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Archive for Covid-19

Self-Care in the Time of Corona

Posted by Manet Castaneda on
 June 22, 2020
  · No Comments

Difficult Times

As our nation and world around us is surrounded by news of the COVID 19 epidemic, it can be very easy to neglect self-care due to the different struggles that can arise from this unique situation. It is not uncommon to experience feelings of anxiety, depression, loneliness, confusion, and even anger during this difficult time. Because of this, it is important to deal with these emotions in ways that are helpful and healing. Self- care is one way in which we can deal with difficult emotions and situations. Keep in mind that self-care is what we do (or stop doing) to take care of and improve our mental, physical and spiritual lives. Below are a few ways in which you can practice self-care during this particular situation that we are all facing as a community.

Practice Gratitude

Practicing gratitude has been found to have a positive impact on how our bodies and minds feel. When we practice gratitude, this stimulates oxytocin in our brains, and this helps relax the nervous system. There are two ways in which we can practice gratitude. The first is to practice gratitude for within, that is to say, being grateful for your life, body, breath, mind, strengths, etc. The second way we can practice gratitude is outwardly by being grateful for others, our pets, nature, resources, and other elements outside of us.

Seek Social Connections

During the quarantine, it can be difficult to maintain in touch with others, however it is still important to seek out those connections for support. Having a community or a tribe of people that you can count on can help reduce the feelings of loneliness and isolation. Some ways we can keep in touch during this time is via video phone calls, writing text messages, writing letters, or social media. With any relationship, it is important to be intentional about the type of communication you have, so find ways to be creative with your communication during the time of Corona.

Stay Active

Keeping an active lifestyle can keep improve your mood and boost your energy levels. During the quarantine it can be hard to find ways to exercise, so take some time to research various at home workouts that are available on the internet. Find ways to be creative with your workouts, try new forms of exercise that perhaps you have always been interested in. Make it a social activity by including your family members or roommates. Consider making a schedule that fits your daily activities so that you are more likely to stick with it.

Seek Help

Lastly, if you find yourself having a hard time with the isolation and the issues that have come up as a result of the quarantine, it is highly encouraged to seek professional help. Many organizations including our own (Fuller Life Family Therapy Institute) are offering telemental health services. If talking to someone about your struggles is something you are considering, now might be a good time.

Categories : Anxiety & Panic, Anxiety Issues, Covid-19, Depression, Gratitude, Lifestyle, Mental Health, Mindfulness Practice, Parenting, Relationships, Self-Care Practices, Stress Management
Tags : anxiety, depression, gratitude, physical well-being, self care

When Grief and Spirituality Intersect

Posted by 1-Stephanie Jordan on
 March 30, 2020
  · No Comments

In light of the recent global novel Coronavirus pandemic that spread and claimed the lives of hundreds of thousands of people in local communities, cities, states, and countries around the world, many individuals are experiencing grief in the midst of this calamity. Some have lost loved ones due to the virus, are unable to have or attend funerals for the deceased loved one, are personally suffering from or know someone suffering from the virus, are dealing with the psychological and emotional effects of “social (physical) distancing,” and are worried about meeting the most basic needs for their family’s survival and livelihood. These concerns, among others, have caused many to experience some form of personal grief, or an existential crisis in spirituality.

Death itself, whether untimely or anticipated, sometimes leaves unanswered questions. Dr. Mark Kellenman, author of the book, “God’s Healing For Life’s Losses” examines the complexities of life’s unanswered questions; in the midst of death and in the midst of human suffering. His book offers readers a perspective on grief, spirituality, and hope through the Divine Redeemer. Although the book is specifically written for individuals of Christian faith, the concepts and perspectives shared may be applicable to other religious faiths as well. This blog will share grief perspectives from the book on how to move from depression to hope on one’s grief journey.

Traditional Perspectives on Processing Grief

Many people are familiar with the five stages of grief model first introduced by psychiatrist Elizabeth Kübler-Ross. She speculated that an individual experiences denial (stage one), anger (stage two), bargaining (stage three), and depression (stage four), before coming to acceptance (stage five). The model suggested that grief occurs in a sequential process until they reach the final stage.

Dr. Kelleman, however, viewed the five stages of grief model as too one-dimensional. Noting that individuals tend to deal with their grief in separation from others which leads to feelings of spiritual abandonment, social betrayal, and feelings of shame and self-contempt. Dr. Kelleman believes this causes spiritual depression.

Spirituality Perspectives on Processing Grief

Dr. Kellenman’s grief model, which he describes as God’s Positioning System (GPS), explains grief as a multi-dimensional process, where individuals respond to grief by integrating spirituality into their grief process. The model introduces eight stages. Four stages address hurt and four stages address hope.

Four Stages of Hurt Four Stages of Hope
Candor: Practice honesty with myself. Waiting: Groaning with Hope.
Complaint: Honesty with God. Wailing: Trusting with Faith.
Cry: Ask God for help. Weaving: Perceiving with Grace.
Comfort: Receive God’s help. Worshiping: Engaging with Love.

The eight stages describe how grievers can suffer a loss and come face-to-face with God. The traditional grief responses, introduced by Kübler Ross, are not to be minimized. Dr. Kellenman encourages grievers to learn how to move from denial to personal honesty, from anger to honesty with God, from bargaining to asking God for help, and from depression to receiving God’s help.

Moreover, the four stages of hope describe how grievers can take God’s hand and journey forward in life (acceptance) while facing the realities of their loss. Dr. Kelleman, calls this “creative suffering.” That is, creative suffering converts the suffering that batters and causes depression, into hope that, The Redeemer can bring healing to hurting hearts.

Journeying in Hope: An Alternative Perspective

Dr. Kelleman, explains the journey of grief can be emotional, complicated, and messy. It comes with hills and valleys and good days and bad days. It is normal to feel hurt and it is necessary to grieve. Remember that taking the journey with God places one’s trust and faith in His good character and his good heart that better days will come. Likewise, contemplating suffering from a grace perspective nurtures alternative ways to view life’s losses where hope can flourish, and spiritual growth can mature.

Reference:

Kellemen, R. W. (2010). God’s healing for life’s losses: How to find hope when you’re hurting.  Winona Lake, IN: BMH Books.

Categories : Anxiety Issues, Counseling, Covid-19, Depression, Depression, Bipolar, Mental Health, Spirituality, Trauma and Loss, Unemployment
Tags : anxiety, death, depression, grief, Grief Models, healing, loss, mental health, spirituality, trauma and loss

The Recipe for a Resilient Family 

Posted by Tamara Tatum on
 November 23, 2019
  · No Comments

Every family experiences some form of hardship. Have you ever noticed how some families seem to bounce back, perhaps even using their trials for good; while others never quite seem to recover? What makes some families more resilient? 

Family resilience is the ability to “withstand and rebound from disruptive life challenges, strengthened and more resourceful” (Walsh, 2011). While it may seem that some families are ”born” with an inherent ability to withstand difficulty, the good news is than any family can grow their resilience  (Pogosayan, 2017).  

Dr. Froma Walsh is a family therapist and leading expert on family resilience. She has identified nine main ingredients for family resilience, divided into three categories: belief systems (what the family thinks and believes); organizational patterns (how the family acts and relates to one another), and communication patterns (how the family speaks and communicates). Any family can mix together these nine ingredients to make their own, unique family resilience “recipe.”  

Belief systems 

Resilient families… 

  1. Are able to make meaning of the adversity, perhaps by normalizing the hardship or viewing it as an opportunity for growth.  
  1. Have a hopeful and positive outlook. They seize opportunities and persevere.  
  1. Have a sense of purpose, larger values or some form of spirituality/faith to lean on. 

 

Organizational patterns 

Resilient families… 

  1. Are flexible and able to adapt to new circumstances while also maintaining some stability (rituals, routines, strong leadership). 
  1. Are connected and supportive of one another. They respect each other as individuals. 
  1. Have social and economic resources by mobilizing the support of kin, social and community networks. 

Communication patterns 

Resilient families… 

  1. Have clear communication. They seek and speak truth. 
  1. They are open with their emotions and willing to share a range of feelings without blaming or “lashing out”.  
  1. Are able to tap into their inner resourcefulness and collaborate to problem solve.  

At Fuller Life, we believe there is hope for all families to thrive after a hardship. We are here to walk alongside as you do.     Resources  Pogosayan, M. (2017). What Makes Families Resilient?https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-cultures/201710/what-makes-families-resilient  Walsh, F. (2011). Family resilience: a collaborative approach in response to stressful life challenges. Resilience and mental health: Challenges across the lifespan, 149-161.     

 

Contributed by

Tamara Tatum, LMFT-Associate

Tamara Tatum, Resident Therapist

Supervised by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S

Categories : Communication, Covid-19, Family Therapy, Parenting, Problem Solving, Relationships, Sticky
Tags : Communication, families, resilience

What to know about teletherapy

Posted by 1-Elisa Squier on
 August 2, 2019
  · No Comments

In this age of ever-growing uses of technology, many medical groups are adding telehealth into their practices. Doctors have started incorporating online visits, such as video appointments to help reach more patients. This can be especially useful for those who may be too ill to make it into the office, or too busy to set up an office visit for a simple cold. Medical doctors are not the only ones using technology in this way. Therapists are also making teletherapy available to those who need the convenience. Online therapy is still fairly new, and many people may not know just how it works.

What is Teletherapy?

Teletherapy is therapy that takes place using an online video platform,  a telephone, or even text or email messages. Teletherapy is a practice that has become more popular as technology advances, creating easier access to mental health care. This can be a great resource, especially for those who live in more remote areas, but teletherapy may not be best suited for everyone.

Consider Confidentiality

While traditional therapy requires you to drive to a therapist’s office, teletherapy provides a convenience of being able to meet wherever you’d like. However, this can also create some issues regarding confidentiality. A therapist’s office is a confidential meeting space in which the client can know that no one is listening in on their sensitive conversations. For teletherapy services, the therapist ensures that she is in a confidential location, such as her own office, but it is up to the client to ensure his own confidentiality, since he is not in the therapist’s physical space.

Tips for creating a confidential space:

1. Designate a room to be alone in during the time of a session

2. Use headphones to limit voices carrying

3. Limit or restrict visitors during session times

Limitations of Teletherapy

While there are benefits to teletherapy, there are some limitations. Certain presenting concerns are better served by in-office settings due to the higher levels of emotional stress. Those situations include high levels of suicidal thoughts or domestic violence. A therapist can more easily provide crisis help in person than remotely.

Get to Know Your Therapist

This is a good practice for any kind of therapy a person might do, whether in an office setting or online. Many therapists have specialty areas or certain ages they work with. If you can, look at a therapist’s profile or a practice’s website to learn more about who they work with and their preferred therapy style.

FAQs

1. What do I do during a visit?

An online session should be treated just like an in-office visit. Though you may be in a more familiar setting, such as your bedroom or living room, therapy is still a place to examine yourself and process thoughts and events. During online sessions limit things that might distract you or divide your attention, such as browsing the internet or checking your phone.

2. Does my therapist have to be in my same state?

Yes. A therapist is licensed to practice in a specific state and therefore must only work with clients who reside in that same state.

3. Do all therapists offer teletherapy?

No. Some therapists prefer to use only traditional forms of in-office therapy.

How to Get Started

Fuller Life now offers online therapy services with our resident therapist, Elisa Squier. You can read more about her and her therapy practices here. She is currently accepting new clients. Contact her to ask any questions or set up your initial session.

More information can be learned about our Telemental Health practices through our Telemental Health Informed Consent and Agreement.

References

AMFTRB Teletherapy Guidelines

Advantages and disadvantages of online therapy by Kendra Cherry

Contributed by Elisa Squier, M.MFT, LMFT Associate

Clinical Supervision by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S, LPC-S

Categories : Counseling, Covid-19
Tags : online therapy, telehealth, teletherapy

What’s the Weather Like Inside You? Mindfulness for Kids and Adults Alike

Posted by Tamara Tatum on
 February 23, 2019
  · 1 Comment

At times our feelings can feel so jumbled and all over the place that it is hard to put words to all that is going on inside of us.  

In these uncomfortable times, it can be easy to adopt unhealthy means of dealing with our emotions such as trying to fight against them, getting swept up in them and overidentifying with them. Learning to understand and accept our interior world is an important skill to cope with the many waves of moods that will come our way throughout life.  

Understanding the inner world can be even more difficult for kids and teens who lack an adult vocabulary and understanding of emotion. However, there are many ways to help your children become aware of their internal states.  

One such example is called the “Personal Weather Report” (taken from Eline Snell’s book “Sitting Still Like a Frog”). This practice can be used for ages 4 and up. You can practice this alone, with one of your children who may be going through a particularly tough time, or together as a family.  

Sit down comfortably somewhere, close or half close your eyes, and take some time to determine how you are feeling right now. What is the weather like inside you? Do you feel relaxed and sunny inside? Or does it feel rainy or overcast? Is there a storm raging, perhaps? What do you notice? 

Without really thinking about it too much, summon the weather report that best describes your feelings at the moment. Once you know how you are doing right now, just let it be… just as it is…; there is no need to feel or do anything differently. You cannot change the weather outside either, can you? 

Stay close to this feeling for a while.  

Direct your friendly and curious attention to the clouds, the clear sky, or the storm that is brewing…this is how it is right now…; like the weather, you simply cannot change a mood. Later today the weather will be completely different again…, but right now this is how things are. And that is absolutely fine. Moods change. They blow over. There is no need to take any action. What a relief. 

For something to listen to, here is a link to a downloadable audio internal weather report guided meditation for children and teens aged 7 and up by Smiling Mind.  

For older teens and adults, you can add depth and layers of understanding to the internal world through the use of art – visualizing and creating landscapes and weather. Here are some steps adapted from the exercise “Landscapes of Emotion” by Cohen, Barnes and Rankin: 

  1. Gather two sheets of paper and your preferred utensils (colored pencis, paints, pastels, etc.) 
  2. Imagine what type of outdoor landscape might represent your current emotional state. Are there mountains, hills, valleys, lakes trees, rocks, etc.? 
  3. Next imagine the climate or weather conditions in your landscape that corresponds to your current emotional state. Is the weather cold, cool, warm, sunny, overcast, etc? 
  4. Now, draw your imagined landscape and climate on the first sheet of paper.  

After your drawing, reflect on the following questions… 

  1. How would a person feel if he or she were standing in the different areas of your landscape? 
  2. What would this person do in your landscape – seek shelter, relax, run away? 
  3. List the features in your landscape and try to match each one to one or more feelings.  

Now imagine changing the first landscape you created (i.e. new features, rearrangement, change in climate). Draw the changed landscape using the second set of papers.  

  1. Repeat the reflection question in step 5 with the new landscape.  
  2. What differences or similarities do you notice in the two landscapes? Would you prefer one over the other? 

This exercise can especially helpful for those who have experienced some form of trauma and are ready to move past the initial trauma coping mechanism of numbing or suppressing feelings to begin reconnecting with emotion. If you think this may apply to you, you may want to use and process this exercise in conjunction with professional therapy or counseling.  

We hope these tips help you ride the waves of emotion with mindful acceptance! 

References 

Snell, E. (2013). Sitting Still Like a Frog.  

Cohen, Barnes and Rankin. (1995). Managing Traumatic Stress Through Art.  

https://smilingmind.podbean.com/e/6-my-internal-weather-7-11-years/

Contributed by

Tamara Tatum, LMFT-Associate

Tamara Tatum, Resident Therapist

Supervised by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S

Categories : Counseling, Covid-19
Tags : children, mindfulness, teens

How Often do you Care for Yourself?

Posted by Manet Castaneda on
 January 31, 2019
  · 1 Comment

Self-Care Sunday

The phrase self-care is becoming more and more popular. It is a phrase we hear all over social media or in conversations with friend, and it has even become its own hashtag, ex: #selfcaresunday on Instagram.  However, sometimes it is used more as an excuse to self-indulge and less as a practice of *self-compassion. So, what does actual self-care look like?

From a therapeutic stand point, it looks like taking care of yourself in multiple ways. It can look like eating well, exercising, practicing mindfulness or even engaging in spiritual practices. It can involve making space to spend time with loved ones. In addition to taking care of your physical and emotional health, it is equally important to attend to the mental aspect of self-care.The mental aspect of self-care is an area of ourselves that we can often neglected if we are not being intentional. How often do you take time to sit with yourself to see where your mind is and what is going on? Do you find yourself constantly trying to keep busy or distracted so you don’t have to think? If this at all sounds familiar, then you may want to keep reading to find some ways you can take time to care about yourself on the inside. 

What does your self-talk sound like?

It is important to make note of how your self-talk impacts your self-care. Consider the following, how kind are you being to yourself as you go about your daily routine? How easy or challenging is it for you to say compassionate things to yourself when you make mistakes? In the wise words for Ru Paul, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” Often times we do not want to take time to notice how damaging a lack of self-kindness can be to our mind. Consider the R.A.I.N. exercise which can be used as a way of exploring yourself and what you are feeling in a compassionate and non-judgmental way. Self-care is a choice that has to be made on a daily basis. In this life you will constantly face situations in which you will have to choose between being kind to yourself or negate yourself the opportunity to experience kindness in that moment. 

How do you take care of yourself through adversity?

Part of life includes dealing with the consequences of our choices. We also cannot avoid life’s random accidents which can  bring adversity. During these times, how do you deal with yourself and others? How do you respond? Do you engage in self-care or is that the first thing to go out of the window? In the Bible, the author of Colossians 3:12 invites the reader to consider clothing themselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Regardless of your spiritual beliefs, there is value in noting that the author is asking the audience to consider choosing to live in a compassionate way through all that life can bring.  

Life is all about how we chose to face it. So reader, I challenge you to choose to respond to yourself with  kindness and compassion on a daily basis, because you already know what the alternative is. If you find yourself at a place where you are already working on these issues, then I commend you for having the courage and strength to practice self-care. However, if you are at a place where you are uncertain about what steps to take, then perhaps consider visiting a counselor who can help you in your journey towards greater self-care.

* Self-Compassion: Recognizing your own pain, suffering or discomfort and then choosing to respond with kindness. 

Other resources to consider:

Self-Care for the Real World

The Practice of Resilience

Create & Grow Healthy

Manet Castaneda, Resident Therapist, Fuller Life LOOP and WEST

Manet Castaneda, LPC-InternResident Therapist

Supervised by Amy Fuller PhD, LPC-S, LMFT-S

To schedule an appointment please contact me by email at Manet@FullerLifeFamilyTherapy.org, by phone at (832) 981-7690, or through our webform. 

Categories : Cognitive Reframing, Counseling, Covid-19, Emotional Intelligence, Lifestyle, Mental Health, Mindfulness Practice, Self-Awareness, Self-Care Practices, Self-Esteem
Tags : cognitive reframing, emotional intelligence, emotions, lifestyle, mental health, self care, self-awareness, self-care practices, self-esteem

When Caring Hurts: Preventing Caregiver Burnout

Posted by FullerLife on
 August 1, 2017
  · No Comments

You are dependable and loyal. You take family seriously and honor those around you who are unable to care for themselves. So you have found yourself in the position of caring for an elderly parent grandparent or chronically ill or disabled loved one who requires constant care. Sometimes it feels like it is just too much for one person to bear. You may feel that no one else is there to carry the burden but you. However, not reaching out for help can lead to harmful results. 

The Numbers Don’t Lie 

The United States is home to over 44 million unpaid caregivers. The numbers will continue to grow as the population of baby boomers continues to age. The prevalence of spectrum disorders, like autism, has increased in America by 30 percent in recent years. Many disorders can limit the ability of people to function independently. These situations may create a need for family members to step up when care facilities seem like an unwanted or unfeasible option. But what effect does the caregiving lifestyle have on the caregiver? 

Signs of Trouble 

Fatigue and sleep deprivation when caring for a loved one are common. Fatigue can make a caregiver more vulnerable to physical, emotional or mental illnesses themselves. This can be due to a combination of physical obligations of providing care around the clock to the worry and stress that can accompany the responsibility of maintaining someone else’s welfare. Oftentimes, caregivers are not only responsible for the elderly parent or disabled family relative. They are parents, husbands and wives as well, further adding to their load.  

You may notice that you, or the caregiver in your life, has become increasingly irritable, anxious or angry lately. A prolonged state of fatigue and stress puts caregivers at risk for diabetes, addictions, increased sensitivity to pain and infections. If you see signs of depression, such as feelings of hopelessness or helplessness, loss of interest in other activities, social withdrawal, find help. That is a clear sign that it is time for intervention.  

In difficult circumstances, some caretakers may appear disoriented, erratic and/or highly emotional. Let extreme changes in mood, behaviors or routine be a signal to you that something is wrong. 

Caring for the Caregiver 

If any of this sounds familiar, please take the necessary steps. As a caregiver, know that reaching out for help and taking care of yourself are just as important to your role as a caregiver as the caregiving itself. If you know someone who is responsible for a loved one’s wellbeing and is exhibiting signs of burnout, lend a helping hand. Here are some steps that you can take: 

  • Self-assess. Take a moment to do personal inventory. If your energy levels have been low and your patience thin, admit it to yourself. That is the only way to begin the process of improving your situation. 
  • Take a break. If you do not have to, don’t go it alone. Ask friends or family members to stay over a couple nights a week so that you can get a full night’s rest. See if they can watch your loved for a couple of hours during the day while you take some personal time. If there is no one available, take advantage of some of the caregiver resources (found below) that can assist you. 
  • Be mindful. Include a mindfulness, mediation or prayer practice in your day. This serves to increase your self-awareness and promotes relaxation while you are awake. Fifteen minutes can make a world of difference. 
  • Find support. As a caregiver, you might be too busy to know that there is help available to you, even if you feel like you are all alone. Please check out the following resources:  
    • AARP CareConnection
    • National Alliance for Caregiving

Want to see if you or someone you love is battling caregiver burnout, take this short quiz: 

https://www.caring.com/articles/caregiver-burnout-quiz 

 

Contributed by

Shani Bell, MAAT, LPC-Intern

Supervised by Dr. Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S, LPC-S

 

Categories : Anxiety & Panic, Counseling, Covid-19, Depression, Emotions and Relationships, Mental Health, Self-Awareness, Self-Care Practices, Stress Management, transitions
Tags : anxiety & panic, counseling, depression, emotions and relationships, mental health, self-awareness, self-care practices, stress management, Transitions

The Practice of Resilience

Posted by Angela Blocker on
 May 8, 2017

Everyone reaches a point when moving forward seems impossible. You feel you’ve given your best in your marriage, with your family and in your friendships. You’re are working harder and harder but none of your hard work seems to be paying off. You seem to fail repeatedly. What happens after you’ve tried and failed again and again?

Often, we feel hopeless.

In the 1960’s, researchers studied the learning process by conducting experiments measuring in response to rewards or punishments. This form of learning was called classical conditioning. Originally It was researched by physiologist Ivan Pavlov in his pioneering study who taught dogs to salivate at the ringing of a bell. The work of the 1960’s expanded upon the classical conditioning learning approach by investigating the role of motivation.

Dr. Martin Seligman, known as the father of Positive Psychology, and his colleagues conducted a similar experiment with dogs testing motivation. The dogs would hear a bell followed a light shock administered to the dog. In time, the dogs learned to respond to the shock when the bell sounded. Seligman and his fellow researches did not expect what happened next.

All the dogs were then placed in large crates with a low fence in between. One side of the fence had an electrified floor. Researches gave a light shock when the dogs were on the electrified side but to their surprise, the dogs did not jump to the non-shocking side of the fence. Instead, they laid down. The dogs learned from the first part of the experiment that they were powerless to avoid the shocks. A new set of dogs that had not experienced the shock jumped right over the fence.

This condition was described as “learned helplessness.” This is a state where someone does not attempt to escape a negative situation because the past traumas or persistent failure has taught them powerlessness.

In any situation where they have repeatedly tried and failed, people can develop learned helplessness.

But it can be unlearned.

Dr. Seligman wrote an article on how to become resilient. He offered these suggestions:

1. Increase mental toughness

Notice and dispute unrealistic beliefs. Often, our thoughts about the consequences or outcome have a greater impact than the consequences or outcomes themselves.

Dr. Seligman incorporates the ABCD model to explain:

C=emotional (C)onsequences (“I’m unloveable”) stem not directly from A = (A)dversity (Ex: crisis in relationship) but from B=one’s (B)eliefs about adversity (Ex:“’This is the end of the world for me”). The trick here is to (D)ispute unrealistic beliefs about adversity. (Ex: Is it really the end of the world?).

This ABCD approach was modeled from Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy Albert Ellis’ and is a way to create new possibilities by viewing setbacks in new ways.

2. Play to your strengths

Dr. Seligman oversaw the development of a test highlighting the core characteristics and best qualities of a person. Identify your strengths. Consider your top strengths and how each as allowed you to accomplish your previous goals. Take time to evaluate which strengths do not come as naturally to you and put effort into developing them. Write a narrative about how your strengths have served you in challenging situations.

3. Give yourself a real compliment.

Dr. Seligman said to be specific in your compliments. This idea comes from Carol Dweck, author of MindSet and next generation researcher of learned helplessness. Dweck believes most basic abilities can be developed through dedication, hard work and accurate praise. When you work hard, instead of telling yourself, “Good job. I’m awesome!” Be specific. Say, “Today I did a really good job at maintaining eye contact.” Or “I have been trying really hard the last few weeks to be attentive in my marriage by doing the dishes the way my wife likes.” “I have been training every day for a week even when I didn’t want to. I’m proud of myself for that.” When you’ve been working hard, reward yourself by stating it so it encourages you to continue in the future.

Resilience isn’t easy, but like any skill is learned. Take time to look at a situation differently, work your strengths as you move through it and acknowledge your hard work. Fuller Life helps people strengthen and motivate themselves towards long-term resilience.

Contributed by Angela Blocker , M.A, LMFT Associate

Clinical Supervision by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT, LPC

Categories : Cognitive Reframing, Counseling, Covid-19, Emotional Intelligence, Lifestyle, Mental Health, Self-Awareness, Self-Care Practices, Social Skills, Stress Management
Tags : depression, resilience

The Waiting Game: How To Play It Well

Posted by Tamara Tatum on
 November 10, 2016
  · 1 Comment

Waiting isn’t fun. Longing for an opportunity to arise or a difficult season to pass can be excruciating. With quick fixes, fast response times, and efficiency so highly prized in our society, little room is left to develop the skills to patiently endure. Waiting is a part of life – a given.  Yet, hitting an unexpected roadblock in our plan for life, or even our plan for the day, seems to catch us off guard and cause us to revert to our two-year-old selves demanding, “I want what I want and I want it NOW!”

What is it about waiting that feels so agonizing? Dr. Kate Sweeny, psychology professor and researcher at University of California Riverside, suggests that the most painful part of waiting is learning how to hold uncertainty. We’d much rather hear, “Sorry, but we’ve selected another candidate” from a potential employer or receive a clear diagnosis from a medical test than to hang in the balance. In fact, Sweeny’s research has shown that while anxiety and rumination are high during waiting periods, levels of anxiety surprisingly decrease even after being hit with bad news.

So, now that we know that waiting is both hard and a part of life, how do we survive it without pulling out all our hair, turning into a two-year-old child or giving up?

Here are four tips on how to wait well…

1. Give meaning to the wait

People are “meaning makers.” We, consciously or not, tend to try to make sense of our environments, events, and lives. How do you make sense of your waiting? You might say to yourself, “I’m holding on now because I believe something positive can come out of any result.” Or, “This wait is producing in me the good qualities of strength, patience, compassion for others.”  Cultivating a long-term or overarching vision for your life can help you put this season into perspective

2. Try new things or revisit old ones

Have you ever wanted to start get into a new exercise routine, learn to bake bread, become a better writer? Well, now’s your chance! Setting micro-goals can bring creativity and fresh energy into a season that may otherwise seem very dry.

3. Brace for the worst

Now, we’ve all heard about the benefits to having a positive outlook on life and no one wants to be a Debbie Downer, but Sweeny reports that being overly optimistic during a waiting season could be risky. Considering the worst-case scenario can help to manage your expectations, prepare you for potential disappointment and even increase elation if the best possible outcome occurs. If you prepare for the worst, at least you won’t be blindsided. In fact, you may even be pleasantly surprised!

4. Let it out

While waiting, it is easy to feel alone, as if everyone else has everything going well for them and you are the only one trapped in limbo. This assumption of aloneness can keep us from reaching out to others or even acknowledging our pain to ourselves. Still, Sweeny’s research is clear that emotional suppression is not helpful. So, being honest and open with your frustrations, fears and hopes with friends, in your journal, or with a counselor can be another way ride the waves of uncertainty.

At Fuller Life, we are here to walk with you as you wade through the muddy waters of life’s ambiguity.

For more information about Dr. Kate Sweeny’s research, visit www.katesweeny.com

References

Sweeny, K., Reynolds, C., Falkenstein, A., Andrews, S. E., & Dooley, M. (2016). Two definitions of waiting well. Emotion, 16, 129-143.

Sweeny, K. (2012). Waiting well: Tips for navigating painful uncertainty. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 6, 258-269.

 

Contributed by

Tamara Tatum , M.A, LMFTA

Supervised under Dr. Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT, LPC

Categories : Anxiety Issues, Counseling, Covid-19, Sticky, Stress Management, Unemployment
Tags : mental health, stress management, uncertainty, wait, waiting
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