Bridge banner
Fuller Life Family Therapy Institute
  • Home
    • Our Story
    • Our Core Values
    • Partner with Us
    • Our Training
    • Donate
  • Info
    • Our Locations
    • New Client Forms
    • Therapy Fees
    • Information for New clients
    • Secure Inquiry Form
    • Initial Session Form
    • Telemental Health Consent Form
  • Services
    • Individual Counseling
    • Couples Counseling
    • Family Counseling
    • Counseling Kids
    • Counseling with Teens
    • Speaking Engagements
  • Team
    • Harold Gibson, Student Therapist
    • Lindsay Perry, Resident Therapist, Loop
    • Stephanie Jordan, Resident Therapist, Loop
    • Chantail Green, Resident Therapist
    • Dormetra Henry, Resident Therapist
    • Riya Roney, Resident Therapist
    • Dr. Amy Fuller, Clinical Director
  • Resources
    • Houston Sliding-Scale Therapy Agencies
    • Mental Health Resources
      • Depression
      • Anxiety
    • Local Houston Resources
      • Helpful Books
      • Personal Bill of Rights
    • Healing Practices
      • Benefits of Self-Compassion
      • Self-Care Practices
      • Self-Compassion
  • Blog
    • Blog Grid
    • Resilient Relationships
    • Befriending Anxiety
    • Dancing Through Depression
    • Growing Kids and Teens
    • Healing Practices
    • Healing Trauma and Loss
    • Living Free from Addiction
    • Managing Anger and Stress
    • Sex Therapy
    • Navigating Separation, Divorce and Blended Families
    • Mindful Eating
    • Practicing Faith
  • New Year New You Challenge

Archive for adolescents

Teen Moodiness & Signs of Borderline Personality Disorder

Posted by Angela Blocker on
 October 24, 2017
  · No Comments

In the movie, Thirteen, Tracy Freeland is a seventh grade honor student with a troubling home life. As a girl who formerly channeled her frustrations from home into her studies, her life derails when she meets popular student Evie who introduces her to sex, drugs and thievery. When Tracy’s mother, Melanie, tries to set limits, her daughter acts out more. Melanie backs down again and again guilty over her own preoccupation with relational and financial problems. In the end, Melanie and  Tracy have a brutal argument  leading to a full picture of a daughter’s distress and her mother’s love.

While some critics disagree, others have said the film highlights the dynamics of adolescent Borderline Personality Disorder(BPD). With one psychiatrist stating, “it should have been titled How To Turn Your Teenager into a Borderline Without Even Being Abusive”. Signs of Borderline Personality Disorder surface in adolescence; but, it can be hard for parents to distinguish from typical teenage acting out.How can you know for sure?

What is Borderline Personality Disorder?

To start, many are skeptical of diagnoses like Borderline Personality disorder (BPD). Psychiatric diagnoses come and go. Dr. Blaise Aguirre, expert psychiatrist and extensive author on the subject of BPD, explains this is largely due to the absence of accurate  tools and procedures. While technology has improved greatly, the majority of diagnoses are based on observations and descriptions of behavior alone. Consequently, a behavior such as impulsivity could be a sign used to diagnose ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, or Borderline Personality disorder. For this reason, Aguirre adds that Borderline personality disorder is a mysteriously complex disorder because its own behaviors overlap the behaviors of typical adolescents, along with those characteristic of  mood disorders, attention deficit disorders, and even post traumatic stress disorder. He says it is like all of those but incredibly distinct at the same time. It has obvious characteristics.

Dr. Marsha Linehan, developer of one of the most effective treatments for Borderline Personality Disorder, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), describes the disorder as “a poorly understood condition characterized by neediness, outbursts and self-destructive urges, often leading to cutting or burning.” In order to be diagnosed, a person must meet five of the nine criteria, including abandonment fears, unstable personal relationships, unstable identity, impulsive behaviors with drugs and sex, suicidal/self-harm behavior, affective or emotional instability,  chronic feelings of boredom or emptiness, and dissociative feelings. It is a relational disorder marked by high emotional sensitivity, high emotional reactivity, and a slow return to baseline.

Given those criteria,  Aguirre says, it’s not hard to see why normal teenage development can look like emerging adult BPD. Most adolescents have difficulty controlling their emotions, thoughts and behavior. They can be impulsive. Additionally, they have problems in their relationships and confusion over their identities.  If my teen has suicidal thoughts or intense anger one day, does that mean she’s got a personality disorder? Not necessarily.

What’s the Difference?

“A lot of people said you know it’s just kind of normal teenage acting out and it wasn’t..and it didn’t feel normal to me” says one mom of child who meets the criteria for BPD.

Many parents feel the behaviors of their teen don’t feel normal but the actions may look typical of teen development. Dr. Aguirre tells parents to imagine two girls are sitting at a cafeteria in high school. Both have had screaming matches with their parents. They have each made risky choices experimenting with sex , drugs and self-harm. Both can be moody. Both are passionate and  caring people. One has Borderline Personality Disorder and the other does not.  The difference, he says, is in the function of the behavior.

“Adolescents with borderline personality disorder often use self-harm, illegal substances, and rage to cope with profound misery, intense emotions, emptiness, self-loathing, and abandonment fears,” explains Aguirre. After interviewing teens who cut, he found that some did so because they saw copied others. These teens were confused over why others cut and they stopped because it was painful. Other teens, he found, felt more alive after cutting. They felt calmer,  less numb, and said the cutting gave them little or no pain. It is very troubling for a parent of a teen who finds a reduction in pain through self-harm because it will likely be repeated. Aguirre explains that repeating this behavior hard-wires it into the brain as a way to problem solve and cope.

Repetitive self-harm behaviors and suicidality are not typical adolescent behaviors.  In the same way, alcohol abuse and impulsive sexual activities to ease emotional pain is atypical to adolescence and require a response.

What can parents do?

  1. Don’t diagnose your child. If concerned about your child’s actions, find a qualified mental health professional. They  can distinguish between normal adolescent behavior from other disorders. It is not uncommon for clinicians to be uncomfortable making the diagnosis or reluctant to work with teens who have been diagnosed. One parent sought the help of many mental health professionals but no one mentioned BPD. Another parent was refused care because the case was too difficult for the therapist. She wondered where to find help if the very people trained to treat mental health cases refused her. Dr. Aguirre recommends asking if the clinician has training in Dialectical Behavior Therapy, post-traumatic stress disorder, or has worked with self-harming or suicidal teens. He also recommends writing a list of concerns you have for your child, including specific behaviors, medications with dosages, hospitalizations and past therapies.
  2. Learn about validation. Validation is helpful for teens with or without BPD. Dr. Linehan explains that validation requires empathy and communicates that another’s response makes sense. In contrast, self-validation acknowledges your own experiences are real and acceptable to you. It frees you up to validate others.  Again, to validate another is to accept his or her experience as true and able to be understood.   However, validating others does not mean you agree,  support his or her actions, or feel the same way. Dr. Aguirre adds, it simply means that you accept that your child has a point of view that might be different from yours and it is real.
  3. Practice balance. Dr. Blaise lists three parental balancing  strategies that work for teens with or without BPD. First,  seek to find the balance between being too lenient and taking restrictive control. Then, try to find a fair line between minimaizing a problem behavior versus overreacting to to it. Since teenage years are all about learning to be an adult, Aguirre ends by telling parents to try to find the balance between forcing autonomy and  fostering dependence
  4. Practice Self-Care.  Regular eating, sleeping, and  exercise help parents handle the ups and downs of their teens from a place of fullness. Self-care is also finding support.  This can be a challenge because many families may notice what happens in their home isn’t taking place in other homes. As a result,  they isolate themselves.  Many families found that even extended family members had difficulty understanding. However, even if support doesn’t come from those nearest you, don’t continue alone. Try finding a therapist  for yourself,  an online forum, or a group like Family Connections. Family Connections is  a free group program designed by families for  families of those with symptoms of  Borderline Personality Disorder.

Information About Teen Moodiness and Development

Borderline Personality Disorder in Adolescents, 2nd Edition: What To Do When Your Teen Has BPD: A Complete Guide for Families

Parenting a Teen Who Has Intense Emotions: DBT Skills to Help Your Teen Navigate Emotional and Behavioral Challenges

Brainstorm the Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain  Drawing on important new research in the field of interpersonal neurobiology, Siegel explores exciting ways in which understanding how the brain functions can improve vital skills teens learn, such as how to leave home and enter the larger world, connect deeply with others, and safely experiment and take risks.

The Teenage Brain: A Neuroscientist’s Survival Guide to Raising Adolescents and Young Adults Gives parents a developmental understanding of how a teenager’s brain functions and how parents can foster their teen’s growth.

Information About Borderline Personality Disorder

National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder works with families and persons in recovery, raises public awareness, provides education to professionals, promotes research, and works with Congress to enhance the quality of life for those affected by this serious but treatable mental illness.

National Institute of Mental Health is the foremost federal agency for research on mental disorders. NIMH is part of   the National Institutes of Health (NIH), the largest biomedical research agency in the world. NIH is also part of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS).

Online Support for Family Members

 

OZ image2
Welcome to Oz
BPD Central’s forum service “Welcome to Oz” has endless options for a customizable experience. Whether you are a parent, grandparent, or sibling to somebody with BPD or just a close friend/romantic partner; you will find the right avenue to put you in contact with others in similar positions. Because they have grown to more than 20,000 members, they offer 15 diverse and active groups.
lines
Lines from the Border
Randi Krieger has created a safe haven for those affected closely by somebody who has or may have borderline personality disorder. With stockpiles of information, it is no wonder bpdcentral.com is at the forefront when it comes to highly regarded borderline websites. With the ability to locate therapists through the website as well as a BPD answer line where you can schedule a confidential telephone call, bpdcentral.com is a fantastic resource.

Steps to Validation

 

References

Aguirre, B. A. (2014). Borderline personality disorder in adolescents: what to do when your teen has BPD: a complete guide for families. Beverly, MA: Fair Winds.

Brody, J. E. (2009, June 15). An Emotional Hair Trigger, Often Misread. Retrieved October 18, 2017, from http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/16/health/16brod.html?_r=1

Relational DBT Validation. (2014, December 15).  Sunrise Residential Treatment Center Retrieved October 24, 2017, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HANLHwZ47Hc

Teen Moodiness, or Borderline Personality Disorder? (2010, February 25). New York Times. Retrieved July 21, 2017, from https://consults.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/02/25/borderline-personality-disorder-in-teenagers/

Contributed by Angela Blocker , M.A, LMFT Associate

Clinical Supervision by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT, LPC

Categories : Adolescents & Children, Parenting
Tags : adolescents, anger, borderline personality disorder, teen acting out, teen anger, teenagers

Take a Stand Against Eating Disorders

Posted by Laura Cardella on
 May 18, 2017
  · No Comments

An eating disorder is a condition that keeps a person from eating food in a way that promotes good physical and emotional health. While more prevalent in Western nations, all races, cultures, genders, socio-economic groups and ages are susceptible to eating disorders. The general public became aware of eating disorders in 1983 following the death of a famous singer, Karen Carpenter, from anorexia nervosa.

Facts of Disordered Eating

As of 2011, 10 million men and 20 million women in the United States suffer from eating disorders at some point during their lifetime. Eating disorders often coexist with psychological and medical issues such as low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, trouble coping with emotions and substance abuse. Statistics showing girls under 10 years of age being worried about their body weight and shape are concerning. A variety of athletes are currently obsessed with having a perfect, thin and beautiful body.

What Causes Disordered Eating?

Dissatisfaction with one’s body or appearance is one main reason for disordered eating.   For some, a preoccupation with food becomes a way to gain control over at least one aspect of their lives.  Social media, television, movies and magazines present artificial and unhealthy ideals of beauty. This causes some young girls, teens, women, boys, men and their families to be preoccupied with dieting and thinness.

Kinds of Eating Disorders

Bulimia nervosa is an emotional disorder involving a distorted body image, eating large amounts of food and an obsessive desire to lose weight. These bouts of extreme overeating are followed by depression, guilt, shame and often self-induced vomiting, purging, or fasting or extreme exercising. It effects 3.5% of women, 2% of men, and up to 1.6% of adolescents in the U.S.  Bulimia nervosa has the highest rate of suicide of all eating disorders.

Anorexia nervosa is about extremely low body weight, but the patient sees themselves as overweight. Patients may actually die of starvation. Statistics show 10% of people with anorexia nervosa die within 10 years. Anorexia has the highest death rate of all psychiatric diagnosis.

Ways Society Makes it Worse

Sadly many adore superficial beauty in our sophisticated postmodern American society. Being a singular type – young, unblemished and thin is to be perfect. The media prefers a single body type and discourages tolerance of differences and varieties of physique. Additionally, we find attitudes and trends of unhealthy thin models in television and movies, magazines and social media on screens throughout the world. Those committed to encouraging their families’ healthy eating habits must battle the merciless influence of outside pressure. These social influences make it even more difficult to nurture and maintain healthy eating habits. So what is to be done to help people successfully nourish their families?

What Can you do? 

There are things you can do to prevent eating disorders even if you or someone you love is not struggling with an eating disorder. For example, you can spread awareness through education, be aware of the dangers and mindfully prevent the glamorizing of poor eating habits. In other words, take a stand!

  • Prepare, serve and eat in healthy ways so that you and your family maintain healthy, nourishing habits. If you enjoy apps, check out The Best Eating Disorder Apps of 2016 (These apps offer ways to track eating and exercise, use cognitive behavioral therapy or positive affirmations for promoting healthy eating styles.)
  • Do not shop at or buy products from stores that glorify overly thin models and starvation lifestyles.
  • Take a positive stand against the dieting trend. Speak with your sons and daughters about the harm of eating disorders. Help them use common sense to see how the media distorts overly thin body types.
  • Finally, speak up for and model healthy attitudes and eating practices wherever you find yourself: at work, with parenting groups, in programs for school children, athletics, scouting and church activities. Encourage a culture of accepting diversity of healthy body types and nurturing eating practices.

It Is Up To Me If It Is To Be

If we do not stop the swing toward rewarding faulty thinking and unhealthy choices, no one else will do it for us. So it is up to you and me. We must not accept the distortion that being too thin is best. Will you take a stand with me and reclaim healthy eating patterns for our families?

Laura L. Cardella, LPC Intern,

Supervised by Amy Fuller PhD, LMFT-S, LPC-S  

 

 

 

Fuller Life Family Therapy Institute,  invites you to comment on or share this blog.  Let this be a way of standing strong and joining the conversation to help families choose healthy eating habits!

 

Categories : Counseling, Eating Disorders, Lifestyle, Mental Health, Self-Awareness, Self-Esteem
Tags : abuse, adolescents, adolescents and children, eating disorders, self-awareness, self-esteem

You Find Drugs in Your Teen’s Room-Now What?

Posted by Angela Blocker on
 January 26, 2017
  · No Comments

When you believe your child is using drugs it is hard to know what to do. Whether you found out from another parent, a teacher from school or from rummaging through their dirty room in search for forgotten football cleats—when you believe your child is using drugs moving forward can be a challenge.  How do you confront your child in a way that will help without alienating your child and damaging your relationship?

 Here are some thoughts to consider:

1.  Choose the moment. While you may want to, greeting your child with an ambush after she walks through the door after school probably won’t end well. At the time of the conversation, it is important that your child is not high nor you so consumed with anger that listening becomes impossible. A high teen or preteen will not be focused on your words or remember them; and uncontrolled anger can distract from the goal of stopping your teen’s drug use. Teens can shut down when facing rejection or feeling unheard in the same way adults can and a volatile approach often leads to more harm than good. Use this as a moment of meeting with your child.

2. Focus on Facts. Don’t preach or accuse. Your teen knows drugs are illegal, not healthy for them, and that you are not pleased. Phrases like “how could you be so stupid? You just need to stand up for yourself” are not going to be helpful to the conversation. In the same way, phrases or questions like “where did I go wrong with you” or “It’s all my fault isn’t it?” tend to be unproductive to the goal of stopping your teen’s drug usage.

3. Ask hard questions. These questions let your child know that you are concerned about them and will do what is necessary to help them. Depending on the answers to these questions, you may need to consider substance abuse treatment option that ranges from outpatient therapy to inpatient intensive care.

  • Why is pot or a bong in your closet? Why did your teacher call me to tell me you were found in a bathroom smoking?
  •   How long have you been using?
  •   When and why did you first start?
  •   How did you get access to the drugs?
  •   Do you sell as well?

4. Listen. After asking questions, give space to hear your child out. Seek to understand how this mistake happened and the events leading up to it. Determine other concerns impacting your child’s choice.

5. Set natural consequences. Keep in mind you are demonstrating that you love and care for your child without condoning the behavior. The rules established should demonstrate realistic byproducts for their choices. The following types of questions will help you frame logical consequences for their actions.  

  • Would you let a stoned person drive?
  •   Should a stoned person be playing football?
  •   How would a stoned person spend an allowance?

6. Destroy the drugs. Don’t hide them. You want to prevent your teen from finding them. Officer Eduardo Martinez of Houston Police Department recommends having an officer pick them up to destroy them or dropping them off at your local police station.

Finding out your teen is using drugs can provoke panic and anger.  Choosing to focus on their health makes all the difference. A study performed by the University of Oregon created a positive parenting checklist to encourage skills that prevent drug usage and help discontinue teen drug usage in the future. The best thing you can do is respond in an understanding, non-judgmental way so your teen will turn to you instead of drugs or alcohol for support.

Please know there are many resources for parents and teens facing drug addiction. There are many clinics and professionals who can help you walk this journey to help your child thrive and restore family connections.

  •     The National Institute on Drug Abuse offers an extensive collection of publications, articles and videos for parents to talk to their children about drugs and alcohol. It also offers a step-by-step guide in English and en Español, to help you know where to start from prevention, to talking to a teen who refuses treatment, to  selecting the best treatment for this age group. Additionally, look at the parent/educator page for free resources about teen drug use.
  • The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration offers a behavioral health treatment services locator to assist you in finding a local center. Call their confidential, anonymous and secure helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (1-800-662-4357) or 1-800-487-4889 (TTY) to ask about treatment. They can also talk to you about centers that offer low- or no-cost treatment. 

 

References

1.  Dillon, P. (2013, October 12). What if I find drugs in my child’s room? What should I do? Retrieved Dec. & jan., 2016, from http://doingdrugs-darta.blogspot.com/2013/10/what-if-i-find-drugs-in-my-childs-room.html

1.  Dishion TJ, Nelson SE, Kavanagh K. The family check-up with high-risk adolescents: Preventing early-onset substance use by parent monitoring. Behav Ther. 2003;34(4):553-571.

2. Dishion TJ, Kavanagh K, Schneiger A, Nelson S, Kaufman NK. Preventing early adolescent substance use: a family-centered strategy for the public middle school. Prev Sci. 2002;3(3):191-201.

3. Stiles, M. (2012). Pot in your Teens room? Don’t Panic. – Positive Outlook Counseling – Positive Outlook Counseling. Retrieved January 18, 2017, from http://www.positiveoutlookcounseling.com/teens/pot-in-your-teens-room-dont-panic/

 

Contributed by

Angela Blocker , M.A, LMFTA

Clinical Supervision by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT, LPC

Categories : Addiction & Recovery, Adolescents & Children, Parenting, Sticky
Tags : abuse, Addiction, addictions, adolescents, anger, teenagers

How to Connect with Your Child When You Swear He’s Lost it

Posted by Angela Blocker on
 August 18, 2016
  · 1 Comment

“‘Mom, you never leave me a note in the middle of the night and I hate homework!’ ‘What are you doing out of your bed? Go back to your room, and I don’t want to see you again until morning?'”

If any of this sounds familiar, you aren’t alone. This is an excerpt is from The Whole Brained Child  written by world renowned  neuropsychiatrist Dr. Daniel Siegal and inspiring speaker and author Dr. Tina Payne Bryson. In this best-selling book Dr.Siegal says the goal is to simply survive through the screaming in the grocery store moments  but you can use these moments to connect and THRIVE. Dr. Siegel coaches parents to teach their children 12 self-regulatory techniques to use during a  high intensity meltdown. One of the techniques is fueled by  an understanding of a child’s left and right brain.

Left and Right Brain Integration

It is probably familiar knowledge that the brain consists of two hemispheres that function differently. The left brain is the literal and rational side. It values organization, lists, and problem-solving. The right brain is its opposite. It plays a part in emotional processing, facial recognition, tone, context, and alerts us to feeling sensations in our body. The integration of both hemispheres trains a child or teen to value their reasoning side and also their creative feeling side.

However, human brains do not fully develop until the mid-twenties so children are often dysregulated. Picture a teenager who says everything is fine but you hear sobbing at night or a 3 yr old screaming because his toy doesn’t fly like it does on the commercial. A parent who has tools to teach them to integrate earlier will help them learn to surf through big right brained waves of emotions and problem solve their way out of them in an understanding way

Here’s one way method to try:

Connect and Redirect

When Tina’s son was upset because he couldn’t climb on the walls like Spiderman, she explains that would not have been the best time to explain the laws of physics because he was acting out of his right brain and any left brain information like logic would be counterproductive. In children, especially young children, the emotions of the right brain often take over the logic of the left brain. Parents connect with the emotional side of their child by interacting right brain to right brain. After connecting, the parents appeal to the logical and reasoning side of the child by connecting left brain to left brain through problem solving.

What It Looks Like

Step 1: Connect with the feeling side of your child’s right brain. Attempting to connect with them from a logical perspective by asking questions and seeking explanation can prove ineffective. Recognize that the feelings are real and important to your child.  Connect through the use nonverbal signs such as eye contact, lowering yourself to the height of the child, physical touch and warm facial expressions. Alter your tone of voice to be nurturing and listen without judgment.

Step 2: Redirect with the logical, linguistic and literal left brain. Sometimes the emotional waves just need to crash until the storm passes. After it passes, you can address your child’s left brain. He may simply need to eat or get some sleep. All the rules about respect and behavior still apply in moments of high emotion and inappropriate behavior (as defined by your family) remains off-limits. It may be a good idea to discuss misbehavior and its consequences after  he has calmed down.

In the scenario described above, Dr. Siegal and Dr.Payne give an example of the mother’s response using connect and redirect:

“Mom you never leave me a note in the middle of the night and I hate homework!” “I get frustrated about things like that too. Want me to leave you a note, tonight? And I’ve got some ideas for homework, but it’s late now, so let’s talk more tomorrow.”

FullerLife is here to help you and your child face fewer crises and live more integrated lives.

 

Are you more Left-brained or Right-brained?  What about your child? Using these tools could bring insight into you and your child’s interactions.

Dr. Siegal explains, “Connect and Redirect”

 

For the other 11 Strategies from The Whole Brained Child, go to http://www.drdansiegel.com/books/the_whole_brain_child/

 

Contributed by

Angela Blocker , M.A, LMFT Associate

Clinical Supervision by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT, LPC

 

References

  • Melina, R. (2011, January 12). What’s the Difference Between the Right Brain and Left Brain? Retrieved July 18, 2016, from http://www.livescience.com/32935-whats-the-difference-between-the-right-brain-and-left-brain.html
  • McClellan, A. (2012, May 29). Tapestry Adoption & Foster Care Ministry. Retrieved August 18, 2016, from http://tapestryministry.org/whole-brain-strategy-1-connect-and-redirect/
Categories : Adolescents & Children, Parenting
Tags : adolescents, behavior, children, connection, neurobiology, parenting, parenting strategy, temper tantrums

The Shift We Need to Save Our Kids

Posted by Lesley Anne Mendonça on
 June 25, 2014

This article starts an ongoing series, titled “How To Save Our Kids”, in an attempt to support our teens and families more. Stay tuned-in to the Fuller Life Family Therapy Blog for more on this topic!  

At any given point in our human history, our culture keeps no secrets as to its ailments.  Rather, our culture mercifully shows us how it hurts through symptoms.  To face the sometimes ugly wounds of our culture is uncomfortable, to say the least.  However, if we are able to tolerate that discomfort long enough to listen, we can hear exactly where we are hurting in our societal family.  In the wake of the most recent U.S. school shooting, we are at a staggering 74 shootings since the tragic Sandy Hook shooting in December of 2012.  We, as a culture, are hurting; and our kids are taking the hit for us.

There is a rapidly growing body of literature on the shifting needs of a better state- and nation-wide mental health system, however the buck does not stop with policy makers and proper legislation.  If we trace this state of unrest and violence to the source – where do we truly find ourselves?  What drives a child or adolescent to become so angry, so alone, and so filled with fear?  A young person who is driven to an act of violence that implicates their entire school must not feel supported, encouraged or cared for.  The emotional and psychological needs of our children go by the wayside if our adults are unable to care for them.  So the issue we have on our hands is not limited to our young people, but rather implicates our entire society at large: We, as a culture, are being called to boldly reprioritize our value system and place mental health at the top.  Whether we are a parent, a relative, a teacher or simply a U.S. citizen – each of us comes into contact with adolescents and therefore bears a role.  Here are a few self-reflective questions to help us get started in reprioritizing, and responding lovingly – yet boldly – to the state of things:

How is my own mental health?  When is the last time I had a mental health check-up?  Dr. Amy Fuller, founder of Fuller Life Family Therapy, recommends routine mental health check-ups as frequent as every six months.  Every human person requires physical care, mental care and emotional care.  Can we properly support our young people if we, ourselves, are hurting?  Mental Health America (MHA) offers free initial screenings online for four of the most common pitfalls in mental health.   Check out the following ten tips from MHA on how to take care of ourselves holistically! [Click each tip for more information.]

  1. Connect with others
  2. Stay positive
  3. Get physically active
  4. Help others
  5. Get enough sleep
  6. Create joy and satisfaction
  7. Eat well
  8. Take care of your spirit
  9. Deal better with hard times
  10. Get professional help if you need it

Do I know what the typical teenager is struggling with in contemporary culture?  We, as adults, are working hard and doing what is necessary to provide for ourselves and our families.  It stands to reason that we might see this as top-priority!  However, our teenagers are busy waging wars in their social circles and within themselves.  They are learning new, and often troubling things, as they cross the bridge from childhood to adolescence.  It can be traumatic, scary and incredibly confusing.  We cannot forget to be there for our adolescents as they experience this jarring transition; this is our new priority. Issues like suicide, sex, drugs, alcohol, and social media concerns are bombarding our kid’s minds and hearts through every channel on a daily basis.  Our role as adults is to stay connected with our young people to help them feel supported and safe as they learn and grow.  Though we can only go so far to protect the minds and hearts of our young people, we can stay current with their culture and learn how it affects them.  If we are unfamiliar with what is out there – why not start boning up on pop culture and learning what is important to our kids?  The Center for Parent/Youth Understanding is a brilliant resource to begin familiarizing ourselves with what is trending in youth culture.  Though it is geared towards parents, this website has something for each of us to learn about youth culture.

How do I communicate with the young people I come into contact with?  If we want our young people to feel supported, we must learn to keep open lines of honest communication with adolescents.  Statistically speaking, roughly 20 to 40 percent of teens will experience more than one episode of depression, lasting an average of eight months within a period of two years; 70 percent of troubled teens will experience another episode before adulthood (Source: Parent Resources).  What this means to us is that – at any given time – our teens have at least one thing on their minds and hearts that has potential to bring them down.  Perhaps our teens desperately need to talk, but need the adults in their lives to be the ones to reach out.  So how do we reach out in a way that can truly reach our young ones?  We can start with these initial tips, borrowed from adolescent expert Dr. Michele Borba:

1.  Rather than multitask, give your full attention to teens when they speak to you.

2.  Practice empathy rather than advice-giving.

3.  Routinely ask if there is anything on a teens mind or heart.  If you get a wall, you can gently ask again.  Then simply let them know you are there for them.

4.  Empower teens by asking questions about their thoughts and opinions.

5.  Respect young people and the journey they are on.  Practice patient compassion for the developmental challenges teens are undergoing.

These things, though simple, can help a teen feel a sense of belonging, importance and worth – which naturally and effectively wards off lonely down-spirals of anger and frustration.  With the support of a loving and attentive adult, there is no issue that a teen cannot handle. We are living in a time when mental health needs can no longer be on the back burner, and our teens are reminding each of us of our role in helping to heal our culture.  Stay tuned into the Fuller Life Family Therapy Blog for more on how to show up for our teens!

 

Lesley Anne Mendonça

Lesley Anne Mendonça

M.A., LMFT-Associate, LPC-Intern

Supervised by Dr. Amy Fuller, LMFT-S, LPC-S

 

A Note on School Shootings:

For more information on school shootings and how to get involved, visit Stop The Shootings.  Looking for some tips on how to talk about school shootings with children?  Read up on what Dr. Gregory L. Jantz writes in Hope for Relationships for some great tools.   We, as a societal family, have an obligation to persevere in caring for one another – and that care must include emotional and psychological well-being.  We are called to make an ongoing commitment to lasting change.

 

 

Categories : Adolescents & Children, Communication, Parenting, Sticky
Tags : adolescents, adolescents and children, Empathy, parenting, self-care, teenagers

Five Simple Steps to a Meaningful Holiday Season

Posted by Lesley Anne Mendonça on
 December 3, 2013

wreathWith the start of December comes an almost audible, collective tensing-up of family members world-wide. People everywhere are forming lists of tasks to be completed and items to be bought surrounded by the pressure of a competitive timeline.  In addition, we may carry an unwritten list in our hearts of things that worry and scare us.  We want the holiday season to be a time to focus on what matters most, yet it very quickly turns into a fast-paced game of survival. It is every man for himself! Most of us can relate to this feeling to some degree. If we merely survive the holiday season, we can be left with a sense of loss as it comes to a close.

What if we take a short break from what we brace ourselves for in order to entertain what we hope for this holiday season. Perhaps we hope for reconciliation with a loved one, reflection over a particularly trying year, time spent doing the things we enjoy most, or perhaps merely hope itself. If left unmanaged, the holidays can turn our lives into nothing more than a ‘quick succession of busy nothings,’ as Jane Austen writes. When we practice managing ourselves, we can actively create the rich, profound and blessing-soaked holiday we all hope for. My hope is that these simple steps can help each of us enjoy a holiday that vividly frames our lives with meaning and purpose.

JOY

Step One: Get in touch with your hopes.  Start imagining what might bring your heart true peace this season. If you struggle in this first step, make a list of the things you value. A list might include exercise, laughter, good food, sleep, and time with a loved one or in nature. Then simply reflect on what insight your list gives you. You may find what you long for is rest, or connection, or safety. The goal here is to identify important goals and spiritual gifts that we might long for, and practice cultivating and receiving it daily.

Step Two: Guard your time. Your time is precious. It may help to budget how much time we want to spend on each task. When you reach the time limit: Stop. When we devote time to things that nurture our heart and soul, we stay connected to our meaning and purpose.  Most importantly, set aside at least five minutes each day to sit in reflection or prayer. If this is a new practice for you, try to read up on ways to mindfulness and meditation.

Step Three: Free yourself! We can be the victor over the lists, the demands, the expectations and the increasing volume of the calendar.  While we do need to carry on with our tasks, we are never to be made prisoner to them.  If we can challenge our ideas of what needs to be done, ask for help whenever possible and practice self-compassion with our limitations – we can successfully free ourselves from feeling so trapped.  Remember: We are in charge, not our lists!

Step Four:  Lower your standards. In every possible moment during the holiday season, try to distinguish between the pressing and the essential.  For example, a slightly messy kitchen may be the price for thirty minutes playing with the children or grandchildren. Consider it well worth the cost. Or perhaps we can let go of trying to do it all for everyone else in order to free up time to nurture our own weary soul.  Each of us can likely stand to loosen our grip on perfection so as to receive what matters to us so much more. A meaningful holiday season is built on quality, not quantity.  Glance back at your list of values or desired spiritual gifts, and make it a point to receive them this month.

Step Five:  Entertain a fresh perspective. So much of our holiday season is contingent on the state of our family relationships.  We can sometimes be steered into unrest by irritating family patterns.  Perhaps this year’s holiday season is even dreaded, due to very painful family complications.  Begin to respond to yourself with self-compassion and self-acceptance right in this moment, no matter the state of your family ties. Then slowly practice letting go of learned patterns. When we bring a fresh perspective to the way we see our family roles, our relationships, and ourselves, we create space to lead more fulfilling lives.  Try new ways of relating to yourself and others, and let go of the expected. If the expected shows its face, show it a new side of you.  Above all, we can always come back to self-compassion as we all muddle through the messier moments of the holidays; it often has a funny way of trickling over to other hearts as well.

There is an art to having a truly meaningful holiday season, and my prayer is that we can all have fun in the mess of learning it!  May we each welcome this holiday season with confidence, focus and peace.

 

Lesley Anne Mendonça

Lesley Anne Mendonça,

M.A., LMFT-Associate, LPC-Intern

Supervised by Dr. Amy Fuller, LMFT-S, LPC-S

Categories : Adolescents & Children, Anxiety & Panic, Anxiety Issues, Blended Families, Boundaries, Centering Prayer, Compassion, Counseling, Emotions and Relationships, Empathy, Family Therapy, Mental Health, Mindfulness Practice, Relationships, Spirituality, Sticky, Stress Management, Time Management
Tags : adolescents, anxiety, blended families, boundaries, centering prayer, children, compassion, counseling, emotions, emotions and relationships, Empathy, family therapy, mindfulness practice, panic, spirituality, stress management, time management
 FULLER LIFE LOOP
4545 Bissonnet, Suite 289, Bellaire, Texas 77401
FULLER LIFE WEST
10333 Harwin Drive Suite 375D Houston TX 77036
info@ FullerLifeFamilyTherapy.org

CALL TODAY! 

(855) 245-5433

Submit a confidential request on our HIPAA Compliant form

Scoop It
Facebook
Twitter
Linked In
Instagram
Google plus

Complete our Secure Inquiry Form:

Tags

2017 abuse acceptance ADD/ADHD Addiction addictions adolescents adolescents and children adult children adultery affair African Americans anger anger management anxiety anxiety & panic anxiety and panic anxiety issues ASD Assertiveness Attention disorders autism spectrum disorder Awareness baby baby blues behavior bipolar disorder Black in America blended families blended family body body-oriented therapy body image bonding borderline personality disorder boundaries Bowen breath work breathwork burnout burnout prevention CBT centering prayer child development children children of divorce child therapy choicemaking Christmas cognitive distortions cognitive reframing cognitive therapy Communication communications communication skills compassion conflict conflict resolution conform conformity connection core beliefs counseling counseling for couples couples Couples counseling Couples exercises creativity Critical Thinking Cultural Differences culture Curiosity death decisions defensiveness depression difference disappointment discipline diversity divorce Domestic Violence eating disorders Emotional Abuse emotional intelligence emotional regulation emotions emotions and relationships Empathy energy engaged couple engagement executive functioning expression failure faith families family family stress family therapy fear forgiveness Foster Cline George Floyd graduation gratitude grief Grief Models growth growth mindset guilt versus shame guilt vs shame habit forming habits happiness healing healthy living holiday blahs holiday blues holiday season human brain I-statements Infidelity insomnia intimacy intimacy & sex intimate partner violence Jim Fay Job Stress John Gottman kids laughter learning disabilities leisure lifestyle listening loneliness loss love major depression manipulation Marital Satisfaction marriage marriage counseling marriage expectations Marriage therapy meaning of the Holiday mental health mental health service providers mindfulness mindfulness practice misconceptions motherhood motivation Negative Sentiment Override neurobiology New Year online therapy overthink panic parental conflict parenting parenting strategy Parenting with Love and Logic patience peace perfectionism personal narrative personal power Physical Abuse physical health physical well-being Play Therapy positive engagement positive self talk Positive Sentiment Override post partum depression powerful powerlessness pregnancy Premarital Premarital counseling premarital therapy prepare/enrich presence Problem Solving procrastination productivity psychological help Racism and Grief relationship relationships relationships. couples resilience resolutions rest Romance Romantic ideas rumination school seeking treatment self-assertion self-awareness self-care Self-Care Practice self-care practices self-compassion self-control self-esteem SELF-VALIDATION (AFFIRMATIONS) self care separation sex sexual desire sexual education shame shame versus guilt shame vs guilt skills sleep sleeping disorders social media social networking social skills solitude special needs children Spiritual Abuse spirituality stepfamilies stepfamily stepparenting stress stress manage stress management success support technology teen acting out teenagers teen anger teens telehealth teletherapy temper tantrums The Human Brain therapist therapy thought paralysis time management Transitions trauma trauma and loss trust uncertainty Unemployment universal statements Valentines Day values vulnerability wait waiting wedding preparations wellness women women's anger work-life balance

Optin Form

Scoop It
Facebook
Twitter
Linked In
Instagram
Google plus

DONATE

Fuller Life Family Therapy Institute
  • Home
    • Our Story
    • Our Core Values
    • Partner with Us
    • Our Training
    • Donate
  • Info
    • Our Locations
    • New Client Forms
    • Therapy Fees
    • Information for New clients
    • Secure Inquiry Form
    • Initial Session Form
    • Telemental Health Consent Form
  • Services
    • Individual Counseling
    • Couples Counseling
    • Family Counseling
    • Counseling Kids
    • Counseling with Teens
    • Speaking Engagements
  • Team
    • Harold Gibson, Student Therapist
    • Lindsay Perry, Resident Therapist, Loop
    • Stephanie Jordan, Resident Therapist, Loop
    • Chantail Green, Resident Therapist
    • Dormetra Henry, Resident Therapist
    • Riya Roney, Resident Therapist
    • Dr. Amy Fuller, Clinical Director
  • Resources
    • Houston Sliding-Scale Therapy Agencies
    • Mental Health Resources
      • Depression
      • Anxiety
    • Local Houston Resources
      • Helpful Books
      • Personal Bill of Rights
    • Healing Practices
      • Benefits of Self-Compassion
      • Self-Care Practices
      • Self-Compassion
  • Blog
    • Blog Grid
    • Resilient Relationships
    • Befriending Anxiety
    • Dancing Through Depression
    • Growing Kids and Teens
    • Healing Practices
    • Healing Trauma and Loss
    • Living Free from Addiction
    • Managing Anger and Stress
    • Sex Therapy
    • Navigating Separation, Divorce and Blended Families
    • Mindful Eating
    • Practicing Faith
  • New Year New You Challenge
Fuller Life Family Therapy Institute | Copyright © 2021 All Rights Reserved
iThemes Builder by iThemes | Powered by WordPress