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Archive for abuse

intimate partner violence

The unexpected reality of intimate partner violence

Posted by Terry Hoisington on
 February 16, 2020
  · 2 Comments

Sometimes relationships are surprising – and perplexing. What begins as an ideal match in the eyes of others, can be a disappointing world of nightmares.

When this relationship with an intimate partner appears different in public than it is in private, it may be time to examine the direction that the relationship is growing into.

How do you know when it is time to examine your relationship? One red flag is when the “ideal” relationship only exists in public. Sometimes, the private relationship is very different than the one shown to others.

Is there reason for discomfort?

If examining the relationship brings definite feelings of discomfort, there may be valid reasons for that feeling.  Consider the following points.

Does your partner:

  • try to control what you are doing, check your phone, e-mail or social media without your permission?
  • force you to have sex when you don’t want to?
  • attempt to control your birth control or perhaps insist that you become pregnant before you are ready?
  • decide what you wear or eat?
  • decide or how you spend money?
  • humiliate you in front of others?
  • prevent or discourage you from seeing or visiting with friends, or family.
  • unfairly accused you of being unfaithful?

If you can answer yes to any one of these questions, you are likely experiencing domestic or intimate partner violence (IPV).

IPV is sometimes difficult to identify. Many people have a reaction of “Whoa, not me, my husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend loves me.” Love is not just about romance though. It is about respect, and respect has no room for violence in any form.

IPV is about control and abuse in any part of a person’s life. This control or abuse may be experienced in social activity, finances, religion and even sexual activity. What is helpful to understand is that IPV is very subtle and progresses over time.

What is Intimate Partner Violence?

Society tends to think of violence as being solely physical abuse. However, emotional abuse can be just as, or even more, damaging. IPV is a physical episode of being hit, beat, or pushed. It may be a situation of being blamed for a partner’s violent outbursts. It is important to realize that IPV is not limited to physical violence. Statements such as “If I can’t have you, then no one can” also qualifies as IPV. Verbal insults, humiliation and put-downs are also forms of IPV. It can also involve hurting or threatening someone’s children or pets.

As defined by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, Intimate Partner Violence is

“…violence or aggression that can vary in frequency and severity and occurs on a continuum ranging from one episode that might or might not have lasting impact, to chronic and severe episodes lasting over a period of years.”

The Center for Disease Control and Prevention tells us that IPV can be four types of behavior:

  • Physical violence is when a person hurts or even tries to hurt a partner by hitting, kicking or using any other type of physical force
  • Sexual violence is forcing or trying to force a partner to take part in a sex act, touching or sexting when a partner does not or cannot consent
  • Stalking is a pattern of repeated, unwanted attention/contact by that causes fear or concern for safety of self or someone close to the victim
  • Psychological/emotional abuse occurs when a person is verbally humiliated, shamed, controlled or isolated from family or friends

What is emotional abuse?

Emotional abuse often leads to any one of the other three types of IPV. It is far more subtle and less talked about since it leaves no scars on the outside. Emotional abuse can be just as damaging. Katie Ray-Jones, president of the National Domestic Violence Hotline (NDVH) stated in an interview with Cosmopolitan.com that one woman told her…

“I can still hear his voice in my head. Even though I’ve been out of the relationship for three years, I still feel like I’m sitting there.”

Another individual relayed a similar experience indicating that trauma from emotional abuse was evidenced 10 years after the event.

In many cases, the victim’s confidence, self-esteem and perception of their world are slowly undermined by the partner’s need to dominate or control. Counseling psychologist, Carmel O’Brien, Fellow of the Australian Psychological Society, says

“…what comes across again and again is that there’s someone in the relationship who thinks that their views are more important, their needs have to come first, and they basically should be making the decisions and the other person should be toeing the line.”

How does IPV impact its victim?

IPV does not discriminate! It can happen to anyone, anywhere, regardless of gender or sexual preference, economic status, religious, ethnic or cultural group. In whatever form it takes, IPV is never OK, and can result in consequences such as, but not limited to

  • poor physical health
  • depression and/or anxiety
  • trauma or posttraumatic stress
  • feelings of guilt or shame
  • low self-esteem or self-harm
  • an inability to trust others

It is important to understand what IPV looks and feels like. Resources are available to find help when discomfort in a relationship occurs. If you or a person you know is involved in Intimate Partner Violence, please reach out for help. A few resources, both national and local, can be found below.                                                                                                                   

Resources to find help

The resources below are good places to start reaching out for help or to receive guidance:

  • National Domestic Hotline – call 1-800-799-7233 or use the secure online chat in English or Spanish
  • ACF’s (Administration for Children & Families) Family Violence Prevention and Services Program administers the primary federal funding stream dedicated to the support of emergency shelter and related assistance for victims of domestic violence and their children.
  • National Coalition Against Domestic Violence: State Coalition List provides a directory of state offices that can help you find local support, shelter, and free or low-cost legal services. This includes all U.S. states, as well as the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands.

Find help in the Houston area:

  • Bridge Over Troubled Waters (713)473-2801 in Pasadena, Texas – Provides residential shelter in a family atmosphere for women & children in crisis, as well as counseling and educational services
  • Family Time Crisis and Counseling Center (281)446-2615 in Tomball/Humble, Texas
  • Houston Area Women’s Center (713)528-2121 is a Hotline
  • Houston Area Women’s Center
  • Domestic Violence Hotline: (713)528-2121, Rape Crisis Hotline: (713)528-7273
  • The Montrose Center (713)529-0037 on 701 Richmond Avenue, Houston, Texas77006 – Population: Lesbian, Gay & Bisexual and Transgender survivors of domestic violence can call the Gay & Lesbian Switchboard (713)529-3211
  • The Montrose Counseling Center provides around the clock, scattered site emergency shelter for LGBT survivors of domestic violence, as well as transitional housing. Advocacy & counseling services also are available.
  • Bay Area Turning Point Webster, Texas(281)286-2525 – Provides emergency shelter for battered women and children
  • Fort Bend Women’s Center  located in Richmond, Texas, (281)342-4357 Provides safe shelter for battered women and children (under 18 years of age). Counseling and referrals provided to shelter residents.
  • Houston Volunteer Lawyers (713)228-0732 Provides pro-bono civil legal services, including family law, for low-income residents of Harris County who meet eligibility requirements.
  • Legal Line  (713)759-1133

Contributed by:

Terry Hoisington, LPC-Intern

Under Supervision of Amy Fuller PhD, LPC-S

Categories : Boundaries, Counseling, Couples, Domestic Violence, Marriage, Relationships, Trauma and Loss
Tags : abuse, boundaries, couples, Domestic Violence, intimate partner violence, trauma

Take a Stand Against Eating Disorders

Posted by Laura Cardella on
 May 18, 2017
  · No Comments

An eating disorder is a condition that keeps a person from eating food in a way that promotes good physical and emotional health. While more prevalent in Western nations, all races, cultures, genders, socio-economic groups and ages are susceptible to eating disorders. The general public became aware of eating disorders in 1983 following the death of a famous singer, Karen Carpenter, from anorexia nervosa.

Facts of Disordered Eating

As of 2011, 10 million men and 20 million women in the United States suffer from eating disorders at some point during their lifetime. Eating disorders often coexist with psychological and medical issues such as low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, trouble coping with emotions and substance abuse. Statistics showing girls under 10 years of age being worried about their body weight and shape are concerning. A variety of athletes are currently obsessed with having a perfect, thin and beautiful body.

What Causes Disordered Eating?

Dissatisfaction with one’s body or appearance is one main reason for disordered eating.   For some, a preoccupation with food becomes a way to gain control over at least one aspect of their lives.  Social media, television, movies and magazines present artificial and unhealthy ideals of beauty. This causes some young girls, teens, women, boys, men and their families to be preoccupied with dieting and thinness.

Kinds of Eating Disorders

Bulimia nervosa is an emotional disorder involving a distorted body image, eating large amounts of food and an obsessive desire to lose weight. These bouts of extreme overeating are followed by depression, guilt, shame and often self-induced vomiting, purging, or fasting or extreme exercising. It effects 3.5% of women, 2% of men, and up to 1.6% of adolescents in the U.S.  Bulimia nervosa has the highest rate of suicide of all eating disorders.

Anorexia nervosa is about extremely low body weight, but the patient sees themselves as overweight. Patients may actually die of starvation. Statistics show 10% of people with anorexia nervosa die within 10 years. Anorexia has the highest death rate of all psychiatric diagnosis.

Ways Society Makes it Worse

Sadly many adore superficial beauty in our sophisticated postmodern American society. Being a singular type – young, unblemished and thin is to be perfect. The media prefers a single body type and discourages tolerance of differences and varieties of physique. Additionally, we find attitudes and trends of unhealthy thin models in television and movies, magazines and social media on screens throughout the world. Those committed to encouraging their families’ healthy eating habits must battle the merciless influence of outside pressure. These social influences make it even more difficult to nurture and maintain healthy eating habits. So what is to be done to help people successfully nourish their families?

What Can you do? 

There are things you can do to prevent eating disorders even if you or someone you love is not struggling with an eating disorder. For example, you can spread awareness through education, be aware of the dangers and mindfully prevent the glamorizing of poor eating habits. In other words, take a stand!

  • Prepare, serve and eat in healthy ways so that you and your family maintain healthy, nourishing habits. If you enjoy apps, check out The Best Eating Disorder Apps of 2016 (These apps offer ways to track eating and exercise, use cognitive behavioral therapy or positive affirmations for promoting healthy eating styles.)
  • Do not shop at or buy products from stores that glorify overly thin models and starvation lifestyles.
  • Take a positive stand against the dieting trend. Speak with your sons and daughters about the harm of eating disorders. Help them use common sense to see how the media distorts overly thin body types.
  • Finally, speak up for and model healthy attitudes and eating practices wherever you find yourself: at work, with parenting groups, in programs for school children, athletics, scouting and church activities. Encourage a culture of accepting diversity of healthy body types and nurturing eating practices.

It Is Up To Me If It Is To Be

If we do not stop the swing toward rewarding faulty thinking and unhealthy choices, no one else will do it for us. So it is up to you and me. We must not accept the distortion that being too thin is best. Will you take a stand with me and reclaim healthy eating patterns for our families?

Laura L. Cardella, LPC Intern,

Supervised by Amy Fuller PhD, LMFT-S, LPC-S  

 

 

 

Fuller Life Family Therapy Institute,  invites you to comment on or share this blog.  Let this be a way of standing strong and joining the conversation to help families choose healthy eating habits!

 

Categories : Counseling, Eating Disorders, Lifestyle, Mental Health, Self-Awareness, Self-Esteem
Tags : abuse, adolescents, adolescents and children, eating disorders, self-awareness, self-esteem

You Find Drugs in Your Teen’s Room-Now What?

Posted by Angela Blocker on
 January 26, 2017
  · No Comments

When you believe your child is using drugs it is hard to know what to do. Whether you found out from another parent, a teacher from school or from rummaging through their dirty room in search for forgotten football cleats—when you believe your child is using drugs moving forward can be a challenge.  How do you confront your child in a way that will help without alienating your child and damaging your relationship?

 Here are some thoughts to consider:

1.  Choose the moment. While you may want to, greeting your child with an ambush after she walks through the door after school probably won’t end well. At the time of the conversation, it is important that your child is not high nor you so consumed with anger that listening becomes impossible. A high teen or preteen will not be focused on your words or remember them; and uncontrolled anger can distract from the goal of stopping your teen’s drug use. Teens can shut down when facing rejection or feeling unheard in the same way adults can and a volatile approach often leads to more harm than good. Use this as a moment of meeting with your child.

2. Focus on Facts. Don’t preach or accuse. Your teen knows drugs are illegal, not healthy for them, and that you are not pleased. Phrases like “how could you be so stupid? You just need to stand up for yourself” are not going to be helpful to the conversation. In the same way, phrases or questions like “where did I go wrong with you” or “It’s all my fault isn’t it?” tend to be unproductive to the goal of stopping your teen’s drug usage.

3. Ask hard questions. These questions let your child know that you are concerned about them and will do what is necessary to help them. Depending on the answers to these questions, you may need to consider substance abuse treatment option that ranges from outpatient therapy to inpatient intensive care.

  • Why is pot or a bong in your closet? Why did your teacher call me to tell me you were found in a bathroom smoking?
  •   How long have you been using?
  •   When and why did you first start?
  •   How did you get access to the drugs?
  •   Do you sell as well?

4. Listen. After asking questions, give space to hear your child out. Seek to understand how this mistake happened and the events leading up to it. Determine other concerns impacting your child’s choice.

5. Set natural consequences. Keep in mind you are demonstrating that you love and care for your child without condoning the behavior. The rules established should demonstrate realistic byproducts for their choices. The following types of questions will help you frame logical consequences for their actions.  

  • Would you let a stoned person drive?
  •   Should a stoned person be playing football?
  •   How would a stoned person spend an allowance?

6. Destroy the drugs. Don’t hide them. You want to prevent your teen from finding them. Officer Eduardo Martinez of Houston Police Department recommends having an officer pick them up to destroy them or dropping them off at your local police station.

Finding out your teen is using drugs can provoke panic and anger.  Choosing to focus on their health makes all the difference. A study performed by the University of Oregon created a positive parenting checklist to encourage skills that prevent drug usage and help discontinue teen drug usage in the future. The best thing you can do is respond in an understanding, non-judgmental way so your teen will turn to you instead of drugs or alcohol for support.

Please know there are many resources for parents and teens facing drug addiction. There are many clinics and professionals who can help you walk this journey to help your child thrive and restore family connections.

  •     The National Institute on Drug Abuse offers an extensive collection of publications, articles and videos for parents to talk to their children about drugs and alcohol. It also offers a step-by-step guide in English and en Español, to help you know where to start from prevention, to talking to a teen who refuses treatment, to  selecting the best treatment for this age group. Additionally, look at the parent/educator page for free resources about teen drug use.
  • The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration offers a behavioral health treatment services locator to assist you in finding a local center. Call their confidential, anonymous and secure helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (1-800-662-4357) or 1-800-487-4889 (TTY) to ask about treatment. They can also talk to you about centers that offer low- or no-cost treatment. 

 

References

1.  Dillon, P. (2013, October 12). What if I find drugs in my child’s room? What should I do? Retrieved Dec. & jan., 2016, from http://doingdrugs-darta.blogspot.com/2013/10/what-if-i-find-drugs-in-my-childs-room.html

1.  Dishion TJ, Nelson SE, Kavanagh K. The family check-up with high-risk adolescents: Preventing early-onset substance use by parent monitoring. Behav Ther. 2003;34(4):553-571.

2. Dishion TJ, Kavanagh K, Schneiger A, Nelson S, Kaufman NK. Preventing early adolescent substance use: a family-centered strategy for the public middle school. Prev Sci. 2002;3(3):191-201.

3. Stiles, M. (2012). Pot in your Teens room? Don’t Panic. – Positive Outlook Counseling – Positive Outlook Counseling. Retrieved January 18, 2017, from http://www.positiveoutlookcounseling.com/teens/pot-in-your-teens-room-dont-panic/

 

Contributed by

Angela Blocker , M.A, LMFTA

Clinical Supervision by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT, LPC

Categories : Addiction & Recovery, Adolescents & Children, Parenting, Sticky
Tags : abuse, Addiction, addictions, adolescents, anger, teenagers
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Fuller Life Family Therapy Institute
  • Home
    • Our Story
    • Our Core Values
    • Partner with Us
    • Our Training
    • Donate
  • Info
    • Our Locations
    • New Client Forms
    • Therapy Fees
    • Information for New clients
    • Secure Inquiry Form
    • Initial Session Form
    • Telemental Health Consent Form
  • Services
    • Individual Counseling
    • Couples Counseling
    • Family Counseling
    • Counseling Kids
    • Counseling with Teens
    • Speaking Engagements
  • Team
    • Harold Gibson, Student Therapist
    • Lindsay Perry, Resident Therapist, Loop
    • Stephanie Jordan, Resident Therapist, Loop
    • Chantail Green, Resident Therapist
    • Dormetra Henry, Resident Therapist
    • Manet Castañeda,Resident Therapist
    • Dr. Amy Fuller, Clinical Director
  • Resources
    • Houston Sliding-Scale Therapy Agencies
    • Mental Health Resources
      • Depression
      • Anxiety
    • Local Houston Resources
      • Helpful Books
      • Personal Bill of Rights
    • Healing Practices
      • Benefits of Self-Compassion
      • Self-Care Practices
      • Self-Compassion
  • Blog
    • Blog Grid
    • Resilient Relationships
    • Befriending Anxiety
    • Dancing Through Depression
    • Growing Kids and Teens
    • Healing Practices
    • Healing Trauma and Loss
    • Living Free from Addiction
    • Managing Anger and Stress
    • Sex Therapy
    • Navigating Separation, Divorce and Blended Families
    • Mindful Eating
    • Practicing Faith
  • New Year New You Challenge
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