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Author Archive for Shani Bell

Create & Grow Healthy

Posted by Shani Bell on
 November 20, 2018
  · No Comments

Bruce Moon, Art Therapist and educator, describes art therapy as “an effort to detect or discover the meaning of life by exploring the soul of what we invent in our creative work”. I recently had the honor of exploring this use of creativity with fellow clinician, Jennifer Christian. Maybe you’ve only thought of creating art as an enjoyable past-time. If you allow it, art can actually be used as a tool for personal discovery. Listen in to learn more about how making your own artwork can improve the way you live and move through challenges:

How Art Improves Self-Care

Contributed by  Shani Bell, MAAT, LPC, ATR

 

 

Categories : Counseling, Mental Health, Mindfulness Practice, Self-Awareness, Self-Care Practices, Spirituality, Sticky, Stress Management
Tags : counseling, mental health, mindfulness practice, self-awareness, self-care practices, spirituality, stress management
Person in silence and quiet

The Science of Quiet

Posted by Shani Bell on
 May 3, 2018
  · No Comments

The Method of Madness

Imagine the days before the internet, before television, even before radio. Imagine a time when the senses were not constantly inundated with competing sources of sound and imagery. That, my friend, is quiet. Our world is bombarded with all kinds of sensory information—music, video, talking, billboards, the noise of the city, laughter, alarms. But our brains need a break from even the most enjoyable stimuli. Studies indicate that even low levels of constant noise increase stress levels and impair our ability to function properly. A growing body of research also highlights the impact that too much visual input from sources like the internet has on problems like anxiety. It also disrupts our attention and learning ability.

Experiment with Quiet

Silence, however has been found to have a greater impact on relaxation than even listening to relaxing music.  Authors, artists, and many great thinkers have used the discipline of quiet time to develop ideas. Quiet time has actually been found to improve brain circulation and help grow new brain cells. Similarly, decreasing visual “noise” contributes to greater concentration

Finding quiet might seem impossible in a society where the advancement of sales, popularity and political agendas seems hinged on how much information can be pumped into our systems. But there are tools to help give your brain a break.

  1. Plan and prioritize. Put quiet time in your schedule. Prioritize it as an appointment and do not allow others to intrude upon it. Would you brush off a doctor’s appointment to have a last-minute lunch date? Then try giving your personal time the same importance. It’s for your own good.
  2. Do it naturally. Sometimes removing yourself from your typical environment surrounded by modern technology is your best bet. Reconnect with the outdoors. Head to a park or spend a little time in the backyard. Sit and focus on one leaf or close your eyes and listen to the simple sound around you.
  3. Do it spiritually. Your quiet time is your sacred space. You can view as a time to just listen inwardly, contemplate and reconnect spiritually. Find that higher focus to help you stay in tune.
  4. Take what you can get. Locate the unused moments in your life where you could be quiet. Use your ride to and from work to disconnect from the noise. Find an unoccupied space at work and sit for 5 minutes with your eyes closed. The little moments can add up.

Healthy Results

Getting the quiet that your brain craves is more about a change in perspective. Modern society can make you feel that every free moment must be occupied with getting or disseminating information. We think we will fall behind or miss the next important thing if we do not constantly stay connected.

Sometimes we can grow so used to the noise around us that we no longer realize what we are constantly taking in. Begin by changing your mind about the importance of quiet. Then shhhhhh….

 

Contributed by  Shani Bell, MAAT, LPC-Intern

Supervised by Dr. Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S, LPC-S

 

 

Categories : Anxiety & Panic, Anxiety Issues, Counseling, Lifestyle, Mental Health, Mindfulness Practice, Self-Awareness, Self-Care Practices, Sticky, Stress Management, Time Management
Tags : anxiety and panic, anxiety issues, counseling, lifestyle, mental health, mindfulness practice, self-care practices, stress management, time management

Good Anger: A Fire Contained

Posted by Shani Bell on
 February 11, 2018
  · No Comments

HULK SMASH! Is this the way you think about anger? Is it a destructive, chaotic force that wreaks havoc in your life? Many times, anger can feel that way, whether you are the giver or recipient of angry reactions and behaviors. As we discussed in the previous article, Covered in Red: How the Brain Uses Anger to Hide Your Pain, anger can be a defensive response to many more vulnerable emotions. In your anger’s effort to hide your soft spots, you might find yourself being hurtful to others around you or even yourself. But the word “anger” doesn’t always need to put you on the defense. There are healthier expressions of this emotion that can give you positive results.

 

Burn for a Cause

Have you ever heard the expression, righteous anger? This is the kind that people reference that generates healthy and positive action. Think of the Civil Rights Movement or the self-explanatory group, M.A.D.D. (Mothers Against Drunk Driving). In both of these circumstances, outrage and disapproval over some injustice or harmful aspect of society sparked actions which led to positive change. Psychology professor, Lisa Najavits, labels this type of anger constructive anger. She describes constructive anger as the healing type that is solution-oriented, is in proportion to the offense, invites curious self-examination and seeks respect for everyone involved. You can use the discomfort and energy of your fury as motivation to actively create harmony and balance. This kind of anger can prompt you do things like set up healthy boundaries, break bad habits, protect yourself physically or take a stand for someone who is defenseless which can make the world, or even just your world, a better place.

 

Taming the Fire

So how do you invite constructive anger into your life instead of the destructive kind?

  1. Identify your anger and the reasons behind it. Think of your vexation as an indicator that a disruption has occurred in something you value deeply. This is the time to explore the passion behind your fire. For example, you notice a co-worker with a disability lacks proper accessibility at the office. Instead of stewing in your anger or setting the building ablaze, you could recognize that you value equality in the workplace and let that inform your actions.
  2. Refocus. Shift your focus away from your emotions towards the value you have just identified. Ask yourself solution-oriented questions about what needs to take place for that value to be met in a healthy way. For instance, you could start a workplace initiative to ensure accessibility for all disabled employees.
  3. Once you devise a personal plan or organize your movement, move forward. Use the anger to fuel your actions but not to lead them. Let what you value direct your steps instead.

Other Resources for Healthy Anger:

http://www.apa.org/monitor/mar03/whenanger.aspx

http://www.spring.org.uk/2012/03/the-upside-of-anger-6-psychological-benefits-of-getting-mad.php

https://www.guideposts.org/better-living/positive-living/emotional-and-mental-health/5-ways-anger-can-be-good-for-you

Categories : Anger Management, Mental Health, Problem Solving, Relationships, Self-Awareness, Sticky
Tags : anger management, mental health, Problem Solving, relationships, self-awareness
Anger

Covered in Red: How the Brain Uses Anger to Hide Pain

Posted by Shani Bell on
 November 7, 2017
  · 1 Comment

Thats it! You have had enough. Someone around you has done the very thing you hate. Almost immediately, you see red. Or maybe the anger  slowly brews and builds rage over a long period of time.

What is really happening underneath the anger? Some mental health professionals refer to anger as a secondary emotion. According to Dr. Harry Mills, anger is the emotion we are most aware we are experiencing. However, anger usually just hides the presence of deeper and less comfortable emotions like sadness, guilt, embarrassment, hurt, fear, etc.

The Anger Umbrella

If umbrellas are protective devices that we use to shield ourselves from exposure to the elements, then we can see anger in a similar way. Anger can seem like an exhibition of power, potentially making a threatening presence back away. It can be loud, volatile and tense. Clinical and forensic psychologist, Dr. Steven Diamond explains that this can be very useful in the face of a true threat. Suppose an attacker lunges at you and you have nowhere to go. Anger would propel you into defense mode much more than fear, possibly saving your life.

But what anger can also do is shield others and sometimes ourselves from seeing the pain, embarrassment or other more vulnerable emotions that exist underneath. If your friend or spouses actions have triggered hurt for you and you believe feeling hurt may show weakness, being mad is likely to step in to try to ensure that no one takes advantage.

Anger and the brain

Interestingly, the brain moves us very quickly from these primary emotions to anger. It can happen so fast that we hardly even notice the switch unless we are aware enough to do some reflective backtracking. Dr. Seltzer describes how the brain releases the hormone, norepinephrine, into the bloodstream to numb mental or physical pain during an mad response. Basically, the brain uses anger to hide pain.

The Truth Shall Make You Free

Why is it important to expose the truth behind your anger? Because dealing with the root issue is much more effective than simply managing the anger symptoms. Oftentimes, in sessions with clients, I find that anger dissolves once the actual emotions behind them are identified. I can visibly see anger give way to the revelation of sadness or embarrassment. Once the client is honest about his thoughts and feelings, he is better able to process and heal from the root issue. The next time you recognize yourself responding in anger, try working through the following steps:

  1. What thoughts are connected to the anger? Suppose you are angry with your partner about not spending time with you. You may be thinking, He doesnt want to spend time with me which may lead to the thought, He doesnt think Im worth spending time with.
  2. What other feelings come up? When you identify the thoughts connected with the anger, you can then work through the deeper emotions connected to the thoughts. Take a moment to sit with the thought. Maybe you can journal about it. For instance, if you say to yourself, My partner doesn’t think that Im worth spending time with. This may uncover feelings of sadness, hurt or low self-worth from beneath the irritation.
  3. What do I do with what I have? Now that the thoughts and emotions within the anger have been identified, it is time to work through them and decide how you can respond in a way you value. Having new information about how you are thinking and feeling might give rise to new issues that need to be addressed. In the example above, you realize your belief is your partner does not think you are worth spending time with and this is connected to feelings of hurt and low self-worth. This enables you to talk with your partner from a more self-aware position and potentially improves understanding. You could also talk to yourself about your beliefs. Take time to consider how you determine your self-worth and if it is healthy.

Living Life Uncovered

You might notice that developing a habit of hiding painful emotions leads to habitual rage. Such a lifestyle of anger destroys relationships and creates bitterness. Have the courage to allow yourself to own the truth of your experience. Otherwise, holding onto hostility can keep you stuck.

There is a time and a place for anger to be expressed in healthy ways. Stay tuned for the follow-up to this blog to find out what healthy anger looks like.

Additional Resources:

Using Anger Constructively – An Angry Bird Philosophy

Contributed by Shani Bell, MAAT, LPC-Intern

Supervised by Dr. Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S, LPC-S

 

 

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Categories : Anger Management, Communication, Emotional Intelligence, Self-Awareness, Sticky, Stress Management
Tags : anger management, anxiety, Communication, emotional intelligence, emotional regulation, self-awareness, stress management

Hidden Grief

Posted by Shani Bell on
 September 23, 2017
  · No Comments

Grief usually brings up memories of those we have lost. However, people grieve for many reasons.  Believing grief is only about mourning those who have died can leave a person feeling confused and lost when they witness related symptoms after the loss of other important parts of their lives.

People often mourn the loss of a marriage or other relationship, a job or business after retirement, functioning, a home after a disaster, a life plan that does not pan out the way you thought it would, or personal security after being violated to name a few. The loss of all of these can lead you through stages of grieving. But unlike the loss of a loved one, you may not expect to encounter grief in these areas. Being aware that grief does not just happen when you lose a person or a pet can help you to recognize it for what it is and address it in a healthy way.

How do we experience grief?

People respond to loss in different ways. Many have heard of the stages of grief which include anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance. These stages occur in different orders, with some occurring more than once during a single period of loss. And not all stages may be experienced. In addition, you might find that you are having physical symptoms like fatigue, changes in weight, headaches or upset stomach. Emotional and behavioral difficulties can often appear in the form of restlessness, drastic mood changes, crying spells, deep sadness, difficulty concentrating, confusion, fear, guilt, anger, and many other symptoms.

Pay attention to your mind and body if you are witnessing any of these symptoms. They might be telling you that grief is present.

How do we respond to grief?

Trying to convince yourself that you should not be grieving because no one has died is not helpful.  Having to deal with disenfranchised grief only makes the healing process more difficult. Minimizing the weight of your loss might come from your inner voice or external friends and family who may not understand the impact of your loss. Whether or not you initially think you should be grieving, you are still doing so.

A healthy dose of self-compassion is a great first step to managing your grieving process.  Through accepting and validating your loss to yourself and then giving yourself space to grieve, you open the door to properly deal with it.

For many, especially when they are enduring disenfranchised grief, it can be helpful to participate in a support group with people who are coping with similar life changes. Engaging with peers can help with validating and normalizing the pain of such loss. These groups may also help to provide tools for processing your loss. Individual counseling can be similarly beneficial, especially for people experiencing prolonged grief for greater than six months. It is especially important to take care of yourself and seek professional help.

If you are struggling with grief, check out some of these resources to start your healing journey:

https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/

http://bradhambrick.com/learning-to-grieve-losses-not-caused-by-death/

https://www.thegriefgirl.com/grief–grieving.html

 

Contributed by

Shani Bell, MAAT, LPC-Intern

Supervised by Dr. Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S, LPC-S

Categories : Counseling, Depression, Depression, Bipolar, Divorce, Grief, Mental Health, Post Partum Depression, Self-Awareness, Trauma and Loss
Tags : counseling, depression, divorce, grief, mental health, post partum depression, self-awareness, trauma and loss

Mess & Stress: The Science Behind Your Clutter

Posted by Shani Bell on
 July 6, 2017
  · 1 Comment

Look around you right now. Can you see the floor or is it covered in laundry? Are you reading this while sitting at a desk stacked high with clutter? So maybe you are not quite at hoarder status, but if you find yourself struggling to keep your external space organized, it might reflect a similar internal struggle.

Getting to the Bottom of the Pile

Some people are nurtured into a messy lifestyle. They grow up in families where a disorganized space is the norm. Others may find the busyness of life or personal circumstances leads to neglect in places like their home, workspace or vehicle. Maybe it feels like there is too much to do and too little time, so neatness is sacrificed for a higher priority. You may feel the whole process of keeping order overwhelming, tiring and pointless. Won’t it just get messy again anyway?

But there is a benefit to making order a priority in your life. Studies point out that a clean space can contribute to better cognition and better sleep. It is also physically safer and more life-efficient. Just as clutter in your physical space can signify clutter in your mental space, order around you can be a sign of an orderly mind. Living, and attempting to function, in messy spaces can also increase anxiety. And who needs extra anxiety??

What comes first – the mess or the stress?

Much like the age-old question about the chicken or the egg, identifying if your stress leads to mess or the other way around can be a challenge.  Those who struggle with anxiety, depression or other factors that contribute to a lack of motivation may also tend to struggle with keeping their spaces tidy. Though others may dismiss these people as just being lazy. In other words, your mess might not be the cause of anxiety or depression, but it might be a symptom of it.

Getting out of the Dumps

So, what do you do about the mess?

If you believe that your clutter problem might be due to an internal struggle, try addressing the root of the problem. This might mean some self-reflection, confronting a person or thing you have been avoiding or seeking the help of a mental health professional. Do what it takes to function at your best.

But whether the mess is the cause or symptom, anyone can benefit from clearing the clutter. If this task seems too daunting. Try the following tips:

  • Focus. Find one project to tackle and stick with it. Don’t allow yourself to try to achieve too many organization goals at once. Give yourself time-limited breaks for long tasks and get right back to it. Leave distractions like cellphones and computers in the other room.
  • Stash it away. Your brain is taking in everything it sees and it can be overwhelming. Neatly store items that you do not use often out of sight. Try organizing the items that you frequently use in easily accessible but less visible places.
  • Put it back. After you gain order, don’t make it hard on yourself. It may seem easier in the short-term to just throw that one item on the floor, but over time you will find yourself right back in the middle of a mess. Give “future you” a break and put it back where you found it. You’ll find that creating and maintaining order over time helps you breathe a little easier.

Want to know more?  Check out these related articles:

  • Collector, Minimalist or Hoarder: Whoever Dies With The Most Toys Wins
  • Create Balance: Living Well in the Midst of Anxiety

  • The Truth on Multitasking: What Will Doing it All at Once Do to You?

 

Contributed by

Shani Bell, MAAT, LPC-Intern

Supervised by Dr. Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S, LPC-S

Categories : Anxiety & Panic, Counseling, Depression, Mental Health, Self-Awareness, Sticky
Tags : anxiety, counseling, depression, mental health, self-awareness

Writing Your Destiny: Does the Story You Tell Yourself Help or Hurt You? 

Posted by Shani Bell on
 May 30, 2017
  · No Comments

If you were to pick a genre for the story of your life, what would it be? A romantic comedy? Action? Psychological Thriller? A horror?? The stories we tell ourselves about the lives we lead deeply impact the way we view ourselves and our outlook.

Rereading Your Story

Since our story matters so much it is helpful to really look at what our story is and put words to it. Just think about it for a moment. Take some time to write down the 5 most significant events of your life. Think about the story you tell yourself about these events.

  • Start with identifying the type of character you play. Are you the victim, the hero, the villain or some other character? How does viewing yourself in this manner affect the way you lead your life?
  • Now think about the events themselves. Out of all the experiences you have had, you chose a certain 5 to be the most significant. Is the road through these events what psychologist, Michael White, calls problem saturated?
  • How do these events change how you see the world?
  • What meaning are you giving these 5 experiences and how does this meaning direct how you see life in general?
  • What was the moral of the stories?  How has each event impacted your rules for life?

Have these events created a limited view of yourself?  Do they influence your poor decisions?  Have these memories created an unhealthy sense of your own identity?  If the answer to these questions is no, maybe you should take another look at the autobiography that you have written.

Find the Missing Pieces

One vital question that you can ask yourself when thinking about your perspective is “Am I omitting something important from my story?” Though you placed a high-level of importance on the meaning you have given these events, decide if there are other events or alternative interpretations that can tell you a different story about yourself. Challenge how you have allowed these stories to form your core beliefs. Often, people will generate beliefs from places like early life experiences, values from their family origin or intense turning points like tragedies. From that point on, they unconsciously sift through their experiences going forward looking only for the ones that confirm their existing beliefs. The problem is that there are so many fact missing from their limited point of view. They never see the full picture.

Don’t Ruin the Ending!

Omitted facts and narrow perspectives can have serious effects. Imagine a young high school honor student who gained a low SAT score. She always saw herself as intelligent with a passion for learning until that point. But after perceived failure, she then built a belief about herself that she is not smart enough to succeed.

She starts limiting herself by taking easier college courses that she believes she can pass, afraid to challenge herself. She graduates and gains a steady career. Her bosses see her potential, but she passes up promotions not believing in her skills and abilities. One day, she is reprimanded for missing an important deadline. “See! I knew it. I’m a failure”, she declares. Her mind is turned away from any evidence against this belief, like graduating college, establishing a career, or being offered promotions. All she sees is the same failure she identified with in high school. Does this story sound familiar? If so, you might need to turn the page on your thinking.

To live a full and meaningful life going forward, think about changing the meaning you have given the life you have already lived. Rewrite your story.

 

Contributed by

Shani Bell, MAAT, LPC-Intern

Supervised by Dr. Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S, LPC-S

 

Categories : Cognitive Reframing, Counseling, Mental Health, Self-Awareness, Self-Esteem, Sticky
Tags : acceptance, cognitive reframing, core beliefs, mental health, personal narrative, self-awareness, self-esteem

The Value of Your Values

Posted by Shani Bell on
 March 4, 2017
  · No Comments

Values?

Let’s start with what it means to have values. Values are the direction in which we live our lives. Clinician, Steve Hayes, calls values “intentional qualities of action that join together a string of moments into a meaningful path. When Hayes talks of values, he’s referring to qualities like education, compassion, charity, creativity, etc.

Values are not Goals

Unlike goals, values are not specific achievable activities. They are more like the concepts in life that we find to be important. For example, you might have a goal of becoming a social worker. Yet, that achievable goal comes from your value of helping others.

Another important difference is that values can be lived daily. If you think it is important to help others, you don’t have to wait until you achieve your goal of becoming a social worker to do it. You can help an elderly lady cross the street or mow your neighbor’s lawn. You can find something to do every day that fulfills your values

Finding Values

We begin developing our sense of values when we enter the world. Our families and the way that we were raised heavily influence what we consider important. People often find that they have a moral code that is similar to that of their The same may be true of our spiritual beliefs. We do not always just absorb the values of our family. We filter them through our experiences, which can alter our values from those of our family. Say your mom put pressure on you to perform well in athletics because she valued achievement. You may adopt that same value or you may want to avoid pressuring your children by encouraging more curiosity and fun instead.

Many people also develop values that were absent in their childhood. For example, a man who grew up in poverty may be likely to value financial security. A woman who grew up in a foster care home may deeply value family connection.

Your Daily Values

Sometimes we do so without realizing it. We might think that acting towards our values only leads to the enjoyment of life. But look more deeply. While moving towards your values can often lead to enjoyment, you might also find challenges as well. Moving towards the value of health and fitness comes with the pain of aching muscles after a workout. Moving towards the value of sobriety comes with the pain of withdrawal and resisting urges. Values don’t always feel good.

In the same way, moving away from values also causes pain, but in a different sense. While moving towards your values comes with the pain of change, there’s usually a sense of fulfillment at having done something that is important to you. But the pain of moving away from your values tends to cause disenchantment and a lack of fulfillment. In fact, both the states of disenchantment and fulfillment are actually cues you can use to begin exploring and identifying what you value. Clearly identifying your values is an important step to living them – on purpose – every day.

Curious about what you value? Try completing one of these exercises.

 

Contributed by

Shani Bell, MAAT, LPC-Intern

Supervised by Dr. Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S, LPC-S

Categories : Lifestyle, Mental Health, Self-Awareness, Sticky
Tags : lifestyle, mental health, self-awareness

The Secret Life of the Introvert

Posted by Shani Bell on
 January 12, 2017
  · No Comments

The Myth

Are you the life of the party? The center of attention wherever you go? Then, clearly you are an extrovert, right? Not necessarily. Traits like being outgoing, friendly and confident tend to be more closely associated with extroverts than with introverts based on public knowledge of these terms, but these are not the real tell-tale signs. If we take a closer look at the essence of an introvert, we might find some hidden introverts among the class of outgoing attention-getters.

 

The Science

According to researcher Jonathan Cheek, there are actually four different types of introverts. His STAR model includes social, thinking, anxious and restrained. The first type, social, more closely fits the common understanding of introvert. This describes someone who is not timid but avoids the crowd and would prefer to stay home alone than party with friends. The thinker is a type who is described as imaginative and introspective rather than nonsocial. Those who are considered the anxious type are, like the social type, more socially averse. Their dislike of the crowd is due more to fear than personal preference. Finally, the restrained type is simply slower to get moving. These introverts tend to take their time processing information, thinking deeply before responding to a situation. But that does not mean that once they get going, they shy away from a social situation.

Scott Barry Kaufmann, finds that there are thinkers and restrained types that still score highly for in enthusiasm and assertiveness, traits people usually associate with being extroverted. Kaufman even stated that the social- and anxious-introvert may have an inward aversion to crowds but still have a desire to be highly social that causes them to move past their apprehensions. You might actually know (or be) an introvert who pushes herself to be a social butterfly.

So the science shows that determining the introvert is not quite as simple as comparing wallflowers to superstars. People are typically on a spectrum somewhere between introversion and extroversion. And introversion, itself, is a mixture of factors, such as introspection and level of sensitivity to the environment, that go beyond sociability.

The Point

Who really cares? You may wonder what the importance is of understanding introversion as a trait. Self-awareness and understanding those in your circle are key to properly caring for your own needs and knowing how to interact positively with others. Comprehending the tendencies of an introvert can help you identify when to give yourself or others space to re-energize. Knowing that you or a loved one may operate differently can lead to a greater sense of acceptance that nurtures positive relationship, either with yourself or the introvert in your life.

The Test

Do you think you are an introvert? Take this short test to see if you are and where you fit: http://www.quietrev.com/the-introvert-test/

 

Contributed by

Shani Bell, MAAT, LPC-Intern

Supervised by Dr. Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S, LPC-S

 

Categories : Anxiety Issues, Emotional Intelligence, Mental Health, Self-Awareness, Social Skills, Sticky, The Human Brain
Tags : emotional intelligence, human brain, mental health, self-awareness, social skills
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