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Archive for panic

7 Mistakes You Make in Your Discomfort Zone that Limit Your Growth and How to Stop Making Them

Posted by Angela Blocker on
 June 30, 2016
  · No Comments

If you were polled about your favorite thing to do, chances are you would not say discomfort. Why? It’s no surprise that human nature is to seek pleasure and avoid pain. The trouble is true pleasure is not devoid of pain and all the meaningful good stuff happens outside your comfort zone.

Michael Hyatt, New York Times bestselling author, professional career coach and former CEO of Thomas Nelson publishing company, discusses with colleague Stu Mclaren seven things preventing growth in the discomfort zone and how to overcome them.

1. Not knowing the value of discomfort.

Understand that the discomfort leads to growth. Relationship expert Dr. David Schnarch developed a growth cycle diagram(below) that includes periods of comfort and anxiety. Remaining in the comfort cycle inevitably leads to boredom. Humans thrive when there is novelty and challenge.

2. Leaning away from anxiety.

Natural instinct is to retreat. Melanie Greenberg describes how our brains naturally dislike unpredictability, change and uncertainty. However, over time these feelings of uncertainty become less threatening. Train your brain to value change by putting yourself in situations with an appropriate level of risk.

3. Running from fear.

This is sometimes something that happens unconsciously to us, and we go with the drift of the fear instead of just mindfully noticing it. Feel the urge to retreat and the thoughts corresponding with the feeling. Instead of running from it, become aware of it and go with it. Allow the fear.

4. Overthinking it.

The late Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, former chair of psychology at Yale University, performed extensive research showing that overthinking leads people to remain fixated on the problems and on their feelings about them without taking action.

5. Giving half-heartedly.

Imagine you are going into a cold swimming pool. Michael Hyatt explains putting one toe in at a time is only prolonging the agony. New York Time bestselling author H. Jackson Brown Jr. said, “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” Take the plunge.

6. Minimizing the victory.

Studies show you are more likely to repeat a behavior if you are rewarded. Rewards release dopamine your brain’s internal feel good chemical which serves to reinforce behavior. Celebrate your hard work.

7. Rushing to the next thing.

Actively taking time to pause and reflect on the challenge and success of your experience gives it meaning and becomes an experiential well to draw from for future anxiety provoking events. Journaling is a great way to reflect.

The result: Growth with confidence as a byproduct.

Stuck in a rut? Test your current level of comfort.

Fuller Life is here to help you embrace the discomfort in your life as an avenue for growth.

Contributed by

Angela Blocker , M.A, LMFT Associate

Clinical Supervision by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT, LPC

 

Categories : Anxiety & Panic, Counseling, Mental Health, Problem Solving, Sticky
Tags : acceptance, anxiety, mental health, panic, Problem Solving, trust

Fear and Panic: How to Take Back Control

Posted by Lesley Anne Mendonça on
 July 1, 2015
  · 1 Comment

Imagine you’re in an elevator mentally running through your list of to do’s for the day.  Suddenly, the elevator stops between floors.  The lights go dark and the alarm begins to sound.  What most people will likely experience is an element of fear or panic.

Fear is the body’s natural response to anything that is perceived as a threat, either physical or emotional.  Fear is something each of us has experienced, and is responsible for keeping us safe.  For many of us though, fear can overstep its bounds and run more of our lives than we wish.  We may develop unhelpful behaviors in response to our fear.  If left untreated, fear can begin to affect our health and relationships.

What if we were to learn to be the master of our fear, allowing it to serve us rather than rule us?  Taking back control is best done counterintuitively: We need to release control.  Mindfulness is a beautiful approach to addressing our fear, panic and anxiety. This article borrows from Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), a model of mindfulness that is proven to help with fear (Stahl & Millstine, 2013).

What Are Fear, Panic & Anxiety?

Though fear and panic seem to be synonymous, it is important to understand the difference.  According to mindfulness expert Bob Stahl, when one perceives danger, fear “serves to activate your ‘fight, flight, or freeze’ response in order to help you survive”.  This manifests as rapid breathing, elevated heart rate and blood pressure.

Panic is our body’s response to fear.  “Panic affects your body, emotions, and thoughts in extreme ways that can feel like a violent eruption.”  Extreme or chronic panic leads to feelings of terror, worry, anger, shame, inadequacy and embarrassment – and can even culminate to the feeling of going crazy or dying.

Anxiety, a very close cousin of fear and panic, is prolonged worry about threats that might be in the future. When left unsupervised, all three intermingle and can create a system of dis-ease for us.

The Unfortunate Effects

Fear and panic both affect the brain and body in ways that can be detrimental.

[Did that last sentence cause a little fear and panic?  If you’re reading this and feel alarmed, pause from reading and pay attention to your emotion.  Breathe, slowly and deeply, through the emotion for as long as you need, and then return to reading.  This is a simple example of a grounding exercise.]

When we are in a state of fear or panic, our neurological pathways change in order to respond quickly for our benefit.  According to the Center for Spirituality and Healing, chronic fear can eventually weaken our immune system, cause cardiovascular damage, gastrointestinal problems and decreased fertility.  In order to safeguard our health, it is wise that we become effective tamers of fear and panic.  But how?

What Can We Do?

Calm Our Body

If fear and panic bring our body into a state of distress, our goal is to bring ourselves back to a state of calm and peace.  MBSR highlights two main techniques to calming our body.  First is through mindful breathing, which can be done anywhere and at any time.  A second, more in-depth tool is to practice a body scan.  This enables us to pay mindful attention to our body and can teach us to manage internal feelings, including fear and panic.

Calm Our Emotion

First, mindfulness asks that we acknowledge our feelings rather than avoid them.  Research shows that naming our feelings actually calms our brain.  Once we’ve named them, we are asked not to judge them but rather to simply allow them to run their course.  Learning to ride the waves of any presenting emotion is central to mindfulness.  This means sitting in the discomfort of our emotion rather than trying to fix or change it.  The next time fear or panic shows up, practice naming and allowing the feeling to be.   Remind yourself: feelings are temporary, they will pass.

Calm Our Thoughts

As troubling thoughts arise, we can first remind ourselves: thoughts are just thoughts, and are not necessarily true.  As we continue to pay mindful attention to the thoughts that cause us fear or panic, MBSR suggests we practice: “Pause, observe/experience, allow”.  First pause what we are doing, rather than pushing through and ignoring our fear.  Then, we can mindfully observe and experience the effect of our thoughts.  Finally, and perhaps most importantly, we can allow this experience to run its course rather than fight it off.

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness teaches us to acknowledge life’s constant unpredictability.  The beauty of incorporating mindfulness into our response to fear is in recognizing that fear is a visitor that will be popping in on us from time to time.  If we cannot control that visitor, our hopeful solution can be to change our relationship to it – through mindfulness.  So keep breathing and riding the waves with peace in your heart.

Good luck in the journey!

Lesley Anne Mendonça

Lesley Anne Mendonça

M.A., LMFT-Associate, LPC-Intern

Supervised by Dr. Amy Fuller, LMFT-S, LPC-S

 

 

Stahl, B. & Millstine, W.  (2013).  Calming the rush of panic: A mindfulness-based stress reduction guide to freeing yourself from panic attacks and living a vital life.  Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

Categories : Anxiety & Panic, Anxiety Issues, Breath Work, Cognitive Reframing, Counseling, Covid-19, Emotions and Relationships, Mental Health, Mindfulness Practice, Relationships, Self-Care Practices, Sticky, Stress Management
Tags : anxiety, breathwork, cognitive reframing, fear, mindfulness, panic, relationships, stress management

Five Simple Steps to a Meaningful Holiday Season

Posted by Lesley Anne Mendonça on
 December 3, 2013

wreathWith the start of December comes an almost audible, collective tensing-up of family members world-wide. People everywhere are forming lists of tasks to be completed and items to be bought surrounded by the pressure of a competitive timeline.  In addition, we may carry an unwritten list in our hearts of things that worry and scare us.  We want the holiday season to be a time to focus on what matters most, yet it very quickly turns into a fast-paced game of survival. It is every man for himself! Most of us can relate to this feeling to some degree. If we merely survive the holiday season, we can be left with a sense of loss as it comes to a close.

What if we take a short break from what we brace ourselves for in order to entertain what we hope for this holiday season. Perhaps we hope for reconciliation with a loved one, reflection over a particularly trying year, time spent doing the things we enjoy most, or perhaps merely hope itself. If left unmanaged, the holidays can turn our lives into nothing more than a ‘quick succession of busy nothings,’ as Jane Austen writes. When we practice managing ourselves, we can actively create the rich, profound and blessing-soaked holiday we all hope for. My hope is that these simple steps can help each of us enjoy a holiday that vividly frames our lives with meaning and purpose.

JOY

Step One: Get in touch with your hopes.  Start imagining what might bring your heart true peace this season. If you struggle in this first step, make a list of the things you value. A list might include exercise, laughter, good food, sleep, and time with a loved one or in nature. Then simply reflect on what insight your list gives you. You may find what you long for is rest, or connection, or safety. The goal here is to identify important goals and spiritual gifts that we might long for, and practice cultivating and receiving it daily.

Step Two: Guard your time. Your time is precious. It may help to budget how much time we want to spend on each task. When you reach the time limit: Stop. When we devote time to things that nurture our heart and soul, we stay connected to our meaning and purpose.  Most importantly, set aside at least five minutes each day to sit in reflection or prayer. If this is a new practice for you, try to read up on ways to mindfulness and meditation.

Step Three: Free yourself! We can be the victor over the lists, the demands, the expectations and the increasing volume of the calendar.  While we do need to carry on with our tasks, we are never to be made prisoner to them.  If we can challenge our ideas of what needs to be done, ask for help whenever possible and practice self-compassion with our limitations – we can successfully free ourselves from feeling so trapped.  Remember: We are in charge, not our lists!

Step Four:  Lower your standards. In every possible moment during the holiday season, try to distinguish between the pressing and the essential.  For example, a slightly messy kitchen may be the price for thirty minutes playing with the children or grandchildren. Consider it well worth the cost. Or perhaps we can let go of trying to do it all for everyone else in order to free up time to nurture our own weary soul.  Each of us can likely stand to loosen our grip on perfection so as to receive what matters to us so much more. A meaningful holiday season is built on quality, not quantity.  Glance back at your list of values or desired spiritual gifts, and make it a point to receive them this month.

Step Five:  Entertain a fresh perspective. So much of our holiday season is contingent on the state of our family relationships.  We can sometimes be steered into unrest by irritating family patterns.  Perhaps this year’s holiday season is even dreaded, due to very painful family complications.  Begin to respond to yourself with self-compassion and self-acceptance right in this moment, no matter the state of your family ties. Then slowly practice letting go of learned patterns. When we bring a fresh perspective to the way we see our family roles, our relationships, and ourselves, we create space to lead more fulfilling lives.  Try new ways of relating to yourself and others, and let go of the expected. If the expected shows its face, show it a new side of you.  Above all, we can always come back to self-compassion as we all muddle through the messier moments of the holidays; it often has a funny way of trickling over to other hearts as well.

There is an art to having a truly meaningful holiday season, and my prayer is that we can all have fun in the mess of learning it!  May we each welcome this holiday season with confidence, focus and peace.

 

Lesley Anne Mendonça

Lesley Anne Mendonça,

M.A., LMFT-Associate, LPC-Intern

Supervised by Dr. Amy Fuller, LMFT-S, LPC-S

Categories : Adolescents & Children, Anxiety & Panic, Anxiety Issues, Blended Families, Boundaries, Centering Prayer, Compassion, Counseling, Emotions and Relationships, Empathy, Family Therapy, Mental Health, Mindfulness Practice, Relationships, Spirituality, Sticky, Stress Management, Time Management
Tags : adolescents, anxiety, blended families, boundaries, centering prayer, children, compassion, counseling, emotions, emotions and relationships, Empathy, family therapy, mindfulness practice, panic, spirituality, stress management, time management

Scary Thoughts

Posted by JenniferChristian on
 October 28, 2013

Photograph by Conor MacNeill

With Halloween around the corner, it seems like a good idea to go a little scary at Fuller Life Family Therapy. This week will be full of kids in adorable costumes, colorful candy, brightly lit pumpkins, and haunted houses. Halloween brings an element of fun to all things scary.

Most of us are already fully aware of the things that scare us. Along with ghosts and trick-or-treaters, common fears include heights, spiders, shots, and snakes. We might be surprised at the things that cause fear in others, and they might be surprised at what scares us, even our own thoughts. Our thinking actually has as much power to make us scared as a big spider.

The Threat and Self-Protection System

The brain is beautifully designed to keep us safe as it is constantly on the lookout for anything that may be dangerous.

The function of (the threat-protection system) is to detect and pick up on threats quickly and select a response, e.g., fight, flight, freeze or some other coping efforts, and give us bursts of emotions such as anxiety, anger or disgust. These feelings ripple through our bodies alerting us and urging us to take action against the threat. The system will also be activated if there are threats to people we love, our friends or our group. (Gilbert, 2010)

When danger is evident, the body is immediately flooded with chemicals and hormones that create an instantaneous reaction. In other words, we get that “scary” feeling. Our ability to protect ourselves (or run or freeze) kicks into high gear.

After the threat passes, our bodies are designed to regulate back to “normal” and relax.

Scary Thoughts

Anxiety or fearHowever, our thoughts also influence the threat processes in our brain and can hinder the body’s ability to calm itself back to normal. When we engage in self-critical or self-judgmental thinking, our body actually acts in much the same way as an actual threat.

Self-criticism appears to have a (very similar) effect on our body. When we experience a threatening situation, the flight-or fight response is triggered: the amygdala sends signals that increase blood pressure, adrenaline, and the hormone cortisol, mobilizing the strength and energy needed to confront or avoid a threat. Although this system was designed by evolution to deal with physical attacks, it is activated just as readily by emotional attacks from ourselves and others. (Neff, 2011)

In other words, negative, self-critical, or judgmental thinking stimulates the brain in the very same way as an actual threat. The body is flooded with hormones, and we are flooded with emotions to cope with the danger.

Scary Thoughts

Here are some examples of scary thoughts:

  • What if I fail?
  • No one cares.
  • I am unworthy of love.
  • It is all my fault.
  • I always mess up.
  • No one understands.
  • What if ______________________? (fill in the blank with the worst possible scenario)
  • I have to be perfect to be liked.

Courage and Compassion

Often, when “negative tapes” play in our mind, it is because our mind is working very hard to keep us safe and out of danger. Unfortunately, these thoughts can make us feel more scared, hurt, or disconnected. In order to face our fears, we need a bit of courage to practice self-compassion. Compassionate self-talk has been shown to calm the threat-detection system and allow us to be more understanding with ourselves. When we respond to ourselves with kindness and compassion, we calm our body and create space to respond courageously with our best selves.

  • Courage: being scared and practicing tools that will help us face our fears.
  • Self-Compassion: noticing our painful thoughts and responding to ourselves with care.

 Practice

Scary thinking is a habit that many of us go to when we are overwhelmed or stressed. The good news is we can learn and practice new habits that can help us calm down and de-stress. Self-compassion is one response that has been shown to calm those scary thoughts and make a real difference on how we feel inside.

For more information on self-compassion, check out our Self-Compassion Resources and also check out the books listed below.

Gilbert, Paul. (2010). Compassion Focused Therapy.

Neff, Kristin. (2011). Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind.

Tirch, Dennis. (2012). The Compassionate-Mind Guide to Overcoming Anxiety: Using Compassion-Focused Therapy to Calm Worry, Panic, and Fear.

Contributed by:

Jennifer Christian, M.A., LPC

 

 

Categories : Anxiety & Panic, Anxiety Issues, Compassion, Counseling, Mental Health, Self-Care Practices, Sticky, Stress Management, The Human Brain
Tags : anxiety, compassion, fear, panic, self-care

Trauma and the Body

Posted by JenniferChristian on
 August 30, 2013

Photography: Solitude by Jeremy Hockin

Many people suffer from either physical or emotional wounds that remain from a previous traumatic experience, and sometimes both. Trauma is defined as a serious injury or shock to the body, as from violence or an accident, or an event or situation that causes great distress and disruption. A traumatic experience can hijack the body and break down the connection between mind and body. We may not be able to connect rationally or articulate what we feel. In a recent interview Bessel van der Kolk, trauma expert at the Boston University School of Medicine explained,

“It’s amazing to me what a hard time many people I know have with (articulating what happened). This is not about something you think or something you figure out. This is about your body, your organism, having been reset to interpret the world as a terrifying place and yourself as being unsafe. And it has nothing to do with cognition. You can say to people, ‘You shouldn’t feel that way’ or ‘You’re not a bad person’ or ‘It wasn’t your fault.’ And people say, ‘I know that, but I feel that it is.'”

The body is designed to heal itself, and the brain’s job is to take care of the body. This is good news for many who struggle daily with the effects of trauma. Through compassionate and gentle practices we can once again embody our bodies. “Unless you befriend your body, you cannot become well.” (Bessel van der Kolk) One’s healing journey can begin with the aid of a compassionate therapist partnered with “somatic experiecing,” (explained below) such as yoga.

Therapeutic Trauma Treatments

  • EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): According to Dr. Amy Fuller, EMDR is “a revolutionary therapy that has helped millions let go of painful experiences, memories, or beliefs. By utilizing the brain’s natural healing processes, EMDR therapy quickly heals many emotional problems and conditions which have been difficult and time consuming to treat in the past.”
  • Compassion Focused Therapy: “Helps people who have undergone a traumatic experience to develop compassion for themselves and others, a sense of safety, and the ability to self-soothe when difficult memories or emotions arise.” (Lee James, and Gilbert)
  • Somatic Experiencing: “Somatic experiencing takes advantage of the body’s unique ability to heal itself. The focus of therapy is on bodily sensations, rather than thoughts and memories about the traumatic event. By concentrating on what’s happening in your body, you gradually get in touch with trauma-related energy and tension. From there, your natural survival instincts take over, safely releasing this pent-up energy through shaking, crying, and other forms of physical release.” (Robinson, Smith, and Segal)
  • Van der Kolk also suggests exploring techniques such as Rolfing, Craniosacral therapy, and Feldenkrais that “help people really feel their body, experience their body, and open up to their bodies.“

Healing Yoga for Trauma

Simple, gentle yoga therapy practice for releasing trauma.

Healing Trauma Resources

Deborah A. Lee, Sophie James, Paul Gilbert: The Compassionate-Mind Guide to Recovering from Trauma and PTSD: Using Compassion-Focused Therapy to Overcome Flashbacks, Shame, Guilt, and Fear

Lawrence Robinson, Melinda Smith, M.A., and Jeanne Segal: Emotional and Psychological Trauma

Denise Kersten Wills, Healing Life’s Traumas

Restoring the Body: Bessel van der Kolk on Yoga, EMDR, and Treating Trauma

Contributed by:

Jennifer Christian, M.A., LPC

Categories : Anxiety & Panic, Compassion, Counseling, Grief, Self-Care Practices, Sticky, The Human Brain, Trauma and Loss
Tags : anxiety, compassion, grief, loss, panic, self-care, trauma
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