Bridge banner
Fuller Life Family Therapy Institute
  • Home
    • Our Story
    • Our Core Values
    • Partner with Us
    • Our Training
    • Donate
  • Info
    • Our Locations
    • New Client Forms
    • Therapy Fees
    • Information for New clients
    • Secure Inquiry Form
    • Initial Session Form
    • Telemental Health Consent Form
  • Services
    • Individual Counseling
    • Couples Counseling
    • Family Counseling
    • Counseling Kids
    • Counseling with Teens
    • Speaking Engagements
  • Team
    • Harold Gibson, Student Therapist
    • Lindsay Perry, Resident Therapist, Loop
    • Stephanie Jordan, Resident Therapist, Loop
    • Chantail Green, Resident Therapist
    • Dormetra Henry, Resident Therapist
    • Riya Roney, Resident Therapist
    • Dr. Amy Fuller, Clinical Director
  • Resources
    • Houston Sliding-Scale Therapy Agencies
    • Mental Health Resources
      • Depression
      • Anxiety
    • Local Houston Resources
      • Helpful Books
      • Personal Bill of Rights
    • Healing Practices
      • Benefits of Self-Compassion
      • Self-Care Practices
      • Self-Compassion
  • Blog
    • Blog Grid
    • Resilient Relationships
    • Befriending Anxiety
    • Dancing Through Depression
    • Growing Kids and Teens
    • Healing Practices
    • Healing Trauma and Loss
    • Living Free from Addiction
    • Managing Anger and Stress
    • Sex Therapy
    • Navigating Separation, Divorce and Blended Families
    • Mindful Eating
    • Practicing Faith
  • New Year New You Challenge

Archive for positive self talk

Do You Talk Dirty to Yourself?

Posted by Manet Castaneda on
 March 2, 2018
  · No Comments

If you find yourself guilty of engaging in harmful self-talk, do not fret, you are not alone. Many of us are guilty of using shaming or denigrating language to speak to ourselves on a daily basis. Our intimate thoughts can sometimes be a scary place, especially when they are riddled with negativity and self-hate. How often do we take time to notice the way we “talk dirty” to ourselves?

Better yet, how often do we take the time to reframe those negative thoughts into more compassionate musings? If you are like many individuals, it is likely that you have not taken the time to notice your negative self-talk, much less considered speaking more kindly to yourself. Here is a three-step process for identifying and reshaping damaging self-talk.

First Step: Notice our Dirty Talk

Where does our dirty talk come from? For most, it comes from a combination of experiences and interactions we have with others- parents, teachers, classmates or coworkers. Regardless of where your negative self-talk comes from, it is important to identify it and recognize how it infiltrates your day-to-day routine. Here are a few examples of distorted self-talk:

– I am not good at my job

– I’ll never be good at anything

– I am not smart enough

– If only I was thinner

– I’m so stupid

Second Step: Swap Your Dirty Talk

If you are able to identify your negative self-talk, then you are taking a step towards changing the way that you experience your world and the people in it. While identifying dirty talk is important, if what you want is to live a more growth promoting life then it is important make steps towards changing those self-damaging thoughts. One way to do this is by writing down your internal negative thoughts and reversing them. For example:

– I am not good at my job vs I work hard at my job

– I’ll never be good at anything vs I am good at several things

– I am not smart enough vs I work hard to learn new things

Third Step: Challenge Your Dirty Talk

The last step and possibly the most challenging, is to provide yourself with reasons why the reversed thought is true. Distorted self-talk is just that, distorted. Which means that the things you tell yourself are most likely untrue and there is evidence in your own experiences to prove this. For example:

– I am good at my job because I work hard to complete my tasks

– I am good at many things like reading, and helping around the house

– I am smart because I take time to learn new things

– I am not stupid because I am able to accomplish many tasks thought my day

Reframing your dirty talk may be a very challenging thing to do, especially when you are unaware that you are doing it to yourself. However, you can rise to the challenge. If you want to positively change the way you perceive yourself and your experiences, you can. Retraining yourself will take a conscious effort, but the outcome will be very rewarding. Change your negative self-talk step-by-step and leave the dirty talk for the bedroom.

For more information on changing your negative self-talk check out Dr. Helmstetter’s book What to Say When you Talk to your Self.

For more information on self talk, visit Taylor Dickerson’s blog.

 

Categories : Anxiety Issues, Cognitive Reframing, Cognitive Reframing, Compassion, Emotional Intelligence, Mental Health, Relationships, Self-Awareness, Self-Care Practices, Social Skills, Sticky
Tags : cognitive distortions, cognitive reframing, mental health, positive self talk, self-awareness

Three Simple Ways to Get Yourself Unstuck!

Posted by Lesley Anne Mendonça on
 October 23, 2014

get unstuckAt any given point in our lives, there is at least one area where we can feel a little stuck.  Sure, there are ‘problems’ that can have a clear, easy solution.  And then there are those issues that are much more difficult to solve.  These things can be anything from a pattern of feeling low within ourselves to a troubled relationship that just feels stuck!  And when we have had enough, the familiar phrase comes flashing through our minds in all caps: “I’M SO TIRED OF FEELING THIS WAY!”  We are stuck.  So often, the frustration we feel makes it difficult to see any other possibilities beyond our struggle.  With this in mind, there are a few tips to help unencumber our hearts by simply paying attention to our hidden thoughts.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a type of therapy that exposes the powerful relationship between our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.  When even one negative thought cycles through us, it can torpedo us into feelings and behaviors that go on for long periods of time.  The distress that often accompanies these unhealthy imposters is so often confused as part of us, when in fact – it is not.  CBT brilliantly exposes these unhealthy thoughts and helps us to replace them with kinder, more helpful thoughts.  Though effective CBT is best done with a trained clinician, there are exercises we can borrow from this clever treatment method.

  1. Become aware of your thoughts.

For one day, practice writing down some of the thoughts that filter through your mind about yourself and others.  This includes both positive and negative thoughts.  For example, “I am not as interesting as everyone else, I am boring” or “my boss recognized my work, I am good at my job”.  As you begin writing them out, notice what feelings come up within you; then write those down next to the thoughts.  To continue with our example, “I feel unvalued and hopeless” or “I feel appreciated”.  In this step, your only job is to become aware of your thoughts and how much influence they have on your emotions.

{Note: This can sometimes be uncomfortable.  However, remember that we grow the most in our discomfort.  To become truly unstuck requires courage, so take heart and believe in yourself!}

  1. Challenge your thoughts.

Continue the daily process of noticing your thoughts and consequent feelings.  In the more troublesome thoughts, begin to challenge them with healthier, more compassionate alternatives.  For example, “It is impossible to be found interesting by every human person. Certain people find me interesting, and I enjoy being myself.”  This can be applied to our interactions with others, as well.  For example, a superior at work is short with us and we automatically believe it is because we are unsatisfactory or disliked.  We can challenge this thought with an alternative: “There are a number of factors that can contribute to someone being short with me, many of which might have nothing to do with me.”  Remember, the key to this step is to find different patterns of thinking that help us feel kindness towards ourselves.

  1. Allow change to occur.

If one is able to commit to these simple practices for a long period of time, transformation will inevitably occur.  Our ability to commit to this practice long-term often hinges on making small changes that are sustainable over time.  Therefore, do not try to be overly ambitious!  Be patient and kind with yourself as you learn and grow.  Our gradual transformation can affect our relationship with ourselves, as well as others!  Change often feels foreign and scary, because it is unknown territory.  However, the gift of changing our thought patterns empowers us as we learn: we have so much more control over how we feel than we realize.

Bonus!  If you find you are excelling at this practice and want to master positive self-talk, consider speaking to yourself using your name.  For example, rather than saying “I am a talented person” – speak to yourself and say “Lesley, you are a talented person!”  However silly this may sound, studies have shown that this very small adjustment makes a world of difference in our self-image and ability to believe in ourselves!  If you are feeling really adventurous, try using a more advanced log to track your thoughts, feelings and behaviors.  You can read up on some of the nuts and bolts of CBT here.  Please be advised that these practices can often bring up things in us we might not have realized were there.  If you feel at any point you would like someone to walk with you in your self-discovery – please reach out for help.  The beauty of this practice is that we can empower ourselves to take charge of our thoughts, emotions and behaviors with just a little effort!

Enjoy the journey!

 

Lesley Anne Mendonça

Lesley Anne Mendonça

M.A., LMFT-Associate, LPC-Intern

Supervised by Dr. Amy Fuller, LMFT-S, LPC-S

Categories : Cognitive Reframing, Mental Health, Self-Validation (affirmations), Sticky
Tags : CBT, cognitive distortions, cognitive reframing, positive self talk, self-awareness
 FULLER LIFE LOOP
4545 Bissonnet, Suite 289, Bellaire, Texas 77401
FULLER LIFE WEST
10333 Harwin Drive Suite 375D Houston TX 77036
info@ FullerLifeFamilyTherapy.org

CALL TODAY! 

(855) 245-5433

Submit a confidential request on our HIPAA Compliant form

Scoop It
Facebook
Twitter
Linked In
Instagram
Google plus

Complete our Secure Inquiry Form:

Tags

2017 abuse acceptance ADD/ADHD Addiction addictions adolescents adolescents and children adult children adultery affair African Americans anger anger management anxiety anxiety & panic anxiety and panic anxiety issues ASD Assertiveness Attention disorders autism spectrum disorder Awareness baby baby blues behavior bipolar disorder Black in America blended families blended family body body-oriented therapy body image bonding borderline personality disorder boundaries Bowen breath work breathwork burnout burnout prevention CBT centering prayer child development children children of divorce child therapy choicemaking Christmas cognitive distortions cognitive reframing cognitive therapy Communication communications communication skills compassion conflict conflict resolution conform conformity connection core beliefs counseling counseling for couples couples Couples counseling Couples exercises creativity Critical Thinking Cultural Differences culture Curiosity death decisions defensiveness depression difference disappointment discipline diversity divorce Domestic Violence eating disorders Emotional Abuse emotional intelligence emotional regulation emotions emotions and relationships Empathy energy engaged couple engagement executive functioning expression failure faith families family family stress family therapy fear forgiveness Foster Cline George Floyd graduation gratitude grief Grief Models growth growth mindset guilt versus shame guilt vs shame habit forming habits happiness healing healthy living holiday blahs holiday blues holiday season human brain I-statements Infidelity insomnia intimacy intimacy & sex intimate partner violence Jim Fay Job Stress John Gottman kids laughter learning disabilities leisure lifestyle listening loneliness loss love major depression manipulation Marital Satisfaction marriage marriage counseling marriage expectations Marriage therapy meaning of the Holiday mental health mental health service providers mindfulness mindfulness practice misconceptions motherhood motivation Negative Sentiment Override neurobiology New Year online therapy overthink panic parental conflict parenting parenting strategy Parenting with Love and Logic patience peace perfectionism personal narrative personal power Physical Abuse physical health physical well-being Play Therapy positive engagement positive self talk Positive Sentiment Override post partum depression powerful powerlessness pregnancy Premarital Premarital counseling premarital therapy prepare/enrich presence Problem Solving procrastination productivity psychological help Racism and Grief relationship relationships relationships. couples resilience resolutions rest Romance Romantic ideas rumination school seeking treatment self-assertion self-awareness self-care Self-Care Practice self-care practices self-compassion self-control self-esteem SELF-VALIDATION (AFFIRMATIONS) self care separation sex sexual desire sexual education shame shame versus guilt shame vs guilt skills sleep sleeping disorders social media social networking social skills solitude special needs children Spiritual Abuse spirituality stepfamilies stepfamily stepparenting stress stress manage stress management success support technology teen acting out teenagers teen anger teens telehealth teletherapy temper tantrums The Human Brain therapist therapy thought paralysis time management Transitions trauma trauma and loss trust uncertainty Unemployment universal statements Valentines Day values vulnerability wait waiting wedding preparations wellness women women's anger work-life balance

Optin Form

Scoop It
Facebook
Twitter
Linked In
Instagram
Google plus

DONATE

Fuller Life Family Therapy Institute
  • Home
    • Our Story
    • Our Core Values
    • Partner with Us
    • Our Training
    • Donate
  • Info
    • Our Locations
    • New Client Forms
    • Therapy Fees
    • Information for New clients
    • Secure Inquiry Form
    • Initial Session Form
    • Telemental Health Consent Form
  • Services
    • Individual Counseling
    • Couples Counseling
    • Family Counseling
    • Counseling Kids
    • Counseling with Teens
    • Speaking Engagements
  • Team
    • Harold Gibson, Student Therapist
    • Lindsay Perry, Resident Therapist, Loop
    • Stephanie Jordan, Resident Therapist, Loop
    • Chantail Green, Resident Therapist
    • Dormetra Henry, Resident Therapist
    • Riya Roney, Resident Therapist
    • Dr. Amy Fuller, Clinical Director
  • Resources
    • Houston Sliding-Scale Therapy Agencies
    • Mental Health Resources
      • Depression
      • Anxiety
    • Local Houston Resources
      • Helpful Books
      • Personal Bill of Rights
    • Healing Practices
      • Benefits of Self-Compassion
      • Self-Care Practices
      • Self-Compassion
  • Blog
    • Blog Grid
    • Resilient Relationships
    • Befriending Anxiety
    • Dancing Through Depression
    • Growing Kids and Teens
    • Healing Practices
    • Healing Trauma and Loss
    • Living Free from Addiction
    • Managing Anger and Stress
    • Sex Therapy
    • Navigating Separation, Divorce and Blended Families
    • Mindful Eating
    • Practicing Faith
  • New Year New You Challenge
Fuller Life Family Therapy Institute | Copyright © 2021 All Rights Reserved
iThemes Builder by iThemes | Powered by WordPress