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Archive for fear

Fear and Panic: How to Take Back Control

Posted by Lesley Anne Mendonça on
 July 1, 2015
  · 1 Comment

Imagine you’re in an elevator mentally running through your list of to do’s for the day.  Suddenly, the elevator stops between floors.  The lights go dark and the alarm begins to sound.  What most people will likely experience is an element of fear or panic.

Fear is the body’s natural response to anything that is perceived as a threat, either physical or emotional.  Fear is something each of us has experienced, and is responsible for keeping us safe.  For many of us though, fear can overstep its bounds and run more of our lives than we wish.  We may develop unhelpful behaviors in response to our fear.  If left untreated, fear can begin to affect our health and relationships.

What if we were to learn to be the master of our fear, allowing it to serve us rather than rule us?  Taking back control is best done counterintuitively: We need to release control.  Mindfulness is a beautiful approach to addressing our fear, panic and anxiety. This article borrows from Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), a model of mindfulness that is proven to help with fear (Stahl & Millstine, 2013).

What Are Fear, Panic & Anxiety?

Though fear and panic seem to be synonymous, it is important to understand the difference.  According to mindfulness expert Bob Stahl, when one perceives danger, fear “serves to activate your ‘fight, flight, or freeze’ response in order to help you survive”.  This manifests as rapid breathing, elevated heart rate and blood pressure.

Panic is our body’s response to fear.  “Panic affects your body, emotions, and thoughts in extreme ways that can feel like a violent eruption.”  Extreme or chronic panic leads to feelings of terror, worry, anger, shame, inadequacy and embarrassment – and can even culminate to the feeling of going crazy or dying.

Anxiety, a very close cousin of fear and panic, is prolonged worry about threats that might be in the future. When left unsupervised, all three intermingle and can create a system of dis-ease for us.

The Unfortunate Effects

Fear and panic both affect the brain and body in ways that can be detrimental.

[Did that last sentence cause a little fear and panic?  If you’re reading this and feel alarmed, pause from reading and pay attention to your emotion.  Breathe, slowly and deeply, through the emotion for as long as you need, and then return to reading.  This is a simple example of a grounding exercise.]

When we are in a state of fear or panic, our neurological pathways change in order to respond quickly for our benefit.  According to the Center for Spirituality and Healing, chronic fear can eventually weaken our immune system, cause cardiovascular damage, gastrointestinal problems and decreased fertility.  In order to safeguard our health, it is wise that we become effective tamers of fear and panic.  But how?

What Can We Do?

Calm Our Body

If fear and panic bring our body into a state of distress, our goal is to bring ourselves back to a state of calm and peace.  MBSR highlights two main techniques to calming our body.  First is through mindful breathing, which can be done anywhere and at any time.  A second, more in-depth tool is to practice a body scan.  This enables us to pay mindful attention to our body and can teach us to manage internal feelings, including fear and panic.

Calm Our Emotion

First, mindfulness asks that we acknowledge our feelings rather than avoid them.  Research shows that naming our feelings actually calms our brain.  Once we’ve named them, we are asked not to judge them but rather to simply allow them to run their course.  Learning to ride the waves of any presenting emotion is central to mindfulness.  This means sitting in the discomfort of our emotion rather than trying to fix or change it.  The next time fear or panic shows up, practice naming and allowing the feeling to be.   Remind yourself: feelings are temporary, they will pass.

Calm Our Thoughts

As troubling thoughts arise, we can first remind ourselves: thoughts are just thoughts, and are not necessarily true.  As we continue to pay mindful attention to the thoughts that cause us fear or panic, MBSR suggests we practice: “Pause, observe/experience, allow”.  First pause what we are doing, rather than pushing through and ignoring our fear.  Then, we can mindfully observe and experience the effect of our thoughts.  Finally, and perhaps most importantly, we can allow this experience to run its course rather than fight it off.

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness teaches us to acknowledge life’s constant unpredictability.  The beauty of incorporating mindfulness into our response to fear is in recognizing that fear is a visitor that will be popping in on us from time to time.  If we cannot control that visitor, our hopeful solution can be to change our relationship to it – through mindfulness.  So keep breathing and riding the waves with peace in your heart.

Good luck in the journey!

Lesley Anne Mendonça

Lesley Anne Mendonça

M.A., LMFT-Associate, LPC-Intern

Supervised by Dr. Amy Fuller, LMFT-S, LPC-S

 

 

Stahl, B. & Millstine, W.  (2013).  Calming the rush of panic: A mindfulness-based stress reduction guide to freeing yourself from panic attacks and living a vital life.  Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

Categories : Anxiety & Panic, Anxiety Issues, Breath Work, Cognitive Reframing, Counseling, Covid-19, Emotions and Relationships, Mental Health, Mindfulness Practice, Relationships, Self-Care Practices, Sticky, Stress Management
Tags : anxiety, breathwork, cognitive reframing, fear, mindfulness, panic, relationships, stress management

Could Failure Be the Pathway to Success?

Posted by Lesley Anne Mendonça on
 January 15, 2015
  · 1 Comment

Let’s be honest, the word “failure” strikes fear in the hearts of many.  Failure can dash our hopes and steal our confidence in one fell swoop – teaching us never to try that again.

But what happens when we push through initial, or even repetitive failure?  Our perception can begin to change.  We begin to see that failure is not rigid and unyielding, but rather flexible and moldable.  Our efforts hold the potential to bring incredible victory – should we succeed. There it is. The illusion of success is falsely contingent on one delicate variable: the immediate outcome.  This tends to be how we think of success and failure – as a black and white picture of winning or losing.  We can be crushed beneath the pressure to succeed.  So how do we learn to embrace our fear?

Failure is always a potential outcome in our efforts. It is scary to consider.  But what if we could develop an entirely different perception of failure and success?  Perhaps “success” is a fictional destination where we imagine we can stop learning, trying and improving – because we have all we need.  And “failure” is the notion that we will never arrive there.  This concept is similar to a customer who walks away from an item that is too expensive, rather than negotiating a lower price.  We have a choice as to whether or not we will accept it at face value.

How Failure Helps Us

It masks itself cleverly as a villain, denying us passage.  But we can train ourselves to see it for what it really is: a helper.  It can assist us by:

– building resiliency and know-how.

– sharpening our skills and increasing our expertise.

– teaching us how we can succeed by showing us what won’t work.

– refining our sense of determination, fortitude and endurance.

How To Befriend Failure

1) Redefine success and failure.  Consider writing your own definition of failure and success, and putting it somewhere you can view it daily.  If you need some inspiration, read what others have written about the subject.

2) Allow fear to work for you.  Let your fear perform only one function: to alert you of your wants.  Often when we encounter fear, it may be because we have spotted a goal or a desire that is within reach.  Our fear may be a reaction to a desire to stretch beyond our comfort zone.  Armed with your new definition, fear can be translated into a signal meant to help you summon determination and drive.

3) Notice the bright spots.  As often as possible, make a record of anything that goes well, and any positive trait you feel developing within you as a result of failure.

As you begin the New Year, hopeful for change and success, carry with you the expectation and appreciation of your new friend, failure.  Good luck in the journey!

Lesley Anne Mendonça

Lesley Anne Mendonça

M.A., LMFT-Associate, LPC-Intern

Supervised by Dr. Amy Fuller, LMFT-S, LPC-S

Categories : Sticky
Tags : anxiety, CBT, cognitive reframing, cognitive therapy, counseling, failure, fear, motivation, relationships, success

Scary Thoughts

Posted by JenniferChristian on
 October 28, 2013

Photograph by Conor MacNeill

With Halloween around the corner, it seems like a good idea to go a little scary at Fuller Life Family Therapy. This week will be full of kids in adorable costumes, colorful candy, brightly lit pumpkins, and haunted houses. Halloween brings an element of fun to all things scary.

Most of us are already fully aware of the things that scare us. Along with ghosts and trick-or-treaters, common fears include heights, spiders, shots, and snakes. We might be surprised at the things that cause fear in others, and they might be surprised at what scares us, even our own thoughts. Our thinking actually has as much power to make us scared as a big spider.

The Threat and Self-Protection System

The brain is beautifully designed to keep us safe as it is constantly on the lookout for anything that may be dangerous.

The function of (the threat-protection system) is to detect and pick up on threats quickly and select a response, e.g., fight, flight, freeze or some other coping efforts, and give us bursts of emotions such as anxiety, anger or disgust. These feelings ripple through our bodies alerting us and urging us to take action against the threat. The system will also be activated if there are threats to people we love, our friends or our group. (Gilbert, 2010)

When danger is evident, the body is immediately flooded with chemicals and hormones that create an instantaneous reaction. In other words, we get that “scary” feeling. Our ability to protect ourselves (or run or freeze) kicks into high gear.

After the threat passes, our bodies are designed to regulate back to “normal” and relax.

Scary Thoughts

Anxiety or fearHowever, our thoughts also influence the threat processes in our brain and can hinder the body’s ability to calm itself back to normal. When we engage in self-critical or self-judgmental thinking, our body actually acts in much the same way as an actual threat.

Self-criticism appears to have a (very similar) effect on our body. When we experience a threatening situation, the flight-or fight response is triggered: the amygdala sends signals that increase blood pressure, adrenaline, and the hormone cortisol, mobilizing the strength and energy needed to confront or avoid a threat. Although this system was designed by evolution to deal with physical attacks, it is activated just as readily by emotional attacks from ourselves and others. (Neff, 2011)

In other words, negative, self-critical, or judgmental thinking stimulates the brain in the very same way as an actual threat. The body is flooded with hormones, and we are flooded with emotions to cope with the danger.

Scary Thoughts

Here are some examples of scary thoughts:

  • What if I fail?
  • No one cares.
  • I am unworthy of love.
  • It is all my fault.
  • I always mess up.
  • No one understands.
  • What if ______________________? (fill in the blank with the worst possible scenario)
  • I have to be perfect to be liked.

Courage and Compassion

Often, when “negative tapes” play in our mind, it is because our mind is working very hard to keep us safe and out of danger. Unfortunately, these thoughts can make us feel more scared, hurt, or disconnected. In order to face our fears, we need a bit of courage to practice self-compassion. Compassionate self-talk has been shown to calm the threat-detection system and allow us to be more understanding with ourselves. When we respond to ourselves with kindness and compassion, we calm our body and create space to respond courageously with our best selves.

  • Courage: being scared and practicing tools that will help us face our fears.
  • Self-Compassion: noticing our painful thoughts and responding to ourselves with care.

 Practice

Scary thinking is a habit that many of us go to when we are overwhelmed or stressed. The good news is we can learn and practice new habits that can help us calm down and de-stress. Self-compassion is one response that has been shown to calm those scary thoughts and make a real difference on how we feel inside.

For more information on self-compassion, check out our Self-Compassion Resources and also check out the books listed below.

Gilbert, Paul. (2010). Compassion Focused Therapy.

Neff, Kristin. (2011). Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind.

Tirch, Dennis. (2012). The Compassionate-Mind Guide to Overcoming Anxiety: Using Compassion-Focused Therapy to Calm Worry, Panic, and Fear.

Contributed by:

Jennifer Christian, M.A., LPC

 

 

Categories : Anxiety & Panic, Anxiety Issues, Compassion, Counseling, Mental Health, Self-Care Practices, Sticky, Stress Management, The Human Brain
Tags : anxiety, compassion, fear, panic, self-care
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  • Home
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    • New Client Forms
    • Therapy Fees
    • Information for New clients
    • Secure Inquiry Form
    • Initial Session Form
    • Telemental Health Consent Form
  • Services
    • Individual Counseling
    • Couples Counseling
    • Family Counseling
    • Counseling Kids
    • Counseling with Teens
    • Speaking Engagements
  • Team
    • Harold Gibson, Student Therapist
    • Lindsay Perry, Resident Therapist, Loop
    • Stephanie Jordan, Resident Therapist, Loop
    • Chantail Green, Resident Therapist
    • Dormetra Henry, Resident Therapist
    • Riya Roney, Resident Therapist
    • Dr. Amy Fuller, Clinical Director
  • Resources
    • Houston Sliding-Scale Therapy Agencies
    • Mental Health Resources
      • Depression
      • Anxiety
    • Local Houston Resources
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      • Personal Bill of Rights
    • Healing Practices
      • Benefits of Self-Compassion
      • Self-Care Practices
      • Self-Compassion
  • Blog
    • Blog Grid
    • Resilient Relationships
    • Befriending Anxiety
    • Dancing Through Depression
    • Growing Kids and Teens
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    • Living Free from Addiction
    • Managing Anger and Stress
    • Sex Therapy
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    • Mindful Eating
    • Practicing Faith
  • New Year New You Challenge
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