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What’s the Weather Like Inside You? Mindfulness for Kids and Adults Alike

Posted by Tamara Tatum on

February 23, 2019

At times our feelings can feel so jumbled and all over the place that it is hard to put words to all that is going on inside of us.

In these uncomfortable times, it can be easy to adopt unhealthy means of dealing with our emotions such as trying to fight against them, getting swept up in them and overidentifying with them. Learning to understand and accept our interior world is an important skill to cope with the many waves of moods that will come our way throughout life.

Understanding the inner world can be even more difficult for kids and teens who lack an adult vocabulary and understanding of emotion. However, there are many ways to help your children become aware of their internal states.

One such example is called the “Personal Weather Report” (taken from Eline Snell’s book “Sitting Still Like a Frog”). This practice can be used for ages 4 and up. You can practice this alone, with one of your children who may be going through a particularly tough time, or together as a family.

Sit down comfortably somewhere, close or half close your eyes, and take some time to determine how you are feeling right now. What is the weather like inside you? Do you feel relaxed and sunny inside? Or does it feel rainy or overcast? Is there a storm raging, perhaps? What do you notice?

Without really thinking about it too much, summon the weather report that best describes your feelings at the moment. Once you know how you are doing right now, just let it be… just as it is…; there is no need to feel or do anything differently. You cannot change the weather outside either, can you?

Stay close to this feeling for a while.

Direct your friendly and curious attention to the clouds, the clear sky, or the storm that is brewing…this is how it is right now…; like the weather, you simply cannot change a mood. Later today the weather will be completely different again…, but right now this is how things are. And that is absolutely fine. Moods change. They blow over. There is no need to take any action. What a relief.

For something to listen to, here is a link to a downloadable audio internal weather report guided meditation for children and teens aged 7 and up by Smiling Mind.

For older teens and adults, you can add depth and layers of understanding to the internal world through the use of art – visualizing and creating landscapes and weather. Here are some steps adapted from the exercise “Landscapes of Emotion” by Cohen, Barnes and Rankin:

Gather two sheets of paper and your preferred utensils (colored pencis, paints, pastels, etc.)
Imagine what type of outdoor landscape might represent your current emotional state. Are there mountains, hills, valleys, lakes trees, rocks, etc.?
Next imagine the climate or weather conditions in your landscape that corresponds to your current emotional state. Is the weather cold, cool, warm, sunny, overcast, etc?
Now, draw your imagined landscape and climate on the first sheet of paper.

After your drawing, reflect on the following questions…

How would a person feel if he or she were standing in the different areas of your landscape?
What would this person do in your landscape – seek shelter, relax, run away?
List the features in your landscape and try to match each one to one or more feelings.

Now imagine changing the first landscape you created (i.e. new features, rearrangement, change in climate). Draw the changed landscape using the second set of papers.

Repeat the reflection question in step 5 with the new landscape.
What differences or similarities do you notice in the two landscapes? Would you prefer one over the other?

This exercise can especially helpful for those who have experienced some form of trauma and are ready to move past the initial trauma coping mechanism of numbing or suppressing feelings to begin reconnecting with emotion. If you think this may apply to you, you may want to use and process this exercise in conjunction with professional therapy or counseling.

We hope these tips help you ride the waves of emotion with mindful acceptance!

References

Snell, E. (2013). Sitting Still Like a Frog.

Cohen, Barnes and Rankin. (1995). Managing Traumatic Stress Through Art.

https://smilingmind.podbean.com/e/6-my-internal-weather-7-11-years/

Contributed by

Tamara Tatum, LMFT-Associate

Tamara Tatum, Resident Therapist

Supervised by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S

Categories : Counseling

Tags : children, mindfulness, teens

Collector, Minimalist or Hoarder: Whoever Dies With The Most Toys Wins

Posted by Laura Cardella on

December 22, 2016

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What is your lifestyle? Did you arrive at this style intentionally? Or did you wake up one day asking, “Where did I get all this stuff?” Some of us are very purposeful about what we collect. We plan our lives so that we buy a house by age 25, upgrade to a bigger house by 30, and purchase a camper and boat by age 40.

The Intent to Stay Small

On the other hand, some keep their possessions so few they can pack up and move without renting a van. These are minimalists. They shop at second hand stores for their family’s clothing. They grow and consume their own produce. A bicycle is their primary transportation, using a car only for lengthier trips. Minimalists are often motivated by a prudent use of the ecosystem. They struggle to accept that “12 percent of the world’s population living in North America and Western Europe account for 60 percent of private consumption spending.”

Your Neighborhood’s Style

Within your own neighborhood, you may see signs of lifestyles affected by increasing consumption. Do you see storage units flourishing in your community? Parking lots built for extraneous boats, trailers, huge RVs being stored behind high fences?

The size and décor of homes is showcased on several Home and Garden TV series. Tiny Houses is about homes which shelter families in a space of 150 square feet or less. On the other side of the spectrum, the ubiquitous house hunting and remodeling programs showcase large homes with expensive décor.

New Careers for the 21^st Century

Our love for collecting is contributing to the flourishing professional organizing business which has sprung up worldwide in just the last 25 years, creating new niche careers.

Ellen Delap, a local certified organizer, attests to the growing popularity of people consulting organizers to make their homes more livable and less cluttered.

A Japanese organizer, Marie Kondo, is famous for her tidiness program. She began developing her method when she was a five- year-old interested in home organization. Her first book, “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up” describes a scaled down and totally tidied home life. Kondo can be seen on YouTube, Marie Kondo: “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up” | Talks at Google https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1-HMMX_NR8

Too Much of a Good Thing?

Recent television shows bring “hoarding disorder,”one of the newer mental health problems, to our attention. Television illustrates people with hoarding disorders living in the chaos of their own homes. These programs display piles of newspapers, boxes of unworn shoes or unopened toys. Piles of clothing barely leave space to walk through the home. Do you think these home owners are inundated by their offsprings’ discarded childhood treasures? Have they inherited their relations’ household furnishings and lifetime collections? Not necessarily.

Hoarding Disorder

Actually, hoarding does not require help from either of these sources. Hoarding disorder is characterized by ongoing difficulty in discarding possessions. Hoarders try to “save” the items, even though they are not needed and there isn’t adequate space for their collection. They do not perceive anything abnormal about these behaviors. Having “excessive acquisitions” is often denied by hoarders, who typically feel anxiety when others try to limit their collecting. The two to six percent of Americans and Europeans displaying hoarding symptoms are predominantly males over 55 years of age. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), 75% of hoarders also suffer from a depressive or anxiety disorder.

Downsizing

Another phase in the life of consumers is the down-sizer. These are people who are at retirement age. They no longer need to build a home for future children. This segment of the population:

Is happy with their lives and comfortable with purging any excess and,
Enjoy the freedom of having fewer possessions to keep tidy and in good repair.

On the other hand, some of them:

Live with regret for unrealized dreams.
Are not ready to step down from their leadership roles at work, in the community and church.
Are unwilling to pass the torch to younger generations.
Have declining social networks as increasing numbers of their friends and families die.
Are shifting from participant to bystander at work or in their communities.
After downsizing their possessions they may opt for the convenience of apartment or senior community living.

What’s your lifestyle? Have you arrived at this intentionally? Are you content with your circumstances? Do you allow others to enjoy their own way of life, although it may differ from yours?

Perhaps you might take time to consider which category best describes your lifestyle. If you find you or someone you care about needs help with hoarding, here are some resources that may be helpful.

This holiday season may highlight the differences between family and friends’ various styles of living and giving. You will be challenged as you try to buy the perfect gift for those having different styles than your own. If you are a minimalist who objects to wastefulness, your values may clash with those who are not mindful of over consumption. And as a minimalist receives gifts, they may have to bite their tongue while receiving the gift offerings of their friends who are collectors. Whatever your circumstance, let us remember, “Peace on earth to all!”

Laura is an LPC-Intern, under supervision of Dr. Amy Fuller, LPC-S, in Houston, Texas.

fullerlifefamilytherapy.0rg

Categories : Counseling, Lifestyle, Social Skills, transitions

Tags : acceptance, anxiety, mental health, mindfulness, self-awareness

Inner Conflict: The Refining Fire

Posted by Shani Bell on

September 13, 2016

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Heartburn?

People tend to think of internal conflict as torturous personal turmoil. A big decision must be made or a circumstance must be handled. You wrestle with yourself in the middle of the night and feverishly try pushing uncomfortable thoughts out of your mind all day. You view the internal conflict, itself, as the problem and you struggle against it or try to ignore it. But imagine how your experience might be different if you consciously and compassionately acknowledged the presence of differing opinions within yourself?

The healthiest way to respond to nagging discomfort of inner conflict is to face it. By facing inner conflict, you have the opportunity to gain a strengthened sense of self, better problem-solving skills, increased authenticity, more self-compassion and increased integrity. But there’s no need to gather weapons and scream your battle cry. The conflict is not the enemy. Think of it like a puzzle that requires mindful and nonjudgmental investigation.

Or Friendly Fire…

Linda Adams, President of Gordon Training International, says that when we truly look at our inner conflict, without judgment, and commit to healthy resolution, we become more of our authentic selves and more aware of our needs.

One way to approach inner conflict is to:

Make a list or chart of the varying options with which you are struggling.
Beside each, list the reasons why you would find this option valuable
Then list the perceived consequences or opportunity costs for each option

Now you have externalized your inner conflict so that you can take a more objective view. As you investigate, you might notice that you are considering certain options because they are what you “should” do. From Dr. Miki Kashtan’s perspective, this implies the presence of an externally imposed value from sources like your community, friends or family. You might notice that these do not exactly mesh with values that are authentic to you. The result is the discomfort of conflict. As you mindfully consider your inner conflict, you might find other sources of discomfort such as fear, unmet needs or perceived personal limitations. Whatever needs, values and insights are discovered, allow yourself the space and compassion to honestly acknowledge them.

When you become more aware of the sources of your conflict, you gain clarity about what is important to you. Only then can you make choices from a position of self-awareness. Many times the push and pull of personal decision making comes from our view that for any one problem, there are two possible,and polar opposite choices. “I will go to work or I will call in sick and go to the game” for example. It becomes an either/or dilemma. Dr. Kashtan highlights the limitations of either/or thinking, which gives the impression that sacrifice of one need or another is always necessary to resolve inner conflict. She instead proposes devising a strategy that allows you to attend to as many needs and values as possible. By investigating your desire to go to the game, you uncover a need to fully experience and enjoy life. You also value integrity which leads to uneasiness about lying to your boss. Knowing this, is it possible to find an event that allows you to enjoy life while maintaining your integrity and going to work?

Addressing internal conflict while making life decisions can become a complex adventure. If you need help finding your way, consider contacting a mental health professional in your area.

Categories : Anxiety & Panic, Anxiety Issues, Counseling, Emotional Intelligence, Mental Health, Mindfulness Practice, Problem Solving, Self-Care Practices, Stress Management

Tags : anxiety issues, counseling, emotional intelligence, mental health, mindfulness, Problem Solving, self-care practices, stress management

Picture This! How to Get What You Dream

Posted by Shani Bell on

May 10, 2016

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Vision boards can be helpful for people who are looking to discover, clarify or focus on their future goals. Creating a visual representation of things you want to achieve, and setting it before you, helps you create a habit of daily focus.

Such daily focus can inspire, encourage, and remind you to take regular steps towards your success. An earlier blog described the problem-solving benefits of creating a collage. The same principle applies to creating vision boards to clarify future goals.

Steps to a Brighter Future

Gather supplies: Magazines, scissors, glue, poster board and markers. Additional supplies like paint, scrapbook materials, glitter, etc. are optional, but add pizzazz.

Spend a little time meditating, praying or journaling about the direction of your life or the particular area for which you are setting goals. Your vision may include career goals, business ventures, hopes for family and relationships, spirituality or travel. Open yourself up to huge possibilities while being realistic. Set a reasonable number of goals, preferably no more than 5, that are workable and achievable. Be specific. Instead of thinking, “I want to be more charitable,” think about what being charitable looks like. What causes are important to you? How will you give your time and other resources? Goals can be long-term or short-term. You may consider creating such a board in place of annual resolutions.

Next, start skimming through magazines and clippings. Pull out images that speak to you and connect with your vision. You can be symbolic or literal here, whatever helps you visualize the dreams and goals seeking. If you’re spiritual, you can ask for direction. As you pull the images out, start arranging them or just set them aside until you feel that you have found all the ones you need.

Now assemble the images on your board. If you are representing several areas of goals, you may want to divide the board into different sections and label each (i.e. Spiritual Growth, Family, Finances, etc.). When you’ve settled on the design and arrangement, glue them down. Add labels, paint, glitter – or just keep it simple. It’s YOUR vision board. Make it a reflection of you.

Make it Work

Creating the vision board is just the FIRST step. The key is to place this visible reminder in an area where you will see it daily. Consider taking a picture of the vision board and using it as a screensaver on your computer or mobile devices. But don’t just look at it.

It is not enough to simply look at what you create and lose yourself in the daydream about someday. Invest yourself in the vision you set before you by making a step towards it daily. If you’re looking to take more family vacations, let the vision board remind you to research and plan for the next trip. If your vision is to make a career change, see your vision board as a reminder to sign up for college courses or motivate you to send out your resume every day. After you create the vision board, work the vision!

To keep yourself motivated as you achieve goals, you can even use the vision board as a checklist. Place check marks, stick pins or cross out met goals. Add quotes, scriptures or words of affirmation to help encourage you on the journey.

Would you like someone to help you work towards finding direction and focus for your life? Contact one of our Resident Therapists at Fuller Life Family Therapy Institute.

Shani Bell, MAAT, LPC-Intern

Supervised by Dr. Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S, LPC-S and Dr. Sheryl Corbit, EdD, ATR-BC, LPC-AT/S

Categories : Counseling, Mental Health, Mindfulness Practice, Problem Solving, Self-Care Practices, Self-Validation (affirmations), Sticky, Time Management

Tags : counseling, mental health, mindfulness, mindfulness practice, Problem Solving, Self-Care Practice, time management

Add Flavor to Mindfulness with Color and Music?

Posted by Shani Bell on

March 15, 2016

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There has been much focus lately on the benefits of mindfulness, a practice that encourages focused attention and self-acceptance in the present moment. You may know about mindfulness through methods like meditation, prayer and yoga. But what might happen to your mindfulness practice if you added a little art or music?

Why Try Mindfulness?

Why practice mindfulness in the first place? Research shows that mindfulness increases focus and can decrease symptoms related to stress, anxiety, fatigue, depression, chronic pain, sleep problems and high blood pressure. Baer informs us that mindfulness encourages people to focus on present thoughts and emotions in a way that is accepting and curious rather than judgmental. Being hypercritical of thoughts and emotions can cause us to push them away increasing stress and tension. We find ourselves saying things like, “Ugh! I shouldn’t feel this way!” It is better to acknowledge thoughts and feelings for what they are and begin the process of self-regulation. With mindfulness, we increase our present, personal and environmental awareness. We can then take the opportunity to curiously observe and honestly observe our inner experience, labeling what is happening, accepting it as it is and then releasing it with a prayer or meditative statement.

Artful Awareness

Therapeutic approaches like Mindfulness-Based Art Therapy (MBAT) have found similarities between creative and mindfulness practices. These two practices can be combined to enhance their effectiveness. Activities like drawing, playing an instrument, listening to music or writing poetry require single-task concentration that reflects the same sort of present-awareness needed to participate in mindfulness.

Consider this. When an artist draws her subject, she must observe it closely, recognizing the shape and position of the subject, noticing the folds and creases. She would not be likely to see these details if she were just observing that same thing in passing. With a mindful stance she can more adequately depict the subject of her art. The more the artist practices this type of art, the more she finds her ability to “see” improves. In learning to play music, the body and mind are fully engaged in the singular task of creating sound. The fingers are positioned, the body is postured and the mind is alert. The more the musician practices, the more natural his movements and the flow of music become.

When incorporating the arts into mindfulness practice, skill level in playing music or creating artwork is not the focus. The intention is to use the creative process to stay engaged and increase the focus on the present experience: what you see, think, hear and how you are inwardly responding. Use the art as an anchor to maintain present focus when the mind starts to wander.

So, what are some examples of ways you could incorporate creativity into your mindfulness practice?

Try blind contour drawing. Choose a drawing utensil (marker, pencil, chalk, etc.) and a piece of paper. Find a subject in your environment and focus in on it. While your eyes trace the lines and shapes of the subject, move your drawing utensil in unison, drawing one contiguous line but WITHOUT looking at your paper. This exercise requires deep concentration. To process troubling emotions, try finding a subject that is related to the issue at hand. For example, if you are having a disagreement with a family member that is causing you distress, find a picture of that person and use this as the subject of your contour drawing. Allow yourself to be non-judgmentally present with any feelings that may arise. You might even try journaling after the exercise. Couples could practice present awareness with each other by creating a blind contour drawing of their partner.

Blind contour drawing of a hand

Find time alone to play an instrument like the drums or the piano. Try closing your eyes while playing and improvising or playing by ear. As you do this, observe the changes in your bodily responses as well as what emotions or imagery come up for you during this creative experience.

If you do not have access to an instrument or do not feel musically inclined, you can listen to music mindfully. Choose a particular song or genre of music to which you feel connected. Pay attention to the characteristics of the song: beat, changes in tempo, harmony, melody, etc. Notice how the visceral responses in your body and emotions respond. Identify the mood of the song and how this connects to your inner experience. If the song has lyrics, notice what words or verses stand out to you.

There are a myriad of ways that the arts can be used to engage your senses and keep you inspired to stay present. Be creative and find what works for you. As you develop a lifestyle of mindfulness, you will likely find a deeper understanding of yourself and a greater sense of the world around you.

If you are seeking a professional to help you to gain awareness and personal insight, please contact us at Fuller Life Family Therapy Institute.

Shani Bell, MAAT, LPC-Intern

Supervised by Dr. Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S, LPC-S and Dr. Sheryl Corbit, EdD, ATR-BC, LPC-AT/S

References

Baer, R. A. (2003). Mindfulness training as a clinical intervention: A conceptual and empirical review. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 10, 125–143. Retrieved from http://www.ecsa.ucl.ac.be/personnel/philippot/DocStudents/baer%202003%20mindfulness%20training%20as%20clinical%20intervention.pdf

Eckhardt, K. J. and Dinsmore, J. A. (2012). Mindful music listening as a potential treatment for depression. Journal of Creativity in Mental Health, 7, 176-186. Retrieved from http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15401383.2012.685020

Grant, A. M., Langer, E. J., Falk, E. & Capodilupo, C. (2004). Mindful creativity: Drawing to draw distinctions. Creativity Research Journal, 16, 261-265. Retrieved from http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/10400419.2004.9651457

Monti, D. A., Peterson, C., Shakin Kunkel, E. J., Hauck, W. W., Pequignot, E., Rhodes, L., & Brainard, G. C. (2006). A randomized, controlled trial of Mindfulness-Based Art Therapy (MBAT) for women with cancer. Psycho-Oncology, 15, 363–373. Retrieved from http://www.mindfullart.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/Controlled-Triall-2005.pdf

Oyan, S. (2006). Mindfulness meditation: Creative musical performance through awareness. Retrieved from http://etd.lsu.edu/docs/available/etd-03312006-164516/unrestricted/Oyan_dis.pdf

Categories : Anxiety & Panic, Counseling, Depression, Mental Health, Mindfulness Practice, Self-Care Practices, Sticky, Stress Management

Tags : anxiety, anxiety and panic, counseling, depression, emotional intelligence, mental health, mindfulness, mindfulness practice, self-care, Self-Care Practice, self-care practices, stress management

Can Anger Be Your Ally?

Posted by Lesley Anne Mendonça on

August 14, 2015

· No Comments

We, as human beings, pursue happiness and joy. We naturally gravitate towards things and people that elicit positive emotions. There’s no question that we prefer to experience our positive emotions, and naturally avoid the negative ones. Some might wonder, “Is our goal to reach a point in life when we only experience positive emotions? Or do our negative emotions serve an essential purpose?”

The negative emotions, chiefly anger, keep us alive by having a correctional function. Consider the last time you got angry. Matthew Hutson, author of Beyond Happiness: The Upside of Feeling Down, says “Anger results when we feel undervalued.” Anger is an alert that warns us when something needs to change. Anger can often prompt us to do and say things that we wouldn’t normally do, which leads us to feel as though we are out of control. Consequently, most of us develop one of two unhealthy relationships with anger. Either we give anger full control, allowing it to progress into rage and hijack our body and our relationships. Or, as soon as anger shows its face, we’re already beating it back and trying to drown out its voice it with optimistic denial. There is a better, more balanced, relationship to be had with anger, however. Once we understand the function of anger, we can more easily hear its message without letting it control us.

Mindful Management

There is a wealth of information on the art of anger management. If you struggle with anger management, mindfulness is a wonderful place to start. Lama Surya Das explains some simple steps to mindful anger-management and intentional responsiveness. If you want to wade deeper into the water of the mindful anger practice, consider reading Mindful Anger: A Pathway to Emotional Freedom by Andrea Brandt.

Listen & Learn

Since anger serves a useful function, it possesses intrinsic value to our daily decision making. Once you’ve learned to manage the initial urgency of anger, practice listening to its present function. Anger is often alerting us that something needs to change: either externally or internally, or both. We can adjust our expectations and grow while also asserting a need for external change. As you listen to the message anger has, remember to remain mindful!

Effective Expression

When we experience anger, we develop a surplus of energy within our body that needs to be expressed. With all of this mindful management of anger, we still need a constructive outlet for our anger. Make a list of activities you can engage in that appropriately release your angry energy. Exercise is a wonderful way to release a build-up of angry energy. If you’re tight on time, consider just doing ten push-up’s and returning to your day. You can learn to channel built-up energy into your daily tasks, as well. For instance, tearing up a newspaper before you recycle it. Once you’ve physically expressed your anger in a constructive way, you will have more composure and clarity as you take steps to assert yourself. When finding healthy ways to express angry energy, be aware of not allowing it to become harmful to you or anyone else. Read up on tips for healthy conflict resolution to improve how you collaborate with others for change.

When anger next appears, remember to work consciously to change your relationship to it. If you are able to see that anger has value and function, you will be able to operate as a more whole-hearted and effective person.

Good luck in the journey!

Lesley Anne Mendonça

M.A., LMFT-Associate, LPC-Intern

Supervised by Dr. Amy Fuller, LMFT-S, LPC-S

Categories : Anger Management, Communication, Counseling, Mindfulness Practice, Parenting, Relationships, Social Skills, Sticky, Stress Management

Tags : anger, anger management, Communication, conflict resolution, mindfulness, relationships

Fear and Panic: How to Take Back Control

Posted by Lesley Anne Mendonça on

July 1, 2015

· 1 Comment

Imagine you’re in an elevator mentally running through your list of to do’s for the day. Suddenly, the elevator stops between floors. The lights go dark and the alarm begins to sound. What most people will likely experience is an element of fear or panic.

Fear is the body’s natural response to anything that is perceived as a threat, either physical or emotional. Fear is something each of us has experienced, and is responsible for keeping us safe. For many of us though, fear can overstep its bounds and run more of our lives than we wish. We may develop unhelpful behaviors in response to our fear. If left untreated, fear can begin to affect our health and relationships.

What if we were to learn to be the master of our fear, allowing it to serve us rather than rule us? Taking back control is best done counterintuitively: We need to release control. Mindfulness is a beautiful approach to addressing our fear, panic and anxiety. This article borrows from Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), a model of mindfulness that is proven to help with fear (Stahl & Millstine, 2013).

What Are Fear, Panic & Anxiety?

Though fear and panic seem to be synonymous, it is important to understand the difference. According to mindfulness expert Bob Stahl, when one perceives danger, fear “serves to activate your ‘fight, flight, or freeze’ response in order to help you survive”. This manifests as rapid breathing, elevated heart rate and blood pressure.

Panic is our body’s response to fear. “Panic affects your body, emotions, and thoughts in extreme ways that can feel like a violent eruption.” Extreme or chronic panic leads to feelings of terror, worry, anger, shame, inadequacy and embarrassment – and can even culminate to the feeling of going crazy or dying.

Anxiety, a very close cousin of fear and panic, is prolonged worry about threats that might be in the future. When left unsupervised, all three intermingle and can create a system of dis-ease for us.

The Unfortunate Effects

Fear and panic both affect the brain and body in ways that can be detrimental.

[Did that last sentence cause a little fear and panic? If you’re reading this and feel alarmed, pause from reading and pay attention to your emotion. Breathe, slowly and deeply, through the emotion for as long as you need, and then return to reading. This is a simple example of a grounding exercise.]

When we are in a state of fear or panic, our neurological pathways change in order to respond quickly for our benefit. According to the Center for Spirituality and Healing, chronic fear can eventually weaken our immune system, cause cardiovascular damage, gastrointestinal problems and decreased fertility. In order to safeguard our health, it is wise that we become effective tamers of fear and panic. But how?

What Can We Do?

Calm Our Body

If fear and panic bring our body into a state of distress, our goal is to bring ourselves back to a state of calm and peace. MBSR highlights two main techniques to calming our body. First is through mindful breathing, which can be done anywhere and at any time. A second, more in-depth tool is to practice a body scan. This enables us to pay mindful attention to our body and can teach us to manage internal feelings, including fear and panic.

Calm Our Emotion

First, mindfulness asks that we acknowledge our feelings rather than avoid them. Research shows that naming our feelings actually calms our brain. Once we’ve named them, we are asked not to judge them but rather to simply allow them to run their course. Learning to ride the waves of any presenting emotion is central to mindfulness. This means sitting in the discomfort of our emotion rather than trying to fix or change it. The next time fear or panic shows up, practice naming and allowing the feeling to be. Remind yourself: feelings are temporary, they will pass.

Calm Our Thoughts

As troubling thoughts arise, we can first remind ourselves: thoughts are just thoughts, and are not necessarily true. As we continue to pay mindful attention to the thoughts that cause us fear or panic, MBSR suggests we practice: “Pause, observe/experience, allow”. First pause what we are doing, rather than pushing through and ignoring our fear. Then, we can mindfully observe and experience the effect of our thoughts. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, we can allow this experience to run its course rather than fight it off.

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness teaches us to acknowledge life’s constant unpredictability. The beauty of incorporating mindfulness into our response to fear is in recognizing that fear is a visitor that will be popping in on us from time to time. If we cannot control that visitor, our hopeful solution can be to change our relationship to it – through mindfulness. So keep breathing and riding the waves with peace in your heart.

Good luck in the journey!

Lesley Anne Mendonça

M.A., LMFT-Associate, LPC-Intern

Supervised by Dr. Amy Fuller, LMFT-S, LPC-S

Stahl, B. & Millstine, W. (2013). Calming the rush of panic: A mindfulness-based stress reduction guide to freeing yourself from panic attacks and living a vital life. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

Categories : Anxiety & Panic, Anxiety Issues, Breath Work, Cognitive Reframing, Counseling, Emotions and Relationships, Mental Health, Mindfulness Practice, Relationships, Self-Care Practices, Sticky, Stress Management

Tags : anxiety, breathwork, cognitive reframing, fear, mindfulness, panic, relationships, stress management

Parenthood: The Power of Breathing

Posted by JenniferChristian on

April 7, 2014

Parenthood is an adventure. Each day brings new challenges and new surprises. We can feel exhilarated one moment and the very next minute we may feel overwhelmed. One of the most important things we can do is remember to breathe. A few deep breaths create a little cushion of space to think over how to best respond.

When we do not give ourselves a few moments to calm down, we cannot connect with the reasonable, logical part of our brain. Our parenting hopes and goals are stored in this area of the brain. It is difficult to think at all. This inability to think can create even more frustration and little options. We may end up yelling or reacting too harshly when we feel pressured to act right away. Acting while we are emotionally escalated is somewhat like shaking up a snow globe. It becomes more and more blizzard-like the more agitated it gets. We cannot see clearly.

In the following video, Dr. Daniel Siegel uses a simple model to show how the brain disconnects, or “flips it’s lid” when overstressed.

Dr Daniel Siegel Presenting a Hand Model of the Brain

Take a Breath

Can we give ourselves permission pause for a moment and breathe? Deep breath connects us instantly to the calming mechanisms of our body. “As it turns out, deep breathing is not only relaxing, it’s been scientifically proven to affect the heart, the brain, digestion, and the immune system.” (Cuda, 2010) When we take a few deep breaths, we give a signal to the body that it is okay to calm down. Our brain reacts just like the snow globe. We set the snow globe down, the snow settles, and we can now see clearly. When we are able to pause and take a breath, we reconnect to the front part of our brain and lessen the pressure to have to act right away. This space opens up more options in how we want to respond to our children.

We can even share this little breathing space with our children. When we are upset, or our children are upset, practice breathing together. This practice can teach our children how to calm themselves, too. Here is a simple breathing exercise we can do anywhere:

Ten Count Breathing

Breathe in and say, “Breathe in, one.”
Breathe out and say, “Breathe out, one.”
Repeat with consecutive numbers (2,3,4,5, etc.) until 10.
Notice any shift in the body’s stress level. Notice any shift in your child.

This breathing exercise can easily be used anytime, anywhere, and for any type of stressful situation such as work, traffic, and even relationship conflict. As we breath deeply, we calm ourselves and are able to see more clearly. We open up the ability to respond with more care for ourselves and others.

For more great resources on parenting, check out Fuller Life’s on-line parenting magazine, Growing Kids and Teens. Also, check out our Counseling Kids and Counseling with Teens pages for more resources and support.

Cuda, Gretchen. (2010). Just Breathe: Body Has A Built-In Stress Reliever: http://www.npr.org/2010/12/06/131734718/just-breathe-body-has-a-built-in-stress-reliever

Contributed by:

Jennifer Christian, M.A., LPC

Categories : Adolescents & Children, Breath Work, Emotions and Relationships, Parenting, Self-Care Practices, Sticky, Stress Management

Tags : adolescents and children, breath work, emotions and relationships, mindfulness, parenting, self-care practices

The Superpower of Self-Awareness

Posted by Lesley Anne Mendonça on

February 5, 2014

We live in an age of self-awareness; it is an age in which we have the capability to monitor and measure our daily living. We are surrounded by means to quantify our existence: Scales for our weight, programs for measuring food intake, mobile apps to balance spending, trackers of all kinds for things like physical activity and sleep. But are these measurements descriptive of the whole human person? Our existence is not limited to our physical presence in the world, but also our emotional and spiritual presence. To be fully aware of who we are is truly a process that serves a great purpose. Abounding research proves that having full awareness of who we are leads to much greater self-efficacy (Mattingly & Lewandowski, 2013).

Simply put, self-awareness enables us to live more powerfully and effectively in our world. We develop the capability to understand the roots of our recurring issues so that our relationships enjoy increased functioning and freedom. The Dalai Lama says that, “to have greater self-awareness or understanding means to have a better grasp of reality;” our increased grasp of reality serves as a superpower for a fully enjoyed life with no (or at least minimal) blind spots!

The Body

When we consider how to become more aware of ourselves, a wonderful place to start is in our body. At what points during the day do we feel increased heart rates or muscle tension? Can we catch ourselves growing fidgety? Are there times when we experience more headaches and upset stomachs? Where are we when we experience increased or decreased relaxation in our body? This practice is separate from merely measuring quantitatively; this type of awareness leads to increased emotional and spiritual health. Moving forward from here, we can begin asking “why” and noticing patterns.

The Mind

Another great way to increase self-awareness is to begin noticing our thought patterns. It is a common tendency to occasionally think in negative and distorted ways, which can have powerful effects on how we feel. The task here is to challenge some of the false assumptions we make about ourselves and our world. This process is called cognitive restructuring. Dr. Alice Boyes offers a few steps to challenging some of our automatic thoughts. We can practice noticing when cognitive distortions arise and track the accuracy of our thoughts. And we can even go further by behaviorally testing the legitimacy of our thoughts or assumptions. One of the greatest priorities in gaining awareness of our thoughts and assumptions is considering our early environment and its effect on us. For example, what unspoken rules did we learn about our world and ourselves? The insight we gain informs us on how we got to where we stand today. Often, as adults, we generalize the rules we learned in our early environment to the whole world. However, there is great benefit in reevaluating what rules might no longer be helpful to us. Our thoughts hold strong power over our emotions and behaviors, often leaving us feeling a bit out of control; however, awareness places the power back in our own hands.

The Soul

Finally, we can become aware of our emotional climate, and how it affects who we are in our world. Dr. Harold Duncan describes emotional self-awareness as “the ability to maintain self-reflectiveness even amidst turbulent emotions”. So we can start by asking ourselves: When is the last time I had a strong emotional reaction to something? What insight can I draw from that memory? Throughout the process of understanding our emotions, we begin to change the relationship we have with ourselves to a far more positive and encouraging one. Rather than chaotically responding to our environment, we can use our awareness to respond with wisdom and compassion to ourselves while considering our unique needs. We become the insightful owners of our emotion when we gain that precious awareness. As we continue surveying our emotional inner landscape, we can gently ask ourselves questions such as: What do I expect of myself? What do I expect of my relationships? What types of relationships do I gravitate towards? What upsets me? What are my strengths and weaknesses and how does good come from both? What would others say are my areas of improvement? What nourishes my soul? And one can always play around with the question, “Where does this come from?” for further insight.

Though seemingly daunting at first, increasing self-awareness can be an ongoing and fun journey. The goal in gaining self-awareness is not to be perfect, but rather to be accepting of who we are and thus become more impactful individuals. This practice bears fruit in the most powerful way: we are able to become powerful instruments in the world by fully utilizing every imperfect part of us. What’s more, learning this provides wonderful ground for being compassionate and accepting of others – thus enriching our relationships. Awareness is the powerful first step to finding freedom from whatever ails us. It must, however, go hand-in-hand with self-compassion. So if, along the journey, one finds he might need a little help – there is always support. For those of us who have had upbringings with trauma, it can be a bit scarier to confront the details of our childhood and adolescence. But rest assured, there is always hope. For more tips on how to bravely increase your self-awareness, check out author Lori Deschene’s thoughts. Enjoy the journey!

Becker-Phelps, L. (2013). All self-improvement starts here. Psychology Today. Retrieved from: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/making-change/201308/all-self-improvement-starts-here

Mattingly, B.A. & Lewandowski, G.W. (2013). An expanded self is a more capable self: The association between self-concept size and self-efficacy. Self & Identity, 12(6), 621-634.

Lesley Anne Mendonça,

M.A., LMFT-Associate, LPC-Intern

Supervised by Dr. Amy Fuller, LMFT-S, LPC-S

Categories : Emotional Intelligence, Mindfulness Practice, Self-Awareness, Self-Esteem, Sticky

Tags : acceptance, Awareness, compassion, mindfulness

Archive for mindfulness

What’s the Weather Like Inside You? Mindfulness for Kids and Adults Alike

Inner Conflict: The Refining Fire

Picture This! How to Get What You Dream

Add Flavor to Mindfulness with Color and Music?

Fear and Panic: How to Take Back Control

What Are Fear, Panic & Anxiety?

The Unfortunate Effects

What Can We Do?

Calm Our Body

Calm Our Emotion

Calm Our Thoughts

Practice Mindfulness

Parenthood: The Power of Breathing

Dr Daniel Siegel Presenting a Hand Model of the Brain

The Superpower of Self-Awareness

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Archive for mindfulness

The Intent to Stay Small

Your Neighborhood’s Style

New Careers for the 21st Century

Too Much of a Good Thing?

Hoarding Disorder

Downsizing

What Are Fear, Panic & Anxiety?

The Unfortunate Effects

What Can We Do?

Calm Our Body

Calm Our Emotion

Calm Our Thoughts

Practice Mindfulness

Dr Daniel Siegel Presenting a Hand Model of the Brain

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