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Archive for Anxiety & Panic

When Caring Hurts: Preventing Caregiver Burnout

Posted by FullerLife on

August 1, 2017

You are dependable and loyal. You take family seriously and honor those around you who are unable to care for themselves. So you have found yourself in the position of caring for an elderly parent grandparent or chronically ill or disabled loved one who requires constant care. Sometimes it feels like it is just too much for one person to bear. You may feel that no one else is there to carry the burden but you. However, not reaching out for help can lead to harmful results.

The Numbers Don’t Lie

The United States is home to over 44 million unpaid caregivers. The numbers will continue to grow as the population of baby boomers continues to age. The prevalence of spectrum disorders, like autism, has increased in America by 30 percent in recent years. Many disorders can limit the ability of people to function independently. These situations may create a need for family members to step up when care facilities seem like an unwanted or unfeasible option. But what effect does the caregiving lifestyle have on the caregiver?

Signs of Trouble

Fatigue and sleep deprivation when caring for a loved one are common. Fatigue can make a caregiver more vulnerable to physical, emotional or mental illnesses themselves. This can be due to a combination of physical obligations of providing care around the clock to the worry and stress that can accompany the responsibility of maintaining someone else’s welfare. Oftentimes, caregivers are not only responsible for the elderly parent or disabled family relative. They are parents, husbands and wives as well, further adding to their load.

You may notice that you, or the caregiver in your life, has become increasingly irritable, anxious or angry lately. A prolonged state of fatigue and stress puts caregivers at risk for diabetes, addictions, increased sensitivity to pain and infections. If you see signs of depression, such as feelings of hopelessness or helplessness, loss of interest in other activities, social withdrawal, find help. That is a clear sign that it is time for intervention.

In difficult circumstances, some caretakers may appear disoriented, erratic and/or highly emotional. Let extreme changes in mood, behaviors or routine be a signal to you that something is wrong.

Caring for the Caregiver

If any of this sounds familiar, please take the necessary steps. As a caregiver, know that reaching out for help and taking care of yourself are just as important to your role as a caregiver as the caregiving itself. If you know someone who is responsible for a loved one’s wellbeing and is exhibiting signs of burnout, lend a helping hand. Here are some steps that you can take:

Self-assess. Take a moment to do personal inventory. If your energy levels have been low and your patience thin, admit it to yourself. That is the only way to begin the process of improving your situation.
Take a break. If you do not have to, don’t go it alone. Ask friends or family members to stay over a couple nights a week so that you can get a full night’s rest. See if they can watch your loved for a couple of hours during the day while you take some personal time. If there is no one available, take advantage of some of the caregiver resources (found below) that can assist you.
Be mindful. Include a mindfulness, mediation or prayer practice in your day. This serves to increase your self-awareness and promotes relaxation while you are awake. Fifteen minutes can make a world of difference.
Find support. As a caregiver, you might be too busy to know that there is help available to you, even if you feel like you are all alone. Please check out the following resources:
- AARP CareConnection
- National Alliance for Caregiving

Want to see if you or someone you love is battling caregiver burnout, take this short quiz:

https://www.caring.com/articles/caregiver-burnout-quiz

Contributed by

Shani Bell, MAAT, LPC-Intern

Supervised by Dr. Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S, LPC-S

Categories : Anxiety & Panic, Counseling, Depression, Emotions and Relationships, Mental Health, Self-Awareness, Self-Care Practices, Stress Management, transitions

Tags : anxiety & panic, counseling, depression, emotions and relationships, mental health, self-awareness, self-care practices, stress management, Transitions

Mess & Stress: The Science Behind Your Clutter

Posted by Shani Bell on

July 6, 2017

· 1 Comment

Look around you right now. Can you see the floor or is it covered in laundry? Are you reading this while sitting at a desk stacked high with clutter? So maybe you are not quite at hoarder status, but if you find yourself struggling to keep your external space organized, it might reflect a similar internal struggle.

Getting to the Bottom of the Pile

Some people are nurtured into a messy lifestyle. They grow up in families where a disorganized space is the norm. Others may find the busyness of life or personal circumstances leads to neglect in places like their home, workspace or vehicle. Maybe it feels like there is too much to do and too little time, so neatness is sacrificed for a higher priority. You may feel the whole process of keeping order overwhelming, tiring and pointless. Won’t it just get messy again anyway?

But there is a benefit to making order a priority in your life. Studies point out that a clean space can contribute to better cognition and better sleep. It is also physically safer and more life-efficient. Just as clutter in your physical space can signify clutter in your mental space, order around you can be a sign of an orderly mind. Living, and attempting to function, in messy spaces can also increase anxiety. And who needs extra anxiety??

What comes first – the mess or the stress?

Much like the age-old question about the chicken or the egg, identifying if your stress leads to mess or the other way around can be a challenge. Those who struggle with anxiety, depression or other factors that contribute to a lack of motivation may also tend to struggle with keeping their spaces tidy. Though others may dismiss these people as just being lazy. In other words, your mess might not be the cause of anxiety or depression, but it might be a symptom of it.

Getting out of the Dumps

So, what do you do about the mess?

If you believe that your clutter problem might be due to an internal struggle, try addressing the root of the problem. This might mean some self-reflection, confronting a person or thing you have been avoiding or seeking the help of a mental health professional. Do what it takes to function at your best.

But whether the mess is the cause or symptom, anyone can benefit from clearing the clutter. If this task seems too daunting. Try the following tips:

Focus. Find one project to tackle and stick with it. Don’t allow yourself to try to achieve too many organization goals at once. Give yourself time-limited breaks for long tasks and get right back to it. Leave distractions like cellphones and computers in the other room.
Stash it away. Your brain is taking in everything it sees and it can be overwhelming. Neatly store items that you do not use often out of sight. Try organizing the items that you frequently use in easily accessible but less visible places.
Put it back. After you gain order, don’t make it hard on yourself. It may seem easier in the short-term to just throw that one item on the floor, but over time you will find yourself right back in the middle of a mess. Give “future you” a break and put it back where you found it. You’ll find that creating and maintaining order over time helps you breathe a little easier.

Want to know more? Check out these related articles:

Contributed by

Shani Bell, MAAT, LPC-Intern

Supervised by Dr. Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S, LPC-S

Categories : Anxiety & Panic, Counseling, Depression, Mental Health, Self-Awareness, Sticky

Tags : anxiety, counseling, depression, mental health, self-awareness

How Samantha Used Self-Talk To Turn Her Anxiety Around

Posted by Taylor Knox on

April 20, 2017

· No Comments

Samantha is a 34-year-old teacher who, like many people, struggles with anxiety and depression. She has a hard time motivating herself to get out of bed in the mornings knowing her day will be full of worry and fear. Her self-talk tells her she is worthless. She is embarrassed about her struggles and hates mostly everything about herself. One day she feels especially low and finds herself thinking about her life and how much she worries. The thoughts persist and before she knows it she is having a hard time breathing. Her chest is tightening and she feels like she has lost control. This is not the first panic attack she has experienced. She is so sick of feeling anxiety is running her life.

Feeling especially frustrated with herself the next day, she decides to get help by seeking therapy. The therapist helps Samantha realize that she can use her own internal dialogue to change how she experiences and thinks about things. As she practices and changes the way she talks to herself in her head, she notices her mood begins to shift. With persistence, Samantha is able to use her self-talk to stop panic attacks and relate to her anxiety differently. Her mood improves as she is kind to herself rather than beat herself up. These shifts empower Samantha. She is finally able to learn how to navigate her emotions rather than be overtaken by them.

During one therapy session, Samantha becomes overwhelmed with anxiety and panic. She reads a handout about self-talk and learns she has the ability to choose what she says to herself in her head. Samantha’s automatic thoughts were telling her, “I can’t do this. I can’t breathe. It’s gonna happen again. You’re so stupid for talking about this.” Rather than allowing her anxiety to choose her thoughts she decides to tell herself, “Breathe. You are going to be okay. It will pass. You can do this. Just breathe.”

To Samantha’s surprise, she found panic and fear dissipated as she took deep breaths and talked herself out of the all-familiar anxiety spiral. Samantha feels empowered, like she can control her thoughts for the first time in a long time. She practices this concept with her normal day to day anxious thoughts and is amazed at how she keeps herself from spiraling. She does all of this by simply reminding herself to relax and changing the way she talks to herself.

As Samantha learns to experience her anxiety differently, she notices she is becoming more motivated and it is easier to get out of bed in the mornings. Her therapist notices and points out Samantha was still placing a lot of blame on herself. She is still making comments like, “I’m so dumb. I always mess things up. No one likes me because I’m depressing.” So Samantha’s therapist challenges her to apply what she knows about self-talk to a new concept of self-compassion.

Next, Samantha practices an exercise called “Changing Your Critical Self-Talk.” She begins to notice the harsh ways she speaks to herself in her head and chooses kind and compassionate words instead. This takes a lot of practice. However, with time, the new way she talks to herself begins to shape the way she thinks about and sees herself. This has a powerful impact on her critical, anxious, and depressive thoughts.

Samantha’s effort to challenge her automatic ways of talking to herself was not easy, yet she finds it worth the effort. Many people struggling with mild to severe anxiety or depression can benefit by changing the way they talk to themselves. Sometimes they can be successful alone and others may need the professional help of a therapist. So if you or someone you know needs further help addressing anxious or depressive thoughts, there are therapists (at Fuller Life Family Therapy and all over the country) waiting to help. See if you can begin to change the things you say to yourself and notice the effect on your mood.

Inner Conflict: The Refining Fire

Posted by Shani Bell on

September 13, 2016

· No Comments

Heartburn?

People tend to think of internal conflict as torturous personal turmoil. A big decision must be made or a circumstance must be handled. You wrestle with yourself in the middle of the night and feverishly try pushing uncomfortable thoughts out of your mind all day. You view the internal conflict, itself, as the problem and you struggle against it or try to ignore it. But imagine how your experience might be different if you consciously and compassionately acknowledged the presence of differing opinions within yourself?

The healthiest way to respond to nagging discomfort of inner conflict is to face it. By facing inner conflict, you have the opportunity to gain a strengthened sense of self, better problem-solving skills, increased authenticity, more self-compassion and increased integrity. But there’s no need to gather weapons and scream your battle cry. The conflict is not the enemy. Think of it like a puzzle that requires mindful and nonjudgmental investigation.

Or Friendly Fire…

Linda Adams, President of Gordon Training International, says that when we truly look at our inner conflict, without judgment, and commit to healthy resolution, we become more of our authentic selves and more aware of our needs.

One way to approach inner conflict is to:

Make a list or chart of the varying options with which you are struggling.
Beside each, list the reasons why you would find this option valuable
Then list the perceived consequences or opportunity costs for each option

Now you have externalized your inner conflict so that you can take a more objective view. As you investigate, you might notice that you are considering certain options because they are what you “should” do. From Dr. Miki Kashtan’s perspective, this implies the presence of an externally imposed value from sources like your community, friends or family. You might notice that these do not exactly mesh with values that are authentic to you. The result is the discomfort of conflict. As you mindfully consider your inner conflict, you might find other sources of discomfort such as fear, unmet needs or perceived personal limitations. Whatever needs, values and insights are discovered, allow yourself the space and compassion to honestly acknowledge them.

When you become more aware of the sources of your conflict, you gain clarity about what is important to you. Only then can you make choices from a position of self-awareness. Many times the push and pull of personal decision making comes from our view that for any one problem, there are two possible,and polar opposite choices. “I will go to work or I will call in sick and go to the game” for example. It becomes an either/or dilemma. Dr. Kashtan highlights the limitations of either/or thinking, which gives the impression that sacrifice of one need or another is always necessary to resolve inner conflict. She instead proposes devising a strategy that allows you to attend to as many needs and values as possible. By investigating your desire to go to the game, you uncover a need to fully experience and enjoy life. You also value integrity which leads to uneasiness about lying to your boss. Knowing this, is it possible to find an event that allows you to enjoy life while maintaining your integrity and going to work?

Addressing internal conflict while making life decisions can become a complex adventure. If you need help finding your way, consider contacting a mental health professional in your area.

Categories : Anxiety & Panic, Anxiety Issues, Counseling, Emotional Intelligence, Mental Health, Mindfulness Practice, Problem Solving, Self-Care Practices, Stress Management

Tags : anxiety issues, counseling, emotional intelligence, mental health, mindfulness, Problem Solving, self-care practices, stress management

7 Mistakes You Make in Your Discomfort Zone that Limit Your Growth and How to Stop Making Them

Posted by Angela Blocker on

June 30, 2016

· No Comments

If you were polled about your favorite thing to do, chances are you would not say discomfort. Why? It’s no surprise that human nature is to seek pleasure and avoid pain. The trouble is true pleasure is not devoid of pain and all the meaningful good stuff happens outside your comfort zone.

Michael Hyatt, New York Times bestselling author, professional career coach and former CEO of Thomas Nelson publishing company, discusses with colleague Stu Mclaren seven things preventing growth in the discomfort zone and how to overcome them.

1. Not knowing the value of discomfort.

Understand that the discomfort leads to growth. Relationship expert Dr. David Schnarch developed a growth cycle diagram(below) that includes periods of comfort and anxiety. Remaining in the comfort cycle inevitably leads to boredom. Humans thrive when there is novelty and challenge.

2. Leaning away from anxiety.

Natural instinct is to retreat. Melanie Greenberg describes how our brains naturally dislike unpredictability, change and uncertainty. However, over time these feelings of uncertainty become less threatening. Train your brain to value change by putting yourself in situations with an appropriate level of risk.

3. Running from fear.

This is sometimes something that happens unconsciously to us, and we go with the drift of the fear instead of just mindfully noticing it. Feel the urge to retreat and the thoughts corresponding with the feeling. Instead of running from it, become aware of it and go with it. Allow the fear.

4. Overthinking it.

The late Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, former chair of psychology at Yale University, performed extensive research showing that overthinking leads people to remain fixated on the problems and on their feelings about them without taking action.

5. Giving half-heartedly.

Imagine you are going into a cold swimming pool. Michael Hyatt explains putting one toe in at a time is only prolonging the agony. New York Time bestselling author H. Jackson Brown Jr. said, “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” Take the plunge.

6. Minimizing the victory.

Studies show you are more likely to repeat a behavior if you are rewarded. Rewards release dopamine your brain’s internal feel good chemical which serves to reinforce behavior. Celebrate your hard work.

7. Rushing to the next thing.

Actively taking time to pause and reflect on the challenge and success of your experience gives it meaning and becomes an experiential well to draw from for future anxiety provoking events. Journaling is a great way to reflect.

The result: Growth with confidence as a byproduct.

Stuck in a rut? Test your current level of comfort.

Fuller Life is here to help you embrace the discomfort in your life as an avenue for growth.

Contributed by

Angela Blocker , M.A, LMFT Associate

Clinical Supervision by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT, LPC

Categories : Anxiety & Panic, Counseling, Mental Health, Problem Solving, Sticky

Tags : acceptance, anxiety, mental health, panic, Problem Solving, trust

9 Steps for Coping with Unemployment Anxiety

Posted by Laura Cardella on

June 17, 2016

· No Comments

Unemployment is a painful time. This transition can also be a time for growth. Families can use stress relieving techniques to regain control of their anxieties while facing their reduced circumstances and seeking new employment.

While job uncertainty creates stress, taking steps to incorporate life balancing practices alleviates anxiety. Self-nurturing adds balance to one’s life and builds up self confidence in the best and worst of life circumstances. One place to start is with basic self-care. The self-care wheel found at Olga Phoenix Project suggests activities to give care to the self in each of six areas-spiritual, physical, emotional, personal, psychological and professional.

Steps You Can Take Right Now:

9 Healthy activities you can add to your day to combat the down side of unemployment are:

Breathe

Become aware of your breathing. Several times a day, practice breathing deeply, as you notice the good feeling of sending oxygen throughout your body. 3-5 Slow, deep breaths can help you care for yourself throughout a tough day.

Guided imagery

Use peaceful memories to mentally relax in the present moment. Five to ten minutes is all it takes to engage your imagination and feel the renewal of your spirit. Audio recordings are available if you prefer to listen to guided imagery.

Talk to yourself

Affirmations are another self-soothing habit, inexpensive and proactive. You can list them on a sheet of paper, or on file cards that fit in your pocket. Some of these, which you can repeat to yourself throughout the day, could be: “I am lovable.” “I am capable.” “I am smart.” “I am good.” “I am important.” Self-care books with other suggestions are available at your library or bookstore.

Prayer

Though tempted to feel abandoned when things don’t go our way, leaning into faith when things don’t go our way can provide a real source of strength in times of uncertainty.

Hang out with others

When in job stress, it is important to stay connected to friends and to not isolate ourselves. If your friends tend to expound on their latest cruises and vacations, you may feel safer with other more life-giving friends at this time.

Make use of media

Recall favorite books, movies and songs that have uplifted you and inspired you. TED TALKS have a number of anti-anxiety and stress-busting talks you may look up and watch online.

Gratitude

A healthy practice for every day is to wake up recalling something for which you are grateful and just before going to sleep being thankful. Rather than being lazy, dig deeper than the visible surface to those intangible things you might overlook, but truly appreciate.

Resilience

Think back to a time when you were in a challenging situation. Recall the strengths you exhibited as you coped with the situation and regained your strength to move on. Now think how those strengths can be utilized in these circumstances. Those traits you have are called resilience. They stay with you and can be called into use over and over again. They are yours. You can call on your resilience every time you require power to meet a challenge.

Look for the Gift

This is a tough one, and it may not be clear until years down the road. Does your unemployment open a window for you to accomplish another of your life’s goals? Could this be an opportunity to work on a neglected project that your unemployment makes time for?

You Can Do It!

The above steps can be put into practice, little by little, if they are life-giving for you. We all have times we wish we didn’t have to endure. However, we can choose to be balanced and healthy while going through these tough times. As the Olympic coach Bela Karolyi says, “You can do it! Why not?”

For further reading see fullerlifefamilytherapy.org for blogs Managing Disappointment and “Fear and Panic.”

Contributed by

Laura Cardella, LPC-Intern

Supervised under Dr. Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT, LPC

Categories : Anxiety & Panic, Counseling, Unemployment

Tags : anxiety, Job Stress, Unemployment

Add Flavor to Mindfulness with Color and Music?

Posted by Shani Bell on

March 15, 2016

· No Comments

There has been much focus lately on the benefits of mindfulness, a practice that encourages focused attention and self-acceptance in the present moment. You may know about mindfulness through methods like meditation, prayer and yoga. But what might happen to your mindfulness practice if you added a little art or music?

Why Try Mindfulness?

Why practice mindfulness in the first place? Research shows that mindfulness increases focus and can decrease symptoms related to stress, anxiety, fatigue, depression, chronic pain, sleep problems and high blood pressure. Baer informs us that mindfulness encourages people to focus on present thoughts and emotions in a way that is accepting and curious rather than judgmental. Being hypercritical of thoughts and emotions can cause us to push them away increasing stress and tension. We find ourselves saying things like, “Ugh! I shouldn’t feel this way!” It is better to acknowledge thoughts and feelings for what they are and begin the process of self-regulation. With mindfulness, we increase our present, personal and environmental awareness. We can then take the opportunity to curiously observe and honestly observe our inner experience, labeling what is happening, accepting it as it is and then releasing it with a prayer or meditative statement.

Artful Awareness

Therapeutic approaches like Mindfulness-Based Art Therapy (MBAT) have found similarities between creative and mindfulness practices. These two practices can be combined to enhance their effectiveness. Activities like drawing, playing an instrument, listening to music or writing poetry require single-task concentration that reflects the same sort of present-awareness needed to participate in mindfulness.

Consider this. When an artist draws her subject, she must observe it closely, recognizing the shape and position of the subject, noticing the folds and creases. She would not be likely to see these details if she were just observing that same thing in passing. With a mindful stance she can more adequately depict the subject of her art. The more the artist practices this type of art, the more she finds her ability to “see” improves. In learning to play music, the body and mind are fully engaged in the singular task of creating sound. The fingers are positioned, the body is postured and the mind is alert. The more the musician practices, the more natural his movements and the flow of music become.

When incorporating the arts into mindfulness practice, skill level in playing music or creating artwork is not the focus. The intention is to use the creative process to stay engaged and increase the focus on the present experience: what you see, think, hear and how you are inwardly responding. Use the art as an anchor to maintain present focus when the mind starts to wander.

So, what are some examples of ways you could incorporate creativity into your mindfulness practice?

Try blind contour drawing. Choose a drawing utensil (marker, pencil, chalk, etc.) and a piece of paper. Find a subject in your environment and focus in on it. While your eyes trace the lines and shapes of the subject, move your drawing utensil in unison, drawing one contiguous line but WITHOUT looking at your paper. This exercise requires deep concentration. To process troubling emotions, try finding a subject that is related to the issue at hand. For example, if you are having a disagreement with a family member that is causing you distress, find a picture of that person and use this as the subject of your contour drawing. Allow yourself to be non-judgmentally present with any feelings that may arise. You might even try journaling after the exercise. Couples could practice present awareness with each other by creating a blind contour drawing of their partner.

Blind contour drawing of a hand

Find time alone to play an instrument like the drums or the piano. Try closing your eyes while playing and improvising or playing by ear. As you do this, observe the changes in your bodily responses as well as what emotions or imagery come up for you during this creative experience.

If you do not have access to an instrument or do not feel musically inclined, you can listen to music mindfully. Choose a particular song or genre of music to which you feel connected. Pay attention to the characteristics of the song: beat, changes in tempo, harmony, melody, etc. Notice how the visceral responses in your body and emotions respond. Identify the mood of the song and how this connects to your inner experience. If the song has lyrics, notice what words or verses stand out to you.

There are a myriad of ways that the arts can be used to engage your senses and keep you inspired to stay present. Be creative and find what works for you. As you develop a lifestyle of mindfulness, you will likely find a deeper understanding of yourself and a greater sense of the world around you.

If you are seeking a professional to help you to gain awareness and personal insight, please contact us at Fuller Life Family Therapy Institute.

Shani Bell, MAAT, LPC-Intern

Supervised by Dr. Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT-S, LPC-S and Dr. Sheryl Corbit, EdD, ATR-BC, LPC-AT/S

References

Baer, R. A. (2003). Mindfulness training as a clinical intervention: A conceptual and empirical review. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 10, 125–143. Retrieved from http://www.ecsa.ucl.ac.be/personnel/philippot/DocStudents/baer%202003%20mindfulness%20training%20as%20clinical%20intervention.pdf

Eckhardt, K. J. and Dinsmore, J. A. (2012). Mindful music listening as a potential treatment for depression. Journal of Creativity in Mental Health, 7, 176-186. Retrieved from http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15401383.2012.685020

Grant, A. M., Langer, E. J., Falk, E. & Capodilupo, C. (2004). Mindful creativity: Drawing to draw distinctions. Creativity Research Journal, 16, 261-265. Retrieved from http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/10400419.2004.9651457

Monti, D. A., Peterson, C., Shakin Kunkel, E. J., Hauck, W. W., Pequignot, E., Rhodes, L., & Brainard, G. C. (2006). A randomized, controlled trial of Mindfulness-Based Art Therapy (MBAT) for women with cancer. Psycho-Oncology, 15, 363–373. Retrieved from http://www.mindfullart.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/Controlled-Triall-2005.pdf

Oyan, S. (2006). Mindfulness meditation: Creative musical performance through awareness. Retrieved from http://etd.lsu.edu/docs/available/etd-03312006-164516/unrestricted/Oyan_dis.pdf

Categories : Anxiety & Panic, Counseling, Depression, Mental Health, Mindfulness Practice, Self-Care Practices, Sticky, Stress Management

Tags : anxiety, anxiety and panic, counseling, depression, emotional intelligence, mental health, mindfulness, mindfulness practice, self-care, Self-Care Practice, self-care practices, stress management

Managing Disappointment

Posted by Angela Blocker on

October 27, 2015

· No Comments

When was the last time you anticipated life would go one way but instead it took an unexpected turn? In a moment, feelings of frustration, hurt, disappointment and anger can set in. Experiencing disappointment is a part of life but knowing how to handle it can be confusing.Here are some tips to get back in the saddle again.

Express Those Emotions

Give yourself space to feel all the emotions accompanying the unmet expectation. Are you angry? Sad? Frustrated? It is normal and feeling them helps free you to make a sound decision. Emotions can easily cloud good judgment and make small situations seem larger than they are. By allowing yourself to feel the spectrum of emotion, you give yourself the freedom to see the situation more clearly—to gain perspective.

Expressing emotion is also healthy. After a disappointment, there is a greater risk of physical or emotional difficulties or a combination of the two, partly because of mishandling emotions. It can be tempting to hold these feelings inside or project them onto others. Psychologist Dr. Michael Ashroth, explains that over time, being disappointed can even lead to chronic stress problems internally and with those around you. Do yourself a favor and let it out. Try journaling! Is your energy regained through people? Talking it over with someone you know who listens well is a great way to let go.

Don’t Dwell

Disappointment may require a bit of grieving time to handle the loss of unmet expectations but don’t stay there! Wallowing keeps you stuck and prevents you from taking steps toward success. Not sure if you’re dwelling? Notice how much time and energy you spend thinking about the situation or talking about it. Choosing to think through the situation over and over with little action can increase your anxiety. Instead, go out and do something constructive or fun. It will reenergize your mind to take action! Dwelling will keep you from accomplishing your goals moving forward.

Embrace It

Remember, in every situation you get to choose how to respond. Start by accepting the situation as it is. You do not have control over another person and you may not have control over some situations but you do have choices. Make the choice to evaluate what you wanted from yourself, the situation and others. Try to see it as an opportunity for a new possibility. If this sort of disappointment has happened repeatedly, accept it and consider what could be changed to yield a different result. Seek other avenues to achieve your goals. It may be time to step out of your comfort zone and take a risk!

Disappointment is a normal part of life that everyone experiences. However, it does not have to have a negative effect. Use it as a stepping stone to achieve all you hope for!

References
Ashroth, M. (2013). Dealing with disappointment. PsychCentral. http://psychcentral.com/lib/dealing-with-disappointment/
Lybi, M. (2004). Down but not out. PsychologyToday. https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200403/down-not-out

Contributed by

Angela Blocker , M.A, LMFT Associate

Clinical Supervision by Amy Fuller, PhD, LMFT, LPC

Categories : Anxiety & Panic, Counseling, Mental Health, Self-Care Practices, Sticky, Stress Management

Tags : acceptance, disappointment, emotions, mental health, self-awareness, self-care, Self-Care Practice, stress, stress management

Fear and Panic: How to Take Back Control

Posted by Lesley Anne Mendonça on

July 1, 2015

· 1 Comment

Imagine you’re in an elevator mentally running through your list of to do’s for the day. Suddenly, the elevator stops between floors. The lights go dark and the alarm begins to sound. What most people will likely experience is an element of fear or panic.

Fear is the body’s natural response to anything that is perceived as a threat, either physical or emotional. Fear is something each of us has experienced, and is responsible for keeping us safe. For many of us though, fear can overstep its bounds and run more of our lives than we wish. We may develop unhelpful behaviors in response to our fear. If left untreated, fear can begin to affect our health and relationships.

What if we were to learn to be the master of our fear, allowing it to serve us rather than rule us? Taking back control is best done counterintuitively: We need to release control. Mindfulness is a beautiful approach to addressing our fear, panic and anxiety. This article borrows from Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), a model of mindfulness that is proven to help with fear (Stahl & Millstine, 2013).

What Are Fear, Panic & Anxiety?

Though fear and panic seem to be synonymous, it is important to understand the difference. According to mindfulness expert Bob Stahl, when one perceives danger, fear “serves to activate your ‘fight, flight, or freeze’ response in order to help you survive”. This manifests as rapid breathing, elevated heart rate and blood pressure.

Panic is our body’s response to fear. “Panic affects your body, emotions, and thoughts in extreme ways that can feel like a violent eruption.” Extreme or chronic panic leads to feelings of terror, worry, anger, shame, inadequacy and embarrassment – and can even culminate to the feeling of going crazy or dying.

Anxiety, a very close cousin of fear and panic, is prolonged worry about threats that might be in the future. When left unsupervised, all three intermingle and can create a system of dis-ease for us.

The Unfortunate Effects

Fear and panic both affect the brain and body in ways that can be detrimental.

[Did that last sentence cause a little fear and panic? If you’re reading this and feel alarmed, pause from reading and pay attention to your emotion. Breathe, slowly and deeply, through the emotion for as long as you need, and then return to reading. This is a simple example of a grounding exercise.]

When we are in a state of fear or panic, our neurological pathways change in order to respond quickly for our benefit. According to the Center for Spirituality and Healing, chronic fear can eventually weaken our immune system, cause cardiovascular damage, gastrointestinal problems and decreased fertility. In order to safeguard our health, it is wise that we become effective tamers of fear and panic. But how?

What Can We Do?

Calm Our Body

If fear and panic bring our body into a state of distress, our goal is to bring ourselves back to a state of calm and peace. MBSR highlights two main techniques to calming our body. First is through mindful breathing, which can be done anywhere and at any time. A second, more in-depth tool is to practice a body scan. This enables us to pay mindful attention to our body and can teach us to manage internal feelings, including fear and panic.

Calm Our Emotion

First, mindfulness asks that we acknowledge our feelings rather than avoid them. Research shows that naming our feelings actually calms our brain. Once we’ve named them, we are asked not to judge them but rather to simply allow them to run their course. Learning to ride the waves of any presenting emotion is central to mindfulness. This means sitting in the discomfort of our emotion rather than trying to fix or change it. The next time fear or panic shows up, practice naming and allowing the feeling to be. Remind yourself: feelings are temporary, they will pass.

Calm Our Thoughts

As troubling thoughts arise, we can first remind ourselves: thoughts are just thoughts, and are not necessarily true. As we continue to pay mindful attention to the thoughts that cause us fear or panic, MBSR suggests we practice: “Pause, observe/experience, allow”. First pause what we are doing, rather than pushing through and ignoring our fear. Then, we can mindfully observe and experience the effect of our thoughts. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, we can allow this experience to run its course rather than fight it off.

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness teaches us to acknowledge life’s constant unpredictability. The beauty of incorporating mindfulness into our response to fear is in recognizing that fear is a visitor that will be popping in on us from time to time. If we cannot control that visitor, our hopeful solution can be to change our relationship to it – through mindfulness. So keep breathing and riding the waves with peace in your heart.

Good luck in the journey!

Lesley Anne Mendonça

M.A., LMFT-Associate, LPC-Intern

Supervised by Dr. Amy Fuller, LMFT-S, LPC-S

Stahl, B. & Millstine, W. (2013). Calming the rush of panic: A mindfulness-based stress reduction guide to freeing yourself from panic attacks and living a vital life. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

Categories : Anxiety & Panic, Anxiety Issues, Breath Work, Cognitive Reframing, Counseling, Emotions and Relationships, Mental Health, Mindfulness Practice, Relationships, Self-Care Practices, Sticky, Stress Management

Tags : anxiety, breathwork, cognitive reframing, fear, mindfulness, panic, relationships, stress management

Archive for Anxiety & Panic

The Numbers Don’t Lie

Signs of Trouble

Caring for the Caregiver

Getting to the Bottom of the Pile

What comes first – the mess or the stress?

Getting out of the Dumps

Read more on our blog about the power of compassionate Self-Talk:

1. Not knowing the value of discomfort.

2. Leaning away from anxiety.

3. Running from fear.

4. Overthinking it.

5. Giving half-heartedly.

6. Minimizing the victory.

7. Rushing to the next thing.

Steps You Can Take Right Now:

Breathe

Talk to yourself

Hang out with others

Make use of media

Look for the Gift

You Can Do It!

Express Those Emotions

Don’t Dwell

Embrace It

What Are Fear, Panic & Anxiety?

The Unfortunate Effects

What Can We Do?

Calm Our Body

Calm Our Emotion

Calm Our Thoughts

Practice Mindfulness

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4545 Bissonet, Suite 289, Bellaire, Texas 77401
Call Us: (855) 245-5433

HIPAA-Compliant Fax: (832) 706-3842
info@FullerLifeFamilyTherapy.org