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Archive for family therapy

The Ripple Effects of Autism Spectrum Disorder on the Family

Posted by Tamara Tatum on
 June 29, 2017
  · No Comments

Angry outbursts and sudden withdrawal, hypersensitivity to touch and sound, yet insensitivity in interpersonal interactions – these seeming contradictions are all too familiar for families of children with autism spectrum disorder.

For these families, life may be draining at times with small tasks requiring much effort.  Yet, discovering the world through the lens of an ASD child is something special.  It goes without saying that a diagnosis of ASD impacts the entire family. Let’s take a look at the three major players: the child with ASD, the sibling(s) and the parent(s).

 

1. The Child with the Diagnosis

One way to think about ASD is the distinction between dynamic and static intelligence (Solomon and Chung, 2012). Children with ASD can have average to above average static intelligence. For example, they can remember facts about a topic of interest or rigidly adhere to rules and rituals.  But, the struggle is with dynamic intelligence – being able to read the environment and to respond with flexibility. This is why we see kids with ASD often desiring consistency and struggling with transition and novelty.

Hope for Change

Good news! According to Sue Simmons of Equinox Family Consulting, dynamic intelligence can be taught. Dynamic intelligence is the ability to intuitively understand and respond according to a “feedback loop” of interaction. Information is sent out from A and received by B, and feedback is sent from B to A.  Parents can help their children begin to understand the feedback loop by…

  • Slowing down everyday processes and interactions, explaining them step by step to their child  and gradually introducing more novelty (Simmons, 2013).
  • Making the feedback more noticeable. Parents can exaggerate the feedback their child would receive based on their behavior by making responses more noticeable. For example, instead of expecting the ASD child to interpret subtle body language, clear and explicit statements like, “when you said/did that, it made me really sad/happy/mad, etc. ” or exaggerated facial expressions when mad/happy/sad/etc. will be more easily understood.

2. The Siblings

The siblings of children with ASD are at risk for higher emotional and behavioral problems (Solomon and Chung, 2012). At times, they may feel invisible – with much attention going to their brother or sister with ASD, the added responsibility required of them,  and perhaps with restrictions on social activities. Or, they may feel the pressure to be in the spotlight – to overachieve in order to compensate for their sibling’s limitations (Solomon and Chung, 2012).

Making the “Invisible” Visible

There are many ways to let siblings know they are cared for…

  • Risk an outburst. While it is known to be helpful to stick to structure, schedules and routines with children who have ASD, it is okay to vary from this order at times (and potentially be met with a tantrum) to meet the needs of the other siblings.
  • Carve out one-on-one bonding time. Or, find other creative ways to make them feel special.
  • Encourage healthy peer relationships. Perhaps even with other children who have siblings with special needs.

3. The Parents

Learning of their child’s diagnosis is likely a daunting and upsetting experience for most parents. It may take time to learn how to cope with having an ASD child, as well as to learn how to grieve the loss of what they might have hoped and expected their child to be and to achieve. It can also be frustrating that in spite of good parenting skills and much patience, life with an ASD child continues to be challenging and stressful.

Research has shown that there is a “spillover effect” flowing both ways between the parenting relationship and the marital relationship (Goetz, Hickey, Hartley, 2016). A difficult day of parenting the ASD child can lead to the experience of fewer positive couple interactions. Similarly, when there is more negative emotions and tension in the couple’s relationship, it spills over into a more stressful parenting. Interestingly, what tends to be most stressful for parents is not the limitations of the ASD child as much as the handling of the negative behavior (tantrums, rituals, etc.) (Solomon and Chung, 2012). Parents of ASD children are also at risk for more disagreements as to how to best handle these child-related challenges. This can, in turn, cause strain on the marital relationship (Goetz, Hickey, Hartley, 2016).

Care for the Caregivers

Parents can take the following important steps to ensure that they are meeting their own needs and advocating effectively for the entire family…

  • Take time to invest in their marital relationship.  Go out on dates, seek couples’ counseling, etc.
  • Discuss common goals and parenting strategies. Try to have both parents attend doctor appointments, IEP meetings, etc. to be on the same page.
  • Develop a strong support network. It can be easy for ASD families to isolate themselves. However, developing a strong support network and seeking out resources for the family will ease some of the burden on the couple’s relationship.

Learning how to balance the needs of the ASD child, sibling(s) and parent(s) will never be easy. But, for families of children with ASD, there is much to be gained in learning patience and compassion.

References:

Solomon, A.H. and Chung, B. (2012) Understanding Autism: How Family Therapists can Support Parents of Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders. Family Process 51:250-264.

http://equinoxfamilyconsulting.com/intelligence/asd-help-understanding-dynamic-intelligence-versus-static-intelligence/

http://www.apa.org/pi/disability/resources/publications/newsletter/2016/09/parents-children-autism.aspx

Contributed by

Tamara Tatum, LMFT-Associate

Supervised by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S

Categories : Compassion, Counseling, Developmental Disorders, Family Therapy, Parenting, Relationships, Social Skills, Sticky
Tags : ASD, autism spectrum disorder, family therapy

Perfectionville: Population Zero

Posted by Lesley Anne Mendonça on
 March 18, 2014

                

Perfection

It starts as early as we can remember.  We make a mistake, we are corrected, and we strive to never make that mistake again.  In that moment, a fictional destination is created: Perfection.  As we grow and learn, we begin to subscribe to countless myths that suggest we must live perfectly.  These myths often go unchallenged, and even unrealized.  What if we were to take a moment to truly consider the longstanding implications of perfectionism?  Were it even possible to attain perfection, what would we truly accomplish?  What is the goal of reaching a perfect state?

Perfectionism’s Mark

In her book “The Gifts of Imperfection”, Dr. Brene Brown reminds us that “perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth.”  Rather, perfectionism falsely guarantees us that – with it – we can essentially be safe from pain.  Brown shares:  “Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from taking flight.”  Perfectionism, when untamed, can impede productivity, tamper with our self-image, unsteady our relationships and prevent us from enjoying a full life.

The Gifts of Imperfection

Dr. Brene Brown shares her thoughts on the gifts of being imperfect.

Tips on Taming Our Perfectionism

[Tip One] Practice Awareness:  Those who struggle with perfectionism often avoid finishing tasks for fear of falling short of the ideal.  Along the way, one can become frustrated with his imperfect work.  Ironically, obsessing over perfect work competes with actually working!  Therefore, one can start with an awareness of perfectionism when it begins to overtake.  Once we are aware of it, it can help to remember that the perfect goal is merely a motivator, not a reality.  And in the even grander scheme, whatever we do or produce can be seen as a single step in our learning; it is always there for revision and further development!

[Tip Two] Practice Forgiveness and Self-acceptance: Imagine one who constantly measures herself to perfect standards.  What happens to her self-esteem or self-image?  Like chasing the horizon, the fruitless pursuit of perfection can quickly deplete morale and self-efficacy.  Therefore, it is crucial to guard ourselves by practicing forgiveness of imperfections, and eventually accepting our imperfections as gifts.  Each mistake or shortcoming is an opportunity for growth, learning, and self-acceptance.

[Tip Three] Practice Vulnerability:  Being in relationship with a perfectionist guarantees a struggle with high expectations.  We can start by asking ourselves: Do we expect perfection from ourselves in relationships to receive love?  Do we expect perfection from others in order to give love?  The implicit message we often learn from a young age is: If we are imperfect, we will lose love and acceptance.  At our core, perfectionism is a place where we are loved and accepted conditionally – rather than for simply being.  It is a belief that our worthiness lies in what we are able to do rather than an inborn sense of self-worth.  True intimacy comes when we find we have fallen short and still are still loved.  It is in these moments that we are awakened to the freeing power of love, freeing us to be ourselves and to love others no matter what.  As we all know, it does not take any effort to love perfection.  So consider being more of an explorer; explore vulnerability in relationships and patience with any known imperfections.

[Tip Four] Practice Enjoyment!  All too often, we allow our ideas or practices to grow into more than we intended.  For instance, we allow dieting and exercise to begin to consume us.  Rather, we can simply enjoy the practice of a healthy lifestyle while allowing occasional extravagant treats or lazy days.  Creating room for our humanity amidst striving to be better is the mark of a beautifully balanced life.  And for those of us who struggle with perfectionism, we can simply choose to enjoy our competence, our tenacity, and our drive for greatness – without letting it consume us.  We can appreciate perfectionism for what it is, and not allow it to grow beyond where we can still enjoy it.

Perfectionism, by its very nature, demands that we fit into a mold.  However, if each of us are unique beings, then we each have a mold of our own, unlike anyone else.  As we grow into the fullest versions of ourselves, it will help to practice self-compassion, a sense of humor, honest vulnerability, and fearlessness in our journey.  When we can embrace our imperfections, we are becoming more authentic versions of ourselves – and becoming perfectly us.

Check out Celestine Chua’s indicators to help us spot if we, ourselves, struggle with perfectionism.  Enjoy the journey!

how to tell if youre a perfectionist

Lesley Anne Mendonça

 

Lesley Anne Mendonça,

M.A., LMFT-Associate, LPC-Intern

Supervised by Dr. Amy Fuller, LMFT-S, LPC-S

Categories : Anxiety Issues, Communication, Compassion, Counseling, Emotional Intelligence, Emotions and Relationships, Empathy, Relationships, Self-Care Practices, Sticky
Tags : anxiety, compassion, counseling, emotional intelligence, emotions and relationships, Empathy, family therapy, patience, perfectionism, self-care

Five Simple Steps to a Meaningful Holiday Season

Posted by Lesley Anne Mendonça on
 December 3, 2013

wreathWith the start of December comes an almost audible, collective tensing-up of family members world-wide. People everywhere are forming lists of tasks to be completed and items to be bought surrounded by the pressure of a competitive timeline.  In addition, we may carry an unwritten list in our hearts of things that worry and scare us.  We want the holiday season to be a time to focus on what matters most, yet it very quickly turns into a fast-paced game of survival. It is every man for himself! Most of us can relate to this feeling to some degree. If we merely survive the holiday season, we can be left with a sense of loss as it comes to a close.

What if we take a short break from what we brace ourselves for in order to entertain what we hope for this holiday season. Perhaps we hope for reconciliation with a loved one, reflection over a particularly trying year, time spent doing the things we enjoy most, or perhaps merely hope itself. If left unmanaged, the holidays can turn our lives into nothing more than a ‘quick succession of busy nothings,’ as Jane Austen writes. When we practice managing ourselves, we can actively create the rich, profound and blessing-soaked holiday we all hope for. My hope is that these simple steps can help each of us enjoy a holiday that vividly frames our lives with meaning and purpose.

JOY

Step One: Get in touch with your hopes.  Start imagining what might bring your heart true peace this season. If you struggle in this first step, make a list of the things you value. A list might include exercise, laughter, good food, sleep, and time with a loved one or in nature. Then simply reflect on what insight your list gives you. You may find what you long for is rest, or connection, or safety. The goal here is to identify important goals and spiritual gifts that we might long for, and practice cultivating and receiving it daily.

Step Two: Guard your time. Your time is precious. It may help to budget how much time we want to spend on each task. When you reach the time limit: Stop. When we devote time to things that nurture our heart and soul, we stay connected to our meaning and purpose.  Most importantly, set aside at least five minutes each day to sit in reflection or prayer. If this is a new practice for you, try to read up on ways to mindfulness and meditation.

Step Three: Free yourself! We can be the victor over the lists, the demands, the expectations and the increasing volume of the calendar.  While we do need to carry on with our tasks, we are never to be made prisoner to them.  If we can challenge our ideas of what needs to be done, ask for help whenever possible and practice self-compassion with our limitations – we can successfully free ourselves from feeling so trapped.  Remember: We are in charge, not our lists!

Step Four:  Lower your standards. In every possible moment during the holiday season, try to distinguish between the pressing and the essential.  For example, a slightly messy kitchen may be the price for thirty minutes playing with the children or grandchildren. Consider it well worth the cost. Or perhaps we can let go of trying to do it all for everyone else in order to free up time to nurture our own weary soul.  Each of us can likely stand to loosen our grip on perfection so as to receive what matters to us so much more. A meaningful holiday season is built on quality, not quantity.  Glance back at your list of values or desired spiritual gifts, and make it a point to receive them this month.

Step Five:  Entertain a fresh perspective. So much of our holiday season is contingent on the state of our family relationships.  We can sometimes be steered into unrest by irritating family patterns.  Perhaps this year’s holiday season is even dreaded, due to very painful family complications.  Begin to respond to yourself with self-compassion and self-acceptance right in this moment, no matter the state of your family ties. Then slowly practice letting go of learned patterns. When we bring a fresh perspective to the way we see our family roles, our relationships, and ourselves, we create space to lead more fulfilling lives.  Try new ways of relating to yourself and others, and let go of the expected. If the expected shows its face, show it a new side of you.  Above all, we can always come back to self-compassion as we all muddle through the messier moments of the holidays; it often has a funny way of trickling over to other hearts as well.

There is an art to having a truly meaningful holiday season, and my prayer is that we can all have fun in the mess of learning it!  May we each welcome this holiday season with confidence, focus and peace.

 

Lesley Anne Mendonça

Lesley Anne Mendonça,

M.A., LMFT-Associate, LPC-Intern

Supervised by Dr. Amy Fuller, LMFT-S, LPC-S

Categories : Adolescents & Children, Anxiety & Panic, Anxiety Issues, Blended Families, Boundaries, Centering Prayer, Compassion, Counseling, Emotions and Relationships, Empathy, Family Therapy, Mental Health, Mindfulness Practice, Relationships, Spirituality, Sticky, Stress Management, Time Management
Tags : adolescents, anxiety, blended families, boundaries, centering prayer, children, compassion, counseling, emotions, emotions and relationships, Empathy, family therapy, mindfulness practice, panic, spirituality, stress management, time management

Challenges Faced by Single Parents

Posted by Scott Rampy on
 August 9, 2012
  · No Comments

Fuller Life is a place that facilitates healing. Our aim is to provide a bridge through difficult times and promotes hope in difficult relationships. You may sympathize with this mission as well. Though you may not have the training to offer this service yourself, there is opportunity for you to be involved in this goal. We need others to know that we are an available resource. We need partners to support us financially. Please contact us if you would like to discuss further about participating in this mission with us.

The AAMFT recently highlighted a penetrating article by the NY Times published last month with great significance for the work we do at Fuller Life. The article compared two women – both mothers of elementary aged children with similar salaries, the same race, and the same level of education. Yet the quality of life they and their children experience could not be more disparate. What is the main difference? One is married and receives financial and parenting support from her husband; the other is single and carries the weight of providing for all the needs of her children by herself. The article highlights the increasing challenges of the single-parent family and the struggles these parents and their children face.

What if this situation could be prevented? What if single parents and their children could find some relief? Fuller life can be a healing place for families of single-parent and dual parent homes. We desire to offer hope in the face of the many challenges families face today. Join a conversation with us to find out how you can participate in our mission to provide healing and hope to the underinsured and uninsured families in the Houston area.

Scott Rampy, M.MFT, LMFTA

Resident Therapist at Fuller Life Family Therapy Institute

Categories : Counseling, Family Therapy, Parenting
Tags : counseling, family therapy, parenting
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Fuller Life Family Therapy Institute
  • Home
    • Our Story
    • Our Core Values
    • Partner with Us
    • Our Training
    • Donate
  • Info
    • Our Locations
    • New Client Forms
    • Therapy Fees
    • Information for New clients
    • Secure Inquiry Form
    • Initial Session Form
    • Telemental Health Consent Form
  • Services
    • Individual Counseling
    • Couples Counseling
    • Family Counseling
    • Counseling Kids
    • Counseling with Teens
    • Speaking Engagements
  • Team
    • Harold Gibson, Student Therapist
    • Lindsay Perry, Resident Therapist, Loop
    • Stephanie Jordan, Resident Therapist, Loop
    • Chantail Green, Resident Therapist
    • Dormetra Henry, Resident Therapist
    • Manet Castañeda,Resident Therapist
    • Dr. Amy Fuller, Clinical Director
  • Resources
    • Houston Sliding-Scale Therapy Agencies
    • Mental Health Resources
      • Depression
      • Anxiety
    • Local Houston Resources
      • Helpful Books
      • Personal Bill of Rights
    • Healing Practices
      • Benefits of Self-Compassion
      • Self-Care Practices
      • Self-Compassion
  • Blog
    • Blog Grid
    • Resilient Relationships
    • Befriending Anxiety
    • Dancing Through Depression
    • Growing Kids and Teens
    • Healing Practices
    • Healing Trauma and Loss
    • Living Free from Addiction
    • Managing Anger and Stress
    • Sex Therapy
    • Navigating Separation, Divorce and Blended Families
    • Mindful Eating
    • Practicing Faith
  • New Year New You Challenge
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