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Author Archive for Tamara Tatum

The Recipe for a Resilient Family 

Posted by Tamara Tatum on
 November 23, 2019
  · No Comments

Every family experiences some form of hardship. Have you ever noticed how some families seem to bounce back, perhaps even using their trials for good; while others never quite seem to recover? What makes some families more resilient? 

Family resilience is the ability to “withstand and rebound from disruptive life challenges, strengthened and more resourceful” (Walsh, 2011). While it may seem that some families are ”born” with an inherent ability to withstand difficulty, the good news is than any family can grow their resilience  (Pogosayan, 2017).  

Dr. Froma Walsh is a family therapist and leading expert on family resilience. She has identified nine main ingredients for family resilience, divided into three categories: belief systems (what the family thinks and believes); organizational patterns (how the family acts and relates to one another), and communication patterns (how the family speaks and communicates). Any family can mix together these nine ingredients to make their own, unique family resilience “recipe.”  

Belief systems 

Resilient families… 

  1. Are able to make meaning of the adversity, perhaps by normalizing the hardship or viewing it as an opportunity for growth.  
  1. Have a hopeful and positive outlook. They seize opportunities and persevere.  
  1. Have a sense of purpose, larger values or some form of spirituality/faith to lean on. 

 

Organizational patterns 

Resilient families… 

  1. Are flexible and able to adapt to new circumstances while also maintaining some stability (rituals, routines, strong leadership). 
  1. Are connected and supportive of one another. They respect each other as individuals. 
  1. Have social and economic resources by mobilizing the support of kin, social and community networks. 

Communication patterns 

Resilient families… 

  1. Have clear communication. They seek and speak truth. 
  1. They are open with their emotions and willing to share a range of feelings without blaming or “lashing out”.  
  1. Are able to tap into their inner resourcefulness and collaborate to problem solve.  

At Fuller Life, we believe there is hope for all families to thrive after a hardship. We are here to walk alongside as you do.     Resources  Pogosayan, M. (2017). What Makes Families Resilient?https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-cultures/201710/what-makes-families-resilient  Walsh, F. (2011). Family resilience: a collaborative approach in response to stressful life challenges. Resilience and mental health: Challenges across the lifespan, 149-161.     

 

Contributed by

Tamara Tatum, LMFT-Associate

Tamara Tatum, Resident Therapist

Supervised by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S

Categories : Communication, Covid-19, Family Therapy, Parenting, Problem Solving, Relationships, Sticky
Tags : Communication, families, resilience

5 Discipline Strategies Your Kids Want You to Know – Disciplining Your Kids Well, Part 2

Posted by Tamara Tatum on
 August 15, 2019
  · No Comments
In the first part of this blog series, we discussed some common misconceptions about discipline. We learned that discipline is not about punishment, demanding respect or shaming, but rather about teaching. In this blog, we will go over five strategies to implement when disciplining your children.

1. Catch your kids doing good.

(Canadian PaediatricSociety, 2004; Byrne Biancardi, 2014) We all respond well to positive reinforcement. In the workplace you would  probably have a hard time wanting to learn from a supervisor who was always  scolding you about what you’re doing wrong and never encouraged you in the ways you were doing your job well. With your children, pay attention not only when things are not going well, but when they are. Be specific with what you observe.    

2. Model how you would like your children to behave.

The old saying “do as I say, not as I do” is never effective. Your kids are watching you and learning from you, perhaps more than you’d like!    

3. Connect with your child.

This simply means to empathize with and validate your child’s experience (i.e., “I see that you are very upset/angry/frustrated right now”).  Connection helps to move your child’s brain from a “reactive” emotion-driven state to a more receptive state in which they are ready to learn. It can also help to shift your brain from a reactive state to a state where you are able to teach. Connection has the longer-term impacts of deepening your relationship with your children as well as helping to develop the connections in their brains between the lower, more primitive and reactive, parts of the brain to the higher parts of the brain capable of self-regulation (Siegel and Payne, 2014).    

4. Address the behavior together.

Once you have connected with your child, talk with them about the impact of his or her behavior and ask him or her what they would like to do to make it better. Involve them in the process of being accountable for their actions. For example, if your daughter had broken one of her brother’s toys, she might suggest giving one of her toys to him.    

5. Remind your child of your love for them. 

At the end of the day, it is important to reinforce for your child, “Even at your absolute worst, I am still with you and still love you.” Just like you would like to be thought of as more than just the sum totalof your good or bad actions, so would your child. We can inadvertently send the message to our children that they are only loveable when they are behaving well as opposed to being loveable just for who they are. We hope this series has been helpful for you as you do the hard, but rewarding, task of parenting your children well.    

Resources:

Canadian Paediatric Society. Effective Discipline for Children. Paediatr Child Health. 2004 Jan; 9(1): 37–41. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2719514/ 

Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2014). No-drama discipline: The whole-brain way to calm the chaos and nurture your child’s developing mind (First edition.). New York: Bantam.

Byrne-Biancardi, S. (2014). 6 Secrets of Highly Effective Discipline From a Seasoned Teacher. https://afineparent.com/be-positive/effective-discipline.html   Contributed by Tamara Tatum, LMFT-Associate
Tamara Tatum, Resident Therapist
Supervised by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S
Categories : Communication, Empathy, Family Therapy, Parenting, Parenting, Relationships, Sticky
Tags : discipline, parenting

3 Common Misconceptions About Discipline You Need to Know – Disciplining Your Kids Well, Part 1

Posted by Tamara Tatum on
 May 6, 2019
  · No Comments
Disciplining your kids is a necessary part of parenting. While it is essential, discipline can often be misunderstood. In this two-part series, we will look at some of  common misconceptions and some helpful tips for effective discipline. First, some common misconceptions…

Discipline is NOT about

1. Punishment

Punishment does not build skills. It often has the reverse effect of teaching children what to do to avoid getting caught next time. Punishment tends to erode relationships and does not make children want to learn from the person who is punishing them. (Siegel and Payne, 2014; Byrne Biancardi, 2014)

2.Demanding respect and obedience

Sure, you want your kids to respect you, as their parent. But, a good question to ask yourself is, “Am I acting in a manner that is worthy of respect?” meaning, “Am I responding calmly, being curious about my child’s experience or am I reacting out of anger or frustration by yelling, nagging or insulting” (Canadian Paediatric Society, 2004). Treating your children like they are worthy of respect is one sure way to teach them to treat others with respect.

3. Shaming

We all make mistakes. Giving your children the impression that they are “bad” because of their errors or poor choices is harmful and can have a long-lasting impact. While you may not approve of your children’s behavior in the moment, make it clear that you still love and value them.

If discipline is not any of the above, then what is it really about?

  • Discipline is first and foremost about teaching and guiding our children’s behavior (Siegel and Payne, 2014; Byrne Biancardi, 2014). Teaching about acceptable, appropriate and kind behavior may seem like a lot of time and effort at the outset. However, if discipline is done well, you will have to discipline less over time because skill-building helps children to become self-disciplined, with the ultimate goal of them developing into healthy, well adjusted, and considerate adults.
Next up, in Part 2 of this blog series, we will explore some useful tips to consider and implement when disciplining your children. At Fuller Life, we are here to provide resources and assistance to support your journey in teaching and guiding your children.   Resources: Canadian Paediatric Society. Effective Discipline for Children. Paediatr Child Health. 2004 Jan; 9(1): 37–41. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2719514/ 

Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2014). No-drama discipline: The whole-brain way to calm the chaos and nurture your child’s developing mind (First edition.). New York: Bantam.

Byrne-Biancardi, S. (2014). 6 Secrets of Highly Effective Discipline From a Seasoned Teacher. https://afineparent.com/be-positive/effective-discipline.html   Contributed by Tamara Tatum, LMFT-Associate
Tamara Tatum, Resident Therapist
Supervised by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S  
Categories : Adolescents & Children, Communication, Counseling, Parenting, Relationships
Tags : discipline, misconceptions, parenting

What’s the Weather Like Inside You? Mindfulness for Kids and Adults Alike

Posted by Tamara Tatum on
 February 23, 2019
  · 1 Comment

At times our feelings can feel so jumbled and all over the place that it is hard to put words to all that is going on inside of us.  

In these uncomfortable times, it can be easy to adopt unhealthy means of dealing with our emotions such as trying to fight against them, getting swept up in them and overidentifying with them. Learning to understand and accept our interior world is an important skill to cope with the many waves of moods that will come our way throughout life.  

Understanding the inner world can be even more difficult for kids and teens who lack an adult vocabulary and understanding of emotion. However, there are many ways to help your children become aware of their internal states.  

One such example is called the “Personal Weather Report” (taken from Eline Snell’s book “Sitting Still Like a Frog”). This practice can be used for ages 4 and up. You can practice this alone, with one of your children who may be going through a particularly tough time, or together as a family.  

Sit down comfortably somewhere, close or half close your eyes, and take some time to determine how you are feeling right now. What is the weather like inside you? Do you feel relaxed and sunny inside? Or does it feel rainy or overcast? Is there a storm raging, perhaps? What do you notice? 

Without really thinking about it too much, summon the weather report that best describes your feelings at the moment. Once you know how you are doing right now, just let it be… just as it is…; there is no need to feel or do anything differently. You cannot change the weather outside either, can you? 

Stay close to this feeling for a while.  

Direct your friendly and curious attention to the clouds, the clear sky, or the storm that is brewing…this is how it is right now…; like the weather, you simply cannot change a mood. Later today the weather will be completely different again…, but right now this is how things are. And that is absolutely fine. Moods change. They blow over. There is no need to take any action. What a relief. 

For something to listen to, here is a link to a downloadable audio internal weather report guided meditation for children and teens aged 7 and up by Smiling Mind.  

For older teens and adults, you can add depth and layers of understanding to the internal world through the use of art – visualizing and creating landscapes and weather. Here are some steps adapted from the exercise “Landscapes of Emotion” by Cohen, Barnes and Rankin: 

  1. Gather two sheets of paper and your preferred utensils (colored pencis, paints, pastels, etc.) 
  2. Imagine what type of outdoor landscape might represent your current emotional state. Are there mountains, hills, valleys, lakes trees, rocks, etc.? 
  3. Next imagine the climate or weather conditions in your landscape that corresponds to your current emotional state. Is the weather cold, cool, warm, sunny, overcast, etc? 
  4. Now, draw your imagined landscape and climate on the first sheet of paper.  

After your drawing, reflect on the following questions… 

  1. How would a person feel if he or she were standing in the different areas of your landscape? 
  2. What would this person do in your landscape – seek shelter, relax, run away? 
  3. List the features in your landscape and try to match each one to one or more feelings.  

Now imagine changing the first landscape you created (i.e. new features, rearrangement, change in climate). Draw the changed landscape using the second set of papers.  

  1. Repeat the reflection question in step 5 with the new landscape.  
  2. What differences or similarities do you notice in the two landscapes? Would you prefer one over the other? 

This exercise can especially helpful for those who have experienced some form of trauma and are ready to move past the initial trauma coping mechanism of numbing or suppressing feelings to begin reconnecting with emotion. If you think this may apply to you, you may want to use and process this exercise in conjunction with professional therapy or counseling.  

We hope these tips help you ride the waves of emotion with mindful acceptance! 

References 

Snell, E. (2013). Sitting Still Like a Frog.  

Cohen, Barnes and Rankin. (1995). Managing Traumatic Stress Through Art.  

https://smilingmind.podbean.com/e/6-my-internal-weather-7-11-years/

Contributed by

Tamara Tatum, LMFT-Associate

Tamara Tatum, Resident Therapist

Supervised by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S

Categories : Counseling, Covid-19
Tags : children, mindfulness, teens

Keys to a Good Night’s Sleep

Posted by Tamara Tatum on
 April 11, 2018
  · No Comments

Sleep. We all know we need it, but it be one of the first things to go during busier or more stressful times. Times when we need a good night’s rest all the more!

Why is sleep important?

Good sleep is important for a number of reasons, a couple of which are…

  • It helps our brains work
    • Sleep helps us to learn and remember information, be creative, make decisions and modulate our emotions.
  •  It keeps us physically healthy
    • Sleep is associated with prevention of heart disease, kidney disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, and stroke.

(adapted from this article)

Given that sleep is so important, how do we make sure we are getting the amount we need?

Realistically, we cannot expect to work a hectic day, come home, watch TV or spend time on our phones, plop into bed and then magically drift off into dreamland. While that may work for some, it does not work for most. According to Shannon McClain, in an interview with Jennifer Christian on Self-Compassion Houston, getting a good night’s rest starts with some intentional preparation hours before bedtime.

Tips to a good night’s rest

1. Simulate dusk with de-illumination

We are used to having bright lights on long after the sun has gone down. We can begin to simulate dusk and get our bodies ready for sleep by closing the curtains, dimming the lights and putting screens and phones away at least an hour before bed time.

2. Begin a nighttime ritual

Having a consistent nighttime ritual can be helpful for preparing for sleep. For example, taking a bath, going through a spiritual practice, journaling or taking time to reflect on the day.

3. Remember that waking up at night is okay

We can wake up at night for many reasons – to go to the bathroom, hearing loud noises, having stressful thoughts, etc. Wakefulness in the night does not always mean insomnia and does not need

to be a cause for alarm. We can remind ourselves that it is okay to wake up in the middle of the night. If we find our mind running with many thoughts, keeping a bedside journal to write down some of those thoughts can be helpful.

4. Prepare your environment

Ensuring the environment you sleep in is cool, dark, quiet and clean (tidy, clean bedding) are also essentials for preparing for sleep.

While it may be challenging to teach ourselves to slow down and prioritize something as seemingly unproductive as sleep, it is essential for a good night’s rest and a happier, healthier life as a result!

For more information on how to prepare for sleep, check out Jennifer Christian Counseling’s podcast

Additionally, this video by Matthew Walker emphasizes the importance of sleep and the negative impacts of sleep deprivation

Resources

http://www.businessinsider.com/what-happens-when-you-dont-get-enough-sleep-2017-12

https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/node/4605

Sleep

 

Contributed by

Tamara Tatum, LMFT-Associate

Supervised by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S

Categories : Self-Care Practices, Sleep Disorders
Tags : rest, sleep

Does Intimacy Make for Good Sex? 

Posted by Tamara Tatum on
 February 13, 2018
  · No Comments

The beginning of a relationship is filled with excitement and possibility. Getting to know a new person and allowing them to get to know you is thrilling and daunting at the same time. Passion, excitement and curiosity swirl at this stage. However, this period is unlikely to last very long. Slowly, as the relationship progresses, familiarity, routine and a sense of security begins to set in. Intimacy, often defined as knowing the other and being known, begins to grow.  

Esther Perel, in her book, Mating in Captivity, suggests that what makes for good intimacy does not always make for good sex. Good intimacy often involves the feeling of being emotionally “close”, such as with deep conversations, growing familiarity, and self-disclosure. Emotional closeness and physical intimacy do not always directly correlate and may have a more complex relationship.  

According to Perel, in order for connection to happen, there needs to be an implied separateness. We cannot move closer together if we are already wrapped up in one another. Eroticism is movement toward the other, but we often seek to eliminate otherness in our close relationships by focusing solely on how we are similar and involving each other in every aspect of our lives.  

In other words, being separate is a requirement for actually being close. We are usually uncomfortable with this separateness and experience anxiety and insecurity. But this very discomfort is a what helps to maintain our interest and sexual desire. Fire needs air. Desire needs mystery. 

So, how do you keep desire alive? 

  1. Develop and cultivate your own “secret garden”. Perel suggests that rather than considering separateness as pulling away from the other, consider it to be the development of personal intimacy. Get to know yourself, your unique interests, hobbies, talents and dreams and go after them! 
  1. Recognize and allow for the ways your partner remains mysterious to you. Instead of, at the end of the day, pressing for every detail that filled the preceding hours when you were apart, allow for the “space between” the two of you to exist. Additionally, appreciate the ways your partner, though he or she may be similar to you in some ways, thinks and acts and sees the world differently than you do.  

Maintaining love and desire in committed relationships involves finding the balance between surrendering to the “other” and maintaining autonomy and a sense of self.  This is both a challenging and exciting journey! 

Perel, Esther. (2007). Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence.

 

Contributed by

Tamara Tatum, LMFT-Associate

Supervised by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S

Categories : Intimacy & Sex Therapy, Marriage, Premarital, Relationships, Sexual Education, Sticky
Tags : intimacy, marriage, relationships, sex, sexual desire, Valentines Day

How Personal Power Can Change Your Life

Posted by Tamara Tatum on
 October 6, 2017
  · No Comments

Consider two different scenarios. First, imagine yourself on a career trajectory that is suddenly cut short. You now take a new job for which you feel unqualified. You are consumed with defeat, insecurity and anxiety. Worried that you will appear incompetent, you avoid any challenges.  

Now, imagine that you are about to give a presentation on a topic that is meaningful to you. You feel jittery and nervous, but excited to share your insights with the audience. You stand tall and speak from your heart, connecting with the group in an impactful way.  

What comes to mind as you think of the two very different scenarios?  

Powerlessness vs. Personal Power 

We have all experienced situations in life in which we have felt powerless, discouraged and defeated. Similarly, we have experienced situations in which we have felt powerful, confident and ambitious. 

In her research on presence and power, Amy Cuddy (2015) shows that power activates the psychological and behavioral approach system, which means that we feel free, in control and unthreatened. On the other hand, powerlessness activates the inhibition system, making us more anxious, pessimistic and conforming to social pressures.  

While the word “power” might conjure up thoughts about dictators and oppressors, Cuddy (2015) suggests that personal power is very different than social power. Social power is the ability to exert dominance and influence the behavior of others. Personal power, on the other hand, is freedom from the dominance of others. It means accessing and controlling our limitless inner resources.  

The consequences for powerlessness are significant. Cuddy believes that powerlessness is as likely to corrupt as power is. And unless we feel personally powerful, we cannot be truly present with those around us.  

Here are some ways powerlessness negatively impacts us (adapted from Presence by Amy Cuddy)… 

1. Powerlessness impairs thought  

Powerlessness and the anxiety that results undermine executive functioning (I.e. higher order cognitive abilities such as reasoning, attention control, task flexibility) which is critical to coping well in challenging situations. 

2. Powerlessness makes us self absorbed 

Social anxiety interferes with ability to see the world through others’ eyes. This is bidirectional. The more self focused we are, the more anxious, depressed and powerless we are likely to feel.  

3. Powerlessness prevents presence  

The more anxious and self focused we are, the more likely we are to ruminate on social interactions in an unhelpful manner and this directly inhibits being present in those interactions.  

In contrast, personal power benefits us in a number of ways (adapted from Presence by Amy Cuddy)… 

1. Personal power protects us  

Personal power serves as a buffer against negative emotions, making us feel less pain in difficult times and less hurt by negative interactions.  

2. Personal power connects us  

It frees us to be more open and vulnerable with others. 

3. Personal power liberates our thinking  

We are more creative, less self conscious about expressing feelings and beliefs when we feel powerful. 

4. Personal power synchronizes us 

Feeling powerful has a way of harmonizing our thoughts, feelings and behaviors such that we appear more authentic in our presence.  

5. Personal power incites action and leads to more effective action 

When we believe we are able to perform the task at hand, even in a high-stakes situation, we are more likely to perform it. 

Cuddy also suggests that the way we build personal power is gradually, one step at a time. It comes as we pay more attention to our body language, embodying postures of power (upright, expansive), deep breathing, smiling. Personal power also comes as we make everyday decisions. Often we need to act first and the feelings of confidence and competence will follow. When we notice ourselves doing something with courage or competence, we can then recall this the next time something challenging comes our way, making it easier to perform in future situations. As this goes on, we are able to harness our internal resources in order to meet challenges.  

At Fuller Life, we hope you will bold and brave as you ride the waves of life! 

Reference 

Cuddy, A. (2015). Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges.  

 

Contributed by

Tamara Tatum, LMFT-Associate

Supervised by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S

Categories : Counseling
Tags : personal power, powerful, powerlessness, presence

How to Talk to Your Kids about Divorce 

Posted by Tamara Tatum on
 September 11, 2017
  · No Comments

Going through a separation or divorce can be a painful and confusing time for many. It can be especially difficult when there are children involved. As a parent, you may be concerned about when is the best time to have a conversation with your children and what information to share – or not to share 

Planning for the conversation 

Dr. Herrick, psychotherapist, recommends telling your children 2 to 3 weeks before the separation. In an ideal situation, both parents will be present for the conversation. If this is not possible, it is important for the parent present to not speak poorly of the parent who is absent to ensure that the child does not feel pressured to take sides Once a general timeline has been set, it is time to decide on the logistics of where and when the conversation will take place. According to a research study done by Heather Westberg, the memory of this conversation, and how they were first told, sticks with children. It is important to spend some time thinking about the environment in which to talk with your children. For example, selecting a quiet, neutral location during a time of day when you will have some uninterrupted time together is best.  

Rules of engagement during the conversation 

After preparing the environment, comes the weighty task of actually having the conversation. Here are a few pointers to keep in mind while talking with your child…  

1. Present as a united front.  

Be respectful of one another and make it clear that while the both of you may disagree on various things, you do agree on doing what is best for your children.

2. Keep it simple and honest. 

Do not share more information than the children need to know (e.g., financial arrangements, the details of your disagreements), but answer your children’s questions honestly when they ask difficult questions like, “What does divorce mean?” “Why are you leaving each other?” 

3. Share the plan going forward. 

Share with your children some of the major changes that will be happening. How long until mom or dad moves out? Where will the children be staying? What school will they attend? How often will they see each parent?  Also be sure to reassure your children on things that will remain the same (e.g., school, neighborhood, Sunday dinners at Grandma’s, etc. ) 

4. Emphasize that this is your decision. 

Make sure your children know that separation or divorce is not their fault and has nothing to do with them. Nothing they can do – good or bad, will influence the decision.  

5. Stay true to your word. 

In your conversation, make sure your children hear how much you love them. After the conversation, keep your word in showing your love to your children by spending time with them, encouraging them, showing affection and acting in their best interests.  

6. Be prepared for unexpected reactions. 

Your child may respond in a number of ways – anger, confusion, sadness, relief, or they may even appear not to respond at all. Rather than pushing your child to feel differently (i.e. “look at the bright side!”), remain curious and accepting of what they are feeling. Let your child know that it is okay to be sad, angry, confused, or relieved.  Help them find healthful ways to share and express these feelings (e.g. drawing, journaling, being active, talking…)

Many parents are, understandably, concerned about how their child will cope with separation or divorce. While this will likely be a challenging time for both parents and children, ensuring that your children know they can come to you with their questions and feelings will help them through the process. For more resources on how to support your child through the divorce process, check out our ScoopIt! Page. 

 

 

 

Resources 

http://lisaherrick.com/separation-and-divorce-work/guide-to-telling-the-children-about-the-divorce/ 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-older-dad/201105/mom-and-dad-have-something-tell-you-six-tips-talking-kids-about-divorce 

 

 

Contributed by

Tamara Tatum, LMFT-Associate

Supervised by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S

Categories : Adolescents & Children, Emotions and Relationships, Family Therapy, Parenting
Tags : children of divorce, divorce, separation

The Body and Trauma: From Frozen to Fully Living  

Posted by Tamara Tatum on
 July 27, 2017
  · No Comments

An Impala and A Cheetah  

Imagine yourself as an impala grazing along a lush plain. You hear rustling in a nearby brush. Your body tenses and your senses become alert. You see nothing and then suddenly, out of the brush, a cheetah lunges. You begin running as fast as possible, about seventy miles per hour. The cheetah begins closing in. Finally, he pounces and makes contact. Your body freezes. You collapse and appear immobile, though on the inside, energy is coursing through your body still at seventy miles per hour (adapted from Levine, 1997).  

After an overwhelming situation has occurred, it is not uncommon for our bodies to react as though the stress is still present – feeling agitated, shaky, breathing heavily, etc.  In most circumstances, our bodies are able to relax and return to a normal state after a relatively brief period of time. Unfortunately, this is often not the case for people who have endured trauma.  

The Experience of Trauma 

While traumatic experiences vary along a wide spectrum, a common thread can be found in its expression. Experiencing fight, flight or freeze responses are our bodies natural and good reactions to stressful and scary circumstances. However, for some of those who have experienced trauma, the brain keeps telling the body to escape a threat that no longer exists (Van Der Kolk, 2014).  Many people who have experienced trauma live as though they have been imprisoned by fear and are unable to re-engage in present life (Levine, 1997).  

In his book, Waking the Tiger, Levine describes post-traumatic stress disorder as, “incomplete physiological responses suspended in fear.” Going back to your experience as an impala, your body froze when the cheetah finally pounced. Yet, there was heightened energy from the terrifying chase that remained stuck inside your immobile body. A similar thing happens for those who have post-traumatic stress disorder. The body remains hypervigilant, prepared to be assaulted or violated again, and the survivor’s energy now becomes focused on suppressing this inner chaos (Van Der Kolk, 2014). This suppression has been shown to take a toll on the body and can lead to fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue and autoimmune disorders (Van Der Kolk, 2014).  

Healing the Body, Mind and Spirit 

In order to experience healing, the body needs to learn that the danger has passed and begin living fully in the present (Van Der Kolk, 2014). It is not enough to tell and re-tell the story of the trauma.  Change needs to happen at the physical level as well (Van der Kolk, 2014). According to Levine (1997), trauma survivors need to pass through the state of immobility and liberate the suppressed energy.  

Reconnecting mind, body and spirit is an important step to recovering from trauma. “Trauma robs you of the feeling that you are in charge of yourself…. The challenge of recovery is to reestablish ownership of your body and your mind – of your self” (Van Der Kolk, 2014).  

A Few Exercises

The following exercise by Peter Levine (1997) is to welcome your mind and spirit back to your body: 

For ten minutes each day, take a gentle, pulsing shower in the following way: at a cool or slightly warm temperature setting, expose your entire body to the pulsing water, one part at a time.  

Put your full awareness into the region of your body where the rhythmical stimulation is focused. Let your consciousness move to each part of your body as you rotate. Hold the backs of your hands to the shower head; then the palms and wrists; then both sides of your face, shoulders, underarms, etc. Be sure to include every part of your body. Pay attention to the sensation in each area, even if it feels blank, numb, or painful. While you are doing this say, “This is my head. This is my neck. This is my hand.” etc. “I welcome you back.”  

Below is an exercise by Levine (1997) designed to begin accessing the body’s natural wisdom:  

As you read this, make yourself as comfortable as possible. Feel the way your body makes contact with the surface that is supporting you.  

Sense into your skin and notice the way your clothes feel.  

Sense underneath your skin – what sensations are there? 

Now, gently remembering these sensations, how do you know that you feel comfortable? 

What physical sensations contribute to the overall feeling of comfort? 

Does becoming more aware of these sensations make you feel more or less comfortable? 

Does this change over time? 

Sit for a moment and enjoy the felt sense of feeling comfortable! 

Using these exercises can help you to become more grounded and connected to your body. 

For other body-oriented therapeutic trauma treatments, read this blog from our archives. At Fuller Life Family Therapy, we offer trauma-informed care to help you move from frozen in a traumatic past to living fully in the present.  

 

Resources 

https://fullerlifefamilytherapy.org/yoga-and-trauma/ 

Levine, P. (1997). Waking the Tiger.  

Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score.   

 

Contributed by

Tamara Tatum, LMFT-Associate

Supervised by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S

Categories : Self-Care Practices, Trauma and Loss
Tags : body, body-oriented therapy, trauma
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