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Archive for discipline

5 Discipline Strategies Your Kids Want You to Know – Disciplining Your Kids Well, Part 2

Posted by Tamara Tatum on
 August 15, 2019
  · No Comments
In the first part of this blog series, we discussed some common misconceptions about discipline. We learned that discipline is not about punishment, demanding respect or shaming, but rather about teaching. In this blog, we will go over five strategies to implement when disciplining your children.

1. Catch your kids doing good.

(Canadian PaediatricSociety, 2004; Byrne Biancardi, 2014) We all respond well to positive reinforcement. In the workplace you would  probably have a hard time wanting to learn from a supervisor who was always  scolding you about what you’re doing wrong and never encouraged you in the ways you were doing your job well. With your children, pay attention not only when things are not going well, but when they are. Be specific with what you observe.    

2. Model how you would like your children to behave.

The old saying “do as I say, not as I do” is never effective. Your kids are watching you and learning from you, perhaps more than you’d like!    

3. Connect with your child.

This simply means to empathize with and validate your child’s experience (i.e., “I see that you are very upset/angry/frustrated right now”).  Connection helps to move your child’s brain from a “reactive” emotion-driven state to a more receptive state in which they are ready to learn. It can also help to shift your brain from a reactive state to a state where you are able to teach. Connection has the longer-term impacts of deepening your relationship with your children as well as helping to develop the connections in their brains between the lower, more primitive and reactive, parts of the brain to the higher parts of the brain capable of self-regulation (Siegel and Payne, 2014).    

4. Address the behavior together.

Once you have connected with your child, talk with them about the impact of his or her behavior and ask him or her what they would like to do to make it better. Involve them in the process of being accountable for their actions. For example, if your daughter had broken one of her brother’s toys, she might suggest giving one of her toys to him.    

5. Remind your child of your love for them. 

At the end of the day, it is important to reinforce for your child, “Even at your absolute worst, I am still with you and still love you.” Just like you would like to be thought of as more than just the sum totalof your good or bad actions, so would your child. We can inadvertently send the message to our children that they are only loveable when they are behaving well as opposed to being loveable just for who they are. We hope this series has been helpful for you as you do the hard, but rewarding, task of parenting your children well.    

Resources:

Canadian Paediatric Society. Effective Discipline for Children. Paediatr Child Health. 2004 Jan; 9(1): 37–41. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2719514/ 

Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2014). No-drama discipline: The whole-brain way to calm the chaos and nurture your child’s developing mind (First edition.). New York: Bantam.

Byrne-Biancardi, S. (2014). 6 Secrets of Highly Effective Discipline From a Seasoned Teacher. https://afineparent.com/be-positive/effective-discipline.html   Contributed by Tamara Tatum, LMFT-Associate
Tamara Tatum, Resident Therapist
Supervised by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S
Categories : Communication, Empathy, Family Therapy, Parenting, Parenting, Relationships, Sticky
Tags : discipline, parenting

3 Common Misconceptions About Discipline You Need to Know – Disciplining Your Kids Well, Part 1

Posted by Tamara Tatum on
 May 6, 2019
  · No Comments
Disciplining your kids is a necessary part of parenting. While it is essential, discipline can often be misunderstood. In this two-part series, we will look at some of  common misconceptions and some helpful tips for effective discipline. First, some common misconceptions…

Discipline is NOT about

1. Punishment

Punishment does not build skills. It often has the reverse effect of teaching children what to do to avoid getting caught next time. Punishment tends to erode relationships and does not make children want to learn from the person who is punishing them. (Siegel and Payne, 2014; Byrne Biancardi, 2014)

2.Demanding respect and obedience

Sure, you want your kids to respect you, as their parent. But, a good question to ask yourself is, “Am I acting in a manner that is worthy of respect?” meaning, “Am I responding calmly, being curious about my child’s experience or am I reacting out of anger or frustration by yelling, nagging or insulting” (Canadian Paediatric Society, 2004). Treating your children like they are worthy of respect is one sure way to teach them to treat others with respect.

3. Shaming

We all make mistakes. Giving your children the impression that they are “bad” because of their errors or poor choices is harmful and can have a long-lasting impact. While you may not approve of your children’s behavior in the moment, make it clear that you still love and value them.

If discipline is not any of the above, then what is it really about?

  • Discipline is first and foremost about teaching and guiding our children’s behavior (Siegel and Payne, 2014; Byrne Biancardi, 2014). Teaching about acceptable, appropriate and kind behavior may seem like a lot of time and effort at the outset. However, if discipline is done well, you will have to discipline less over time because skill-building helps children to become self-disciplined, with the ultimate goal of them developing into healthy, well adjusted, and considerate adults.
Next up, in Part 2 of this blog series, we will explore some useful tips to consider and implement when disciplining your children. At Fuller Life, we are here to provide resources and assistance to support your journey in teaching and guiding your children.   Resources: Canadian Paediatric Society. Effective Discipline for Children. Paediatr Child Health. 2004 Jan; 9(1): 37–41. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2719514/ 

Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2014). No-drama discipline: The whole-brain way to calm the chaos and nurture your child’s developing mind (First edition.). New York: Bantam.

Byrne-Biancardi, S. (2014). 6 Secrets of Highly Effective Discipline From a Seasoned Teacher. https://afineparent.com/be-positive/effective-discipline.html   Contributed by Tamara Tatum, LMFT-Associate
Tamara Tatum, Resident Therapist
Supervised by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S  
Categories : Adolescents & Children, Communication, Counseling, Parenting, Relationships
Tags : discipline, misconceptions, parenting
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Fuller Life Family Therapy Institute
  • Home
    • Our Story
    • Our Core Values
    • Partner with Us
    • Our Training
    • Donate
  • Info
    • Our Locations
    • New Client Forms
    • Therapy Fees
    • Information for New clients
    • Secure Inquiry Form
    • Initial Session Form
    • Telemental Health Consent Form
  • Services
    • Individual Counseling
    • Couples Counseling
    • Family Counseling
    • Counseling Kids
    • Counseling with Teens
    • Speaking Engagements
  • Team
    • Harold Gibson, Student Therapist
    • Lindsay Perry, Resident Therapist, Loop
    • Stephanie Jordan, Resident Therapist, Loop
    • Chantail Green, Resident Therapist
    • Dormetra Henry, Resident Therapist
    • Riya Roney, Resident Therapist
    • Dr. Amy Fuller, Clinical Director
  • Resources
    • Houston Sliding-Scale Therapy Agencies
    • Mental Health Resources
      • Depression
      • Anxiety
    • Local Houston Resources
      • Helpful Books
      • Personal Bill of Rights
    • Healing Practices
      • Benefits of Self-Compassion
      • Self-Care Practices
      • Self-Compassion
  • Blog
    • Blog Grid
    • Resilient Relationships
    • Befriending Anxiety
    • Dancing Through Depression
    • Growing Kids and Teens
    • Healing Practices
    • Healing Trauma and Loss
    • Living Free from Addiction
    • Managing Anger and Stress
    • Sex Therapy
    • Navigating Separation, Divorce and Blended Families
    • Mindful Eating
    • Practicing Faith
  • New Year New You Challenge
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