moving towards your values can often lead to enjoyment, you might also find challenges as well. Moving towards the value of health and fitness comes with the pain of aching muscles after a workout. Moving towards the value of sobriety comes with the pain of withdrawal and resisting urges. Values don’t always feel good.

In the same way, moving away from values also causes pain, but in a different sense. While moving towards your values comes with the pain of change, there’s usually a sense of fulfillment at having done something that is important to you. But the pain of moving away from your values tends to cause disenchantment and a lack of fulfillment. In fact, both the states of disenchantment and fulfillment are actually cues you can use to begin exploring and identifying what you value. Clearly identifying your values is an important step to living them – on purpose – every day.

Curious about what you value? Try completing one of these exercises.

 

Contributed by

Shani Bell, MAAT, LPC-Intern

Supervised by Dr. Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S, LPC-S

Categories : Lifestyle, Mental Health, Self-Awareness, Sticky
Tags : lifestyle, mental health, self-awareness
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Fuller Life Family Therapy Institute
  • Home
    • Our Story
    • Our Core Values
    • Partner with Us
    • Our Training
    • Donate
  • Info
    • Our Locations
    • New Client Forms
    • Therapy Fees
    • Information for New clients
    • Secure Inquiry Form
    • Initial Session Form
    • Telemental Health Consent Form
  • Services
    • Individual Counseling
    • Couples Counseling
    • Family Counseling
    • Counseling Kids
    • Counseling with Teens
    • Speaking Engagements
  • Team
    • Harold Gibson, Student Therapist
    • Lindsay Perry, Resident Therapist, Loop
    • Stephanie Jordan, Resident Therapist, Loop
    • Chantail Green, Resident Therapist
    • Dormetra Henry, Resident Therapist
    • Riya Roney, Resident Therapist
    • Dr. Amy Fuller, Clinical Director
  • Resources
    • Houston Sliding-Scale Therapy Agencies
    • Mental Health Resources
      • Depression
      • Anxiety
    • Local Houston Resources
      • Helpful Books
      • Personal Bill of Rights
    • Healing Practices
      • Benefits of Self-Compassion
      • Self-Care Practices
      • Self-Compassion
  • Blog
    • Blog Grid
    • Resilient Relationships
    • Befriending Anxiety
    • Dancing Through Depression
    • Growing Kids and Teens
    • Healing Practices
    • Healing Trauma and Loss
    • Living Free from Addiction
    • Managing Anger and Stress
    • Sex Therapy
    • Navigating Separation, Divorce and Blended Families
    • Mindful Eating
    • Practicing Faith
  • New Year New You Challenge
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