couple in bed

Get Better at Sex and Get Better at Life

Our sexuality is something innate to all of us. It can develop in complexity and variety as we mature. As we age, we engage in different types of relationships, and if we are lucky, we learn new things, and gain greater insight into who we are and what we like sexually.  A lot of us make the mistake of thinking that being in a committed relationship means we stop growing sexually because we are limited to one partner. However, the opposite can be true. Being in a committed relationship can  be very challenging and can push us towards growth in various ways. These three tips can challenge you to grow and develop your own sexuality, while at the same time help bring novelty to your sexual relationship.

Be Daring

A vast majority of us can perhaps admit to having secret sexual desires that we would not dare share with the people we are in relationships, perhaps out of fear of judgment or our own insecurities. Whatever the case may be,  we may not realize that when we hide our desires and our true colors out of insecurities and fears, we are limiting ourselves in sex lives and the sex life of our partners. When you dare to try something new like using a sex toy for the first time or simply being able to speak your mind about how you like to have sex, you are challenging yourself and at the same time showing your partner a more daring side of you. It requires strength and maturity to show your partner who you are and what you are about between the sheets. Daring to be bold in the bedroom can enhance maturity and confidence, and at the same time turn up the heat in your relationship. The next time you have sex, dare to ask for a new position you’ve been thinking about, or buy a new sex toy you may want to play with. For more tips on how to be more daring and courageous in your sex life check out this talk with host Dr. Cory Allan.

 Incorporate Playfulness

As mentioned previously, many of us have secret fantasies that we wish our partner would play out with us, but are afraid of what the other will think or we doubt our own sexuality and sensuality. Dare to add some novelty and spice in your relationship by perhaps taking a few hours on a weekend to reenact a secret wish that you or your partner may have. This may look like dressing up in sensual clothing, trying role play or could even being risky by using accessories like fuzzy handcuffs. Whatever tickles your fancy, challenge yourself by engaging with your partner in a playful manner, and remember it’s okay if your partner doesn’t want to play at that time, there is merit in taking risks. For creative role playing ideas and more visit Cosmopolitan.

Increase Intimacy

Sometimes sex in committed relationships can lack a sense of connectedness and intimacy. The reasons for this can vary, however,  increasing intimacy through sex in relationships can bring changes and move people towards more meaningful and deeper ways of connecting. One “simple” yet challenging way of connecting with one’s partner is through eyes open sex as described. Sex is something that people engage in on a regular basis, but how many of those people are actually courageous enough to look into their partner’s eyes during intercourse?  According to Dr. Schnarch’s book Passionate Marriage, only about 30% of couples have their eyes open during sex. It can take courage and strength to try something new in the bedroom. Change starts with one person, so if your partner does not want to participate in eyes open sex, keep in mind that you can still keep your eyes open and see what you experience. For a more detailed description of eyes open sex, visit Dr. Schnarch and Dr. Morehouse’s website.

Sex is one of the most growth-promoting and enjoyable aspects of human nature, dare to try any one of these ideas to see how you and your partner can and move towards personal growth all the while adding more novelty in your sex life. For more ideas and resources for sexuality and relationships visit Dr. Amy Fuller’s website.


Dr. Cory Allan’s page:

Dr. David Schnarch and Dr. Ruth Morehouse’s pages:

Roleplay ideas:

Other sex blog:

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