Turning Toward Love: How to Strengthen Your Relationship This Valentine’s Day
As Valentine’s Day approaches, many couples find themselves reflecting on their relationship. If you and your partner often struggle with conflict or feel emotionally disconnected, February is the perfect time for a reset to strengthen Your relationship.
One of the most effective ways to strengthen your bond is by turning toward each other instead of pulling away. This means actively engaging, responding to each other’s needs, and nurturing emotional connection—even in the smallest moments.
The Science of Turning Toward Your Partner
Drs. John and Julie Gottman have studied relationships for decades. Their research shows that couples who consistently turn toward each other during daily interactions have an 86% success rate in staying together.
In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman explains that relationships thrive when partners honor bids for connection—the small gestures we make to seek love, attention, or support.
These bids can be verbal (like asking about your day) or nonverbal (like reaching for a hug). When partners acknowledge and respond to these bids, they strengthen their emotional connection. However, ignoring or dismissing these moments can create distance and resentment over time.
Recognizing Bids for Connection
Verbal Bids:
“Hey, look at this!” (Sharing something interesting)
“How was your day?” (Seeking conversation)
“I had a tough day.” (Asking for emotional support)
“I love you.” (Expressing affection and hoping for a response)
Nonverbal Bids:
Reaching for a hug or touch
Making eye contact and smiling
Sighing loudly (A possible sign they need comfort)
Sitting close or leaning in
A strong, loving relationship isn’t built in a day—it’s built in small moments…
7 Ways to Strengthen Your Connection and Turn Toward Each Other
1. Prioritize Quality Time Together
Spending intentional time together helps keep your bond strong. Simple ways to make this happen include:
2. Communicate with Curiosity and Presence
Deepen your connection by engaging in meaningful conversations:
When you truly listen, your partner feels seen and valued, which strengthens your emotional connection.
3. Express Appreciation and Affection Regularly
Put away distractions like phones or laptops when spending time together. This small but powerful act shows your partner they are your priority.
4. Be Mindful in the Moment
Focus on being fully present in each interaction. Pay attention to your partner’s words, emotions, and nonverbal cues. Let go of outside worries and immerse yourself in the here and now.
5. Show Empathy and Validation
Even if you don’t fully understand your partner’s feelings, acknowledge and validate them. Simple phrases like, “I hear you,” or “That makes sense,” show that you care about their emotional experience.
6. Use Nonverbal Communication
Nonverbal cues like eye contact, nodding, and open body language show you’re engaged and present. These subtle gestures can deepen your connection and foster trust.
7. Plan Intentional Quality Time
Create special moments together by planning intentional activities. Even small acts like a “15-minute date” or a cozy evening without distractions can go a long way in building your bond
The Life-Changing Power of Turning Toward Each Other
A strong, loving relationship isn’t built in a day—it’s built in small moments of connection over time. By responding to your partner’s bids for love and attention, you create a foundation of trust, intimacy, and deep emotional connection.
This Valentine’s Day, make a conscious effort to turn toward each other. It’s not about big, grand gestures—it’s about consistent, meaningful interactions that strengthen your bond every day.
Ready to Strengthen Your Relationship?
Start small. Listen more. Appreciate often. And most importantly, show up for your partner in the small moments that matter most.oth partners.
Resident Therapist
Nicole Thompson, LPC-A
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